Absolutely devastated :-(

Hi Snowdrops

Forgive yourself for falling for that old chestnut of the unhappy marriage. Unhappy usually = boring. This man is clearly lacking something in his life, and you shouldn’t feel bad that you genuinely thought it was you. By the sounds of it, he’s gonna work his way through women like a hot knife through butter in search of his holy grail. Sadly, you’ve found out the wrong way that men of substance don’t find another branch to swing to before ending their marriages.

Don’t waste your time hoping for cracks in their relationship though. This will retard your progress. After all, you clocked up 6 years with him. Start rebuilding your life.

If you need to get the train, make sure you look damn good and at least project some confidence. Then if you see him, give him a pitying look, because after all, he should be pitied. He’s on a one way journey to troubleville by messing about with work colleagues so you’re better off out of it. You surely wouldn’t be able to trust him now even if he did come back.

Chin up and forget the loser.

i too met my stbx when he was still married. he had cheated on her and blamed her for him doing it!!!! but i fell for it. we married and it wasnt many months before i had suspisions.
he has had affairs during our marriage i am sure. he left me a few years ago for a family friend but came back soon after saying that it was me he wanted . once he had told me about her he said the fun went out of it!!
every time he felt bored or stressed he would look for someone else. blaming me for him looking elsewhere. when we decided to split this time he admitted already seeing someone else as he didnt want to be alone.!!!
he has stayed in touch with other woman from previous affair and even told her about leaving before he told his own family. i was really annoyed that she was told details but somehow he managed to make me feel guilty . he said she was a friend and he could talk to her.
bottom line we married weak men who will never change. they shirk responsibility.when going gets tough they have affairs to make them feel better rather than face truth that they may be at fault. they crave attention without the hassles.
even in my bad moments now, when i think what if he came back,i know i would never trust him again. i have to move on. i know that i will come out of this stronger. they will always be looking for the perfect life and hurt more people on the way whilst they look for it.
you deserve better. get your life back.

thanks guys for the replies, all are appreciated. At least I've found this place to help me along. I nearly texted this morning but have come on here with a coffee instead.

Hi Snowdrop, I was married to a policeman, unfortunately it seems to be a fairly common occurrance, the wife being traded in for a younger model, honour amongst thieves I guess....
I'm sorry to hear that he has traded you in too, life will get better, be thankful that you don't have children or a divorce to go through. Time to be thankful for a lot of things, and get on with looking forward to a new life.
Ultimately these men have a deep need to move on to the next new relationship- looking for the next thrill.
You are in a perfect position to move on, hold your head up high and smile if you see him, don't let him know how much pain you have, and definately do not text him.
What goes around comes around, learn from the experience and try not to fall for a married man again. I pity ex's new wife....lol, will never have children and has the prospect of looking after him in his old age, unless he gets traded in...

Daisygreen

Milly1 wrote:

This man is clearly lacking something in his life, and you shouldn’t feel bad that you genuinely thought it was you.

The answer wasn't between your legs. The answer won't be between hers.
Sorry to be so crude, but what else does a man keep a mistress for?

Two lessons need to be learned here:

Not to allow yourself to become emotionally involved in the 'bit of fun'. And make sure your daughter wants better for herself from her partners.

You could read Relates book: 'Why Charming Men make Dangerous Lovers'.

Snowdrop,

Some people have focussed on your husband and what qualities he is sadly lacking that make him go from woman to woman like he has..

My guess for him is that it's about sex and excitement and having his ego (amongst other things) stroked; something that will be obviously noted once it ceases/ slows down. Because you started out as the 'mistress' I bet you put all the focus on catering for his ego & sexual needs when you first met and, unless you continued to do so with the same amount of energy, then you were always going to be on a hiding to nothing.

On the flip side of that is all the women he is pairing up with and unfortunately hun- this list includes you too!You need to look at what quality was in you that you started seeing him. Was it selfishness, the need for excitement, wanting someone who would be emotionally detatched?

I'm not having a go because you still will feel pain and anguish at being left and it will hurt you just as deeply so I feel for the despair you are in and I don't judge you.

But, he's left a wife in this state before..

I have no doubt his new girlfriend's already stating:
1st wife- he married her too young...
2nd partner (did he marry you?) emotionally unstable/ boring/bunny boiler/ uninterested in sex/ not in love with as never married etc (delete as appropriate) to justify her involvement..

I wouldn't worry too much though as she'll end up next on this list sweetie...

Tia wrote:

I have no doubt his new girlfriend's already stating:
1st wife- he married her too young...
2nd partner (did he marry you?) emotionally unstable/ boring/bunny boiler/ uninterested in sex/ not in love with as never married etc (delete as appropriate) to justify her involvement..

These sorts of men use other women as Buffers to replace their deeper 'need' issue, and don't seem to want to face their own issues. Which is why they project BLAME on to previous girlfriends.

No doubt he uses pillow-talk with the new girlfriend to disrespect you. (He's an influential man in a position of authority, so no doubt they'll accept his word and trust him, as you did for all those years).