wife wants to leave me

Been there, can lend you the T-shirt.

Yes - get out, but drink VERY little in the way of alcahol.

Alcahol and divorce DO NOT MIX. Alcahol and DEPRESSION do not mix. Alcahol and kids DO NOT MIX.

But use the time to offload. You've earned it.

Back home now had a good night and am OK. few social beers. think im beginning to understand what i need to do now - take control and make sure i get the support i need. i didnt get upset either, which i was expecting

i know she's not happy but i dont think im the source of the problem even though she thinks she needs to hurt me (and herself and our kids) in the process. i will give her the space she needs and take it from there i think. i really dont know what i'd have done if it wasnt for this web site!

Monstar

yeah, it's really weird, you aren't the source of the problem (same as I wasn't) - the way I see it she is 'lost' and she needs to find what she wants in life (like my stbx wants) even if it means hurting and cutting off those closest to her, beause paradoxically she doesn't know what she wants, but feels that the status quo is not it - I know, I've seen it and am on the receiving end of the same thing.

I would give her time, but I would detach myself from the situation - go stay at your mother's for a while and let her see what she's missing......

dd

im going to stay at my mums for a bit on saturday and go back to work on monday and take it from there. i told my w this morning and she cried and said thank you. i know she is not happy but given all that's happened to us recently i know i am not the primary source of this unhappiness. hell i could be all wrong but not being here for her or the kids for a few days will certainly make her do some soul searching. combined with a future where she sees less of her children and a far lower standard of living she aint going to be in a good place.

shes even been trying to get me to agree to her giving up work recently so she can spend more time with the kids and housework and if she leaves me she'll have to spend more time at work to survive. I think she's just lashing out and attemptng to destroy everything we've built together. how can she one one hand want to leave work to be a housewife and the next week want to be a single mum? these are total opposite ends of the spectrum!

Now i'm staying at home with W + the kids for a while to get things in order. I asked this and she agreed as there really is no place else reasonable for me to go and without me there's no-one to take kids to school/nursery etc. i have no friends to stay at. going to my parents would be bad for me and my parents (W even agreed on this one!). im in a mess cos my mums recovering from a nervous breakdown (her sister also had a breakdown and comitted suicide last year so we ALL agree we need to take great care) W is in a mess as her mums having chemo. I feel like im not bad enough to be treated like this and after all weve been through why does she want to end it all?? OK i deserve a big kick up the arse but dont deserve the plug being pulled on my world

Mnstr

I know this probably doesn't help, but i'm going thru exactly the same thing, albeit my wife seems to be more of a pain than yours at the moment.

Both the wife and myself are also 36, and she's given me pretty much the same reasons you had thrown at you!

Keep going mate, stay strong! The way i'm trying to look at things it will all work out in the end, take it step by step.

I've found i've got alot more friends than i realised (not living close to my family as i'm originally from Wales and moved to the south coast last year for her). There are alot more people who have been thru this than you and me, alot of people on here give good advice.

Best of luck!

Sorry to hear of your predicament Gitto. At least we all know we're not the only ones, although it really feels like it sometimes.

Today i got told im getting a salary reduction. dont know the details yet but if it's severe, my MH will be toast. It's amazing that even when you think you've hit rock bottom, someone can still come and excavate more rock. its almost funny.