How can someone so special rip your heart out

Hi teen

Welcome to Wikivorce. However you make it here, you can be sure of one thing - there will be lots of support and understanding (and often lots of practical advice). There was no one else involved in either of my marriage break ups but there isn't a lot of difference in how a marriage breaks down as to how we can feel about it. Often the outcome is exactly the same.

For what it's worth teen - in the year that I have been at wiki, I have seen many arrive in your state... and currently watching lots of them welcome you (and others) in to support you. I've watched them grow stronger and feel able to carry others. This is my prophecy for you over the coming months.

So settle in, join in chat, blog your thoughts, post your experiences...

Welcome to our community

Shezi

Hello Teen

Just read your post and can totally empathise with your situation, i was there exactly this time 5 years ago. I cannot believe 5 years have gone by and your story was similar to mine, except it was his boss' wife he went off with.

I would echo most of the posts above regarding accessing support from G.P., friends, relatives. I found myself repeating my self over and over to people and felt a bit like a broken record. You do really find your true friends when unfortunately this situation arises.

You will become stronger emotionally over time, take one day at a time. Wjat helped for me is writing down my thoughts, worries, feelings on a daily basis, i kept them in note books tucked away. It took me two years to open those notebooks, but it was helpful to write things down, because your head is overwhelmed with everything.

I too lost over 3 stone with the stress, wanted to sleep and hide under the duvet and not come out. However i realised that i and the children were not in control of his life, i couldn't make him come back (even though i was desperate for him too) i decided that i would concentrate on me and the children as a priority and that if he came back in our lives i would deal with that then.

Your children need you they will be anxious for you and that could affect them in a number of ways i.e. school work, sleeping, peer relationships as they would have a loyalty to you. Don't plan too far ahead, just small achievable steps, i used to put something positive in the journal/diary even though it may be a big effort from you, be strong for the children and in time things will get better.

Take care of yourself and keep posting x

Hi Teen,

So sorry to read your story & I can completely empathise. What is is about 13 year relationships ending at the moment? Mine did, about 6 weeks ago. I'd come back from a run, the morning after his birthday & he told me he was in love with someone else. That was it - 13 year marriage over in 15 seconds flat. I've lost over a stone, not eaten much, cried so many tears, felt desolate, ripped apart & thought my life was ending - I actually thought about the easiest way out a couple of times & that is very scary indeed. I am getting better though - have good days & bad days - more good than bad now which is progress. Just keep talking to your friends, spending time with family & your children & you wll get through this. The people we married aren't the same people we fell in love with if they can do this to us. And, at least you find out now, in your 40's (same as me) rather than waste another 10 years with the wrong one. How you got through Christmas Day, I don't know - but find that strength again when you need it & accept that this pain is part of the process that's going to bring you out the other side. Hugs & take care.

Hi teen


as you know from my pm to you, that my stbx told me on xmas day that he was seeing someone else

I to have done the not eating, sleeping , wanting to stay in bed and wish it would all go back to normal.

but xmas was 8 weeks ago yesterday and hey I am still here, I have lost 1.5 stones, I have only had 2 full nights sleep but I am still here.

I still hope he will come back, but again would I want the person he is now, no I want the person he was and I dont think he exists any more.

take care of yourself and please pm me anytime

xxxx

Teen.

I feel for you, the hurt, the loss, the stinky timing, the selfishness. It's all so very typical of this situation.

I have had this, in a way, twice over the last 7 months. Once 2 weeks before our 24th Ann. then again following a non committed (by her) reconciliation 2 weeks before Xmas.

The timing is all about them, they need to be able to have a 'happy' time on these special occasions and they can't do that with you there. That is totally selfish, but acting like that is the only way they can cope.

You will have been in a daze on Xmas day and probably just about 'numb' enough to carry it off. The fact that you did, just shows how strong you can be if you have to. 7 weeks on, the reality is biting you hard and all the negative feelings about yourself are wearing you down. Stop them if at all possible. You are not at fault in anyway. You have been a brilliant mother which is proven by the fact that they are caring so much for you now. Take pride in that fact.

The man that left is NOT the man that you married, he has become a shell of his former self and at the moment, may look the same (although I'll almost gurantee that in a few months he will start to look pale and drawn - you will be the reverse of that!) but inside he is nothing LIKE the same.

I agree with others, get some professional help be it from the GP or a counsellor, I have done both and whilst the lows are still there, they are manageable.

Like Shezi, I too have seen people on here change and start to come through things and then help other people. At first, you will think that you will NEVER be like that, I know I did. You will though, we all know that.

I managed to survive on a banana a day for weeks, so if that is all you can manage to eat, then you will survive too!

Hang in there teen. Ignore Mr Selfish cradle snatcher and concentrate on those around you.

Take Care

Hi Teen

Welcome to Wiki hunny, you are in the right place for support, empathy and a lot of very kind souls to comfort you.

Here is a wiki hug for you > ((((((((teen))))))))

Don't worry, the way you are feeling right now will pass. It doesn't seem like it I know, but please believe us when we say it will. It's odd but I would imagine none of us thought that we would feel so different right at the start, but oddly a lot of us do. It's another one of those surreal things that happen. You have to go through it to come out of the other side.

Please feel free to come into chat and say HI, have a rant or tell us your woes. Everyone in there knows the score, so there is no need to worry, you will be welcomed.

When I first went into chat I was nervous, yet straight away I was welcomed. I observed for a while, as in chat people understand that it can be hard to talk at first. Then I realised that these people were just like me, just at varying stages of their break up. So I joined in and saved myself from my pit of despair. My husband left after 28 years.

Whatever you decide to do, even if it is just posting in the forum or doing a blog to offload, I hope you will find it helpful. Your children are lovely to look after you in such a caring way, it is obviously a reflection on you as a person.

Take care

Stay strong Teen. Just concentrate on getting through one day at a time. Like everyone says, it DOES get better, just takes time is all.

Strap yourself in....hold on real tight, and a better day will come, I promise ya!