Womanising ex with no conscience

This site is a great place to sound off and we all need to now and then! It helps that readers on here know where you are coming from, whereas friends and family can't always understand.

I am realising how unhappy I've been in my marriage. I knew I was unhappy but not how much. I've had to learn to forgive myself for putting up with it for so long.

NoRegrets was chosen as a name to remind me to look forwards, not back and to not waste time over things I can't change.

Well any one of you could have been married to my ex!

AS far as parenting goes, as others have said it gets easier as the emotions settle.

The co-parenting I find harder - I'd rather he vanished off the edge of the world but instead he rented a bungalow as similar as poss to mine less than a mile away.... Hey ho.

As to how you come to terms with the fact you've been married to a man who can lie through his teeth and convince you YOU are the one who is going mad... can't help you there as I haven't managed it myself. All I can say is - I'm getting a little better every day. And you will too.

Be aware there are times which will be really hard - I had my Nisi announced on court on Monday and that was a hard day - hard few days each side to be honest. Look after yourself!

So sorry to hear this, I do not understand why people get into relationships or marriages knowing full well that they are going to cheat..

It is very sad indeed and no one deserves to be treated that way; I hope it gets better soon...

It's been really nice to log on again and see your responses to my post - I just haven't had time to look for a while, what with the kids being off and everything....

Well New Attitude, I never mentioned the bit where my ex made out that it was *me* who was going mad, but, as you mention it, yes, he did. That was last year - "Oh", he said, " you're so unstable, I never know what you'll be like one day to the next." Well, surprise, surprise, guess what? I was reacting to the fact that one day he'd be wanting to work on our relationship and the next, he'd be out all night shagging someone else. Ooooh, how unstable of me!!!

Obviously, it's water off a ducks back now and it's just what I expect from him but at the time it did my head in somewhat. I suspect that you know *just* what I'm talking about....

And as to wishing that he fell off the end of world, I can totally relate to that too. I was really disappointed when he stopped riding his mid life crisis motorbike because he rode it like a maniac and I was sure it would be the end of him. Of course I feel guilty for harbouring such thoughts because of the children, but I know that I am going to have to somehow accommodate this personality disordered freak in my life for the rest of, if not my life, then at least his, because he's the father of my children.

If it were the case that he'd fallen in love with somebody else, I'd be hurt and angry,but....I would be optimistic that we could move on from that position and make a sensible relationship as co-parents. Unfortunately as things stand, it's clear to me that it's much more fundamental than that and he isn't who he made out that he was. He's unstable, unpleasant, inconsistent and unable to form lasting attachments to anyone, family or lovers. It doesn't exactly bode well.

Oh - and Green Dancer, I couldn't agree more. My ex apparently started shagging an ex girlfriend of his (who knew me!!!) just after our first son was born. According to him, he would have run off with her, but she ditched him.So, what did he do? End our relationship? Talk to me? Even intimate that he wasn't happy? Nope. He married me months later and stood up in a Quaker meeting and testified that he would be a loving and faithful husband until death did us part.

I will never ever forgive him for doing that. Part of the reason that I think he's not normal, is simply because I can't imagine a normal person being able to do that with no compunction. It's so totally wrong.

Oh, and as an encore, he went on to have another child with me, knowing full well that I only wanted children within a committed relationship and never wanted to be a single parent.

It really amazes me how appalling some people can be. It is some major consolation to me that, as I said, everyone around him knows what he is and loathes him for it. There is at least a consensus of opinion on that front, suggesting that it's not me who's mad, but just possibly him that's out of line.

oh well, thanks for giving me the space to cathartically rant )

Good for you Heras!!

I heartily applaud your new attitude.

You GO Girl!!

I had a feeling we were walking the same path - I wish we weren't but here we are.

In some manner maybe it is easier to find others on the same path - it convinces you you are not mad after all!

Like I said - stay strong and treat yourself well - that was my mistake I ploughed everything into my daughter but allowed my own needs to go unmet... still do if I am honest.....

So take care of you!

I'd feel like a complete idiot were it not for the fact that I think I was merely guilty of assuming that he had the same human feelings as I do, whereas I really don't think that he does now.

For months now I have been thinking "what is so wrong with me" and "what is it Ive done that is so wrong to deserve this". However, your quote says it all really. Two people have said to me in the last couple of weeks "has it occured to you that the reason why he was such a nice man was because he was with you, now hes not the true

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appears". I could never treat any human being the way that my husband has treat myself and more heartbreakingly our children. Its as though 19 years have meant nothing, he has no loyalty, integrity, moral courage. He is only concerned about his own feelings and how this mess is affecting him. Despite the fact that he just walked away without any warning. Its like another man has taken over, or maybe the real one...
However the web of lies that he has woven. He has blamed me for everything and it is getting more and more apparent that there is someone else, as I suspected all along and from before I realised it. I feel such a fool and so humiliated! I think she even came around for tea..Doh!!!! Why didnt I see it coming??????