Womanising ex with no conscience

Male or female it doesn't matter its the fact that someone you love has been unfauthful. Yes its a shock but we can all get through it.
We are the ones who have done nothing wrong and can hold our heads high.
My H was a man of high standing in the community when he cheated, the shock isnt just mine its still reverberating around anyone who knows what he has done - i tell the truth he doesnt.
My kids are young teenagers and they are being severely damaged. No I didnt expect or want to be a single parent and its very hard work, but I knwo from other people and I have seen for myself that no matter how mad they drive me they totally love me and we are very close.
he will never have that, he has completely mucked up his relationship with them, its sad and one day it will hit him like its hit other mothers and fathers.
This is a great place for support and understanding and Im v impressed at how many hurt men are able to post on here and talk about their feelings.
GFx

Thanks for your response. Hmm, "vanished off the edge of the earth" eh? That's pretty mild, imho I've heard people say that it's hard actually getting the divorce - emotionally, but at the moment, I can't wait. Perhaps it will be different when it happens, but I just can't wait to get him as far out of my life as possible, legally, emotionally, financially; everything.

I went AWOl again, but I have to reply to Marsa's post. I think you really need to get the book that I am reading at the moment titled: "Why is it all about you?" - I can't remember the author, but ask me if you're interested and can't find it.

You know I said that I thought my ex was a psychopath - and he even pretty much agreed with that analysis once. Well, somebody else who knows him suggested that he was more narcissistic. I only recently followed up this suggestion and well, I think they are actually correct. OF course, people don't fit neatly into psychiatric boxes, but personally I do find it helpful when you encounter somebody whose behaviour really doesn't seem to make any sense, to have some idea of what in the hell might be going on!

So, I did some research and came up with the above book on narcisstic personality disorder. Absolutely blinding. I don't entirely agree with their Freudian perspective on causality. Personally I am of the strong opinion that my ex is not in the least tiny bit in torment or in some way deeply insecure. That's the problem; he feels absolutely fine about himself; it's everyone around him who ends up in pain.

However, that aside, this book seems to me to be a fabulous guide on how to handle people who, whether you call it narcissistic personality or not, are simply so astonishingly self centred that for all intents and purposes, they might as well be psychopaths, as far as I can see. They don't have empathy, because that would require being able to consider what others feel - and they can't. And, more to the point, they are highly unlikely to ever be able to change. It is also a waste of time telling them what you think of them - they will just fly into a rage or act as if you are mad - it won't spark any insight or desire to be different because such people really believe that they are just great as they are.

Oh - and as to why your husband was so nice when he was with you? Well, he might be different but my ex seemed really nice too and my opinion is that he is more than capable of doing nice when it's in his interests - when it isn't, well, why would he bother? My ex is also scarily good at mutating into whatever it is you want him to be. I was talking to his ex today and with her, he was into football and motor racing - for 7 years; In 7 years with me, he never watched either of those, ever. I could go on....

Seriously Marsa, read this book, I highly recommend it and I think it might just help you come to terms with your situation if it applies as much as I suspect it might. In that classic phrase, chances are "it's not you, it's him"!

The Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome by Beverley Engel is a really good book. I got mine from Amazon it was about £8.00.

She manages to explain the syndrome very simply.

It is a must read.

zara

Hers and Zara

Again thankyou. I will go onto Play.com immediately. Its funny you talking about narcissistic Hers as that was also suggested to me. I looked it up on the internet and my goodness the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. It could have been written about him, including going back to how he was brought up and his mums opinion of him. "Isnt he handsome" I have cringed at more than once.

I do wish Id found this site earlier, it would have been so much help at the beginning. I feel so much stronger now that I have people to talk to who understand and can make you see things you couldnt see for yourself. I would certainly recommend it to others.

Thankyou
xx

What indeed makes someone into a psychopath?

'John Bowlby and the 44 Theieves', although a flawed experiment, showed 17 out of his group of young offenders had suffered maternal deprivation. Compared to a control group of non- offenders in which only 3 had suffered MD.