How can someone so special rip your heart out

Hi teen, I just wanted to say hello and send you a ((hug)). I don't know the answer to your question, I wish I understood how it all worked, and by crikey have I tried. What I do know is that you have been forced into a dark place, and you are in shock and grieving. Please accept help and support from friends/family and your doctor, you will get through this. Give yourself some time, be kind to yourself and focus on you and your precious, caring children. Keep posting, there is so much help and support on here.
Best wishes

Sorry to hear you story teen. As you've read, a lot of people here have similar stories, particularly about the 'special days' these people choose to tell their partners what's going on - I also found out on my birthday.

As others have said, it does get better/easier. You will get over all this and there is a future out there for you. In the meantime, welcome to wiki. There are a lot of people here who can relate to your story and who you can talk to, share experiences with and generally get some support from

Keep posting and take care

Sun

Hi Teen

Ditto the others comments. I cant imagine how hellish that Xmas day was for you - I have done a one year olds birthday party though in fairly similar circumstances. Its like being on drugs really - those sort of events seem to be like out of body experiences, happening in slow motion totally and utterly surreal. But if you can pull that off youve got alot of inner strength.

You do survive it but not without going through it - dont worry though theres so many of us 40+s in this situation theres probably more of us that the happily marrieds ! So rest assured you are amongst friends and in pretty good company from the peeps I've met on wiki.

It might never be the same again but you can get through this. I hope you get back to work soon and start re-claiming your life. Trust in one thing, theres not much that will come your way that someone on here wont know about.

Rasher

teen wrote:

Time, is passing and I am stuck, I cannot believe my husband could break my heart into so many pieces after I had found my knight in shining armour, after 13 blissful years whit such a special man-: its all gone, our home is now just a house, everything in it is what we brought together and I could smash the lot, but I have to keep calm and stable for the kids..... Every programme on the TV is about splitting up, when i do go out everthing reminds me of what we had, or what we used to do, everyone is part of someone excempt me im sure. What are you suppose do on the weekends when everyone is looking fowrard to it and you dont know what to do or where to start.....

I dont want to be single again and I feel so sad and numb that i dont even know myself anymore.....

(((((teen)))))
Welcome to wiki; I am so sorry for your grieving, which is what this is like. There is a definite loss of self when someone you trusted does this to you, you start to question yourself: how, what, was it me... all of this and probably more, and the waking at night and crying all the time are all signs of grief. It will take time but you can heal from this, thank God for your children and don't waste your energy on your husband any more.
He wasn't as special as you thought (I speak from experience) and to run out on all of you like this is just cowardly. Perhaps he wasn't able to face it knowing his heart wasn't in it, but there are more manly ways to make an exit. He couldn't face telling you either, which means he knew it would hurt you but did it anyway, for his own reasons. Let him deal with that, you deserve so much better.
I would really suggest seeing your GP, this has gone on for quite a time at this level of intensity, and being stuck is not helping you sweetheart. It might only take a few weeks with anti-depressants to stabilise the emotions and get you back to feeling something like normal. It has been big shock for you so don't beat yourself up any more and start taking very good care of yourself. What wonderful kids you have. God bless.
xx

Dear Teen, Yes it does happen. Your life is turned upside down. As you say you are generally a happy, bubbly person. I was at my highest self-esteem, having lost three and a half stone, having a wide cicle of friends, two wonderful boys and life being more than good enough, then bang. H cannot give a committment to our 26yrs marriage. What!! And then a short way down the line a 28yr old comes out the wood work. H wanted to be happy and fulfilled!!
Timing, they are amazing, mine was on our 26th Wedding Anniversary that he was packing boxes ready to move into a flat.
They are selfish, self absorbed often spoilt people who don't deserve us or our tears.
But as many have said, it is a process that you will go through. A numbness of not believing, a sadness of grief for the family unit that was, for the couple and dreams you had. A realization that it has happened, a feeling of anxiety in the pit of your stomach. Associations with everything.(I hated Ruth on X Factor, 28yr old has an accent). But gradually the tears become less, the anger visits and you start to feel again.My boys sing 'Things can only get better'. They do and they will, for all of us. Take care
be kind to yourself, don't feel bad about your children looking after you, you are still there for them, that is what counts. Hugs. Icecream.

Teen

Im sorry to hear your news. I only found this site a couple of weeks ago and wish I had found it sooner as everyone will tell you we all have similar experiences. There is so much help advice and love from everyone.
I too didnt eat or sleep for months. To keep myself going I would make myself redibrek or hot weetabix and just put it to one side and eat it over time. Biscuits dunked in coffee/tea, bananas. Basically baby food. I used to sit at the table with my 18 year daughter watching my every move. It was then that I realised I had to do something. Baby steps.
You probably need to see the doctor, I really didnt want to take anti depressants but knew I needed to, my children were home for the summer holidays and my friend (rock) was leaving. I had to take control. You will be surprised your doctor will have seen this before and will be able to help. Thats all you need a bit of help.
You will hear this time and again, honestly is does get better you are grieving. I still have down days 8 months on but the good days out number the bad.
Your children are there for you, they care and they see what your husband has done. You have them and for now take comfort from that.

Talk and talk and talk that is what you need to do and there is no better place to do that.

xx;)

Hallo Teen

Your knight in shining armour turns out to have feet of clay.

Firstly, pat yourself on the back for doing Xmas dinner for everyone.

Now, go to your GP and ask for help. Anti-depressants come in many forms, you can take a low dose, they aren't addictive but they will help, as my Mum says, "smooth over the bumps in your life". Get some counselling.

How you feel is very normal and how great your kids are helping. My eldest son, now 17, reacted by refusing to go to 6th form and seems to find me quite embarrassing (though not as embarrassing as his father, who is living with son's ex careers adviser and her 2 young children).

The sooner you accept he's gone and start thinking about yourself, being kind to yourself and making plans for the future, the easier it will be.

Good luck. You are among friends here you'll find plenty who are goingthrough/have gone through the hell.