Absolutely devastated :-(

We could all write the cliches

- my first/last wife didn't understand me, I can really talk to you

- I didn't know what love was till I met you

- this time its different

etc.

In no time at all they will be hearing

- I need my space

- I love you but I'm not in love with you

Gosh, its dull, isn't it.

Unfortunately it`s not just men who do that , it`s those sort of people, it`s all lies and excuses but it helps them and their new partner to ease their minds. The trouble starts for them when you take yourself right out of the picture and they have nothing to talk about!!
it`s no consolation and offers no satisfaction but 18 months on and my ex wife is tripping over herself to find out what is going on in my life (this just makes me wonder how can this person i knew so well be so shallow? ) my kids are even showing pity towards her and are embarrassed by the way she behaves and shows herself up. I sometimes feel pity for her but stop short of showing it when i remember that she didn`t care whether me and the kids were dead or alive.
She keeps in touch with my brother`s wife and she told me she is gutted that i never had a nervous breakdown or weht to rack and riun and never crawled the earth begging for her to come back!!
When i accepted the facts this woman became repulsive in my eyes, i have neither shown any anger or extreme grief but kept my devastation private, i never call her and any correspondence with her is short , to the point and quite distant and i ignore her attempts at petty smalltalk.
I have done things for myself and kidded myself i look and feel better , eventually that lie to yourself becomes true and you will really feel better,it may not be possible for everyone to do it the way i have but it`s worked for me .
Good luck for the future

hi everybody, god this thread has rung some bells. my ex had wife no. 1 she was pregnant he did the "right thing" and told me when he married her he thought he would give it two years to see if it worked out. i know wife no. 1 as her son was my eldest stepson and we got on well, in fact i supported her when she broke up with a later boyfriend of 10 years. she left the relationship with my ex saying he was never emotionally present and seemed like he did not want to be with her - wise woman , then no. 2 who he had two boys with, who became my two other stepsons, during his relationship with her he had several other girlfriend - bolt holes who he ran to when she ranted at him - poor man(sarcasm) she was an alcoholic !! did he drive her there ?? she finally left him for a younger man but there was always massive anger towards my ex and she actually warned me when i first got togethe rwith him, which was during the latter stages of the girlfirend before me, who he did not actually live with - she was annorexic, neurotic, blah blah, and with me it was different blah blah so he then told me that she had been unfaithful to him, which he also told me about wife no.2 - how heartbroken he had been and how he had neeeeded boltholes !! i was with him 15 years, brought up for at least 75 per cent of the time his two boys along with my two boys , made ex wives welcome too - the latter told me in the beginning that she hated seeing me with him as she did not want to see me filled with anger at some point in the future. tra la lee i went ... 15 years on he went off to big city from small town important professorship, important person, he told me yep his words "im a bit wheel now " i let it go went and got my own hobbies life, then he left me saying i did not have time for him, want him, and we both needed to grow and i had six months int hte house before it needed to go on the market etc. et.c i challenged him with youve met someone else havent you, he said errr well it was going to happen some time. so here i am house on the market, lifestyle, life fabric, extended mad family in dissolution, relationships shattered and he is happily ensconced in his new love nest. i did not as the previous writers believe he would do it to me, thought he had outgrown all that and we had a strong bond blah blah. so 51 starting again, last two days have been low. so i too will be on the look out for the so called serial monogomists - his term for himself, which he feels is a bit hip, which is also how the prat likes to see himself. interesting point though taht sexually not all that, in fact needs chemical props to do it at all, so methinks as much about ego stroking - he used to blame his little problem on his confidence being shattered by previous exes, .........i cant believe i have been so blinkin stupid. but still hard to be alone. sorry to be so verbose but needed to own this one and get it off my chest so to speak.
serial womanisers are not necessarily about sex they do however need their egos stroked, need the buzz of problem free adoring non ranting women. i hope the new one is the biggest neurotic of as all.

cheers all rhi

Learningfast wrote:

and never crawled the earth begging for her to come back!!

Sometimes the Game Players don't understand when you decide 'Game Over / Check Mate / I'm not playing!'

I never understand the theory that Adulterers' actually WANT to be found out?

Oh sweetheart, i know exactly how you feel, my husband left the day befors xmas eve and told me on christmas day that he has been seeing a lady (if you can call her that) for the last 3 months. I am devasted too, but somehow we are going to get through this.. You are going to be ok and you will find he will do the same to her as he has done to you. You will find someone worthy of your love but for now let him go.... Teen x

Rhiannon, confidence shattered, I can hear those words to this day..... lol, I hope she will hear them too one day...
DG

snowdrops wrote:

Oh dear re hard hat and flac jacket I was just trying to be honest

Hi Snowdrop,
Just offering my support, I know how it feels. Whatever the reason, all of us here are touched by some aspect of divorce, whether instigating it or on the receiving end of someone else's, as you were and as I was.

The fact that I was married and wanting a divorce so as to be able to be with someone who treated me better was something I was troubled by too, but I believe that as long as we are all adult no one should be throwing stones. There are plenty of partners who have done the wrong thing, and plenty of people who loved them and got caught up in it.

No need for a flack jacket:kiss:
Mneme