How can someone so special rip your heart out

Hi to you all

I stumbled accross this sight in the early hours, what a heaven sent surprise for me!!!

I am usually a bright bubbly person full of cheer and always up for a laugh, I have three beautiful children, a good job, nice house and car,a loving family and a great circle of friends.

Well for the last seven weeks i have been crying, shaking, not eating, then eating everything, not sleeping, bleaching everthing and scared to answer the phone and step out of the house, and all the usual crap things associated with a marriage breakdown.

Thanks hubby for the Christmas present:- He has have been having an affair, BRAVO what timing......saves on the wraaping I suppose.

Yep, he chose that day to tell me.... he left on the 23rd Dec 08, after I found out he had spend out on all four credit cards on what he could not account for, just stating we had spend out to the max- No, not we, just him !!!!.

Christmas Eve came, all preperations were done and the pressies under the tree, turkey in the oven and 13 people due for Christmas dinner and where was he no where in sight, no phone calls, no messages just a long lonely night for me on my own looking out the window and hearing everyones joy and excitment for the days ahead......

After calling the police early Christmas Morning thinking he was dead, thats the only reason I could give for him not returning to me and the children at christmas time, but once a call was put in to the police, as a missing person, he returned my call never mind the 100s i had tried to ring over the last few days....

Where are you I asked?, relieved he was alive, In Dearby, was his reply, what you doing up in Derby?, Who do we know in Derby!! Urrhh no-one, we live in the Midlands... silence then the penny starts to drop who are you with..silence...have you someone else hesitantly replies,,,,yes and I am not coming home for a few days, I need a break... we have family arring in a few hours for Christmas dinner and the kids will be up up to open up the presents....

Believe me or believe me not, I cooked for the all the guests and we sat down at 2pm for Christmas dinner with the children not knowing where he was and yes it was akward and very hard to sit opposite an empty chair, but as a family we all mucked in and presented the dinner to my colour co-ordinated Christmas table. I could not eat a thing but nothing was said as we pulled crackers and drank champagne...

So, my life and the life of the children has been left in turmoil for the last 7 weeks. I have not managed to get back to work yet, or face friends that I normally see, some days I cant even get out the bed let alone have a wash, or care for myself or feed the kids - How bad does that make anyone feel?, to know that your kids are putting you to bed because you just cant manage to climb the stairs, let alone when your 14 year old daughter is running you a bath and telling you you must wash,eat, drink and sleep and all three of our children locking uo the house and calling my mom and sister to report me in bed, safe and sound......

Time, is passing and I am stuck, I cannot believe my husband could break my heart into so many pieces after I had found my knight in shining armour, after 13 blissful years whit such a special man-: its all gone, our home is now just a house, everything in it is what we brought together and I could smash the lot, but I have to keep calm and stable for the kids..... Every programme on the TV is about splitting up, when i do go out everthing reminds me of what we had, or what we used to do, everyone is part of someone excempt me im sure. What are you suppose do on the weekends when everyone is looking fowrard to it and you dont know what to do or where to start.....

I dont want to be single again and I feel so sad and numb that i dont even know myself anymore.....

So, if you want to chat to a mixed up 40 year old please drop me a line, and i will try to offer you what I can.

Your not mixed up teen your just feeling the grief it is overwhelming at times and can be very scary.

dont worry you will pull through as we all do i hope to anyway

try the chat room you will find lots of freindly advice in there and also on the boards.

i promise it gets easier honestly

god look at the time i better get to work

seany

hi teen - oh you poor thing, i am so sorry you are in this mess and have been going through this hell for the past 7 weeks!!

i cannot believe that your husband can be so insensitive to leave practically at christmas when you have 3 children at home and giving you no inkling to his whereabouts.

i don't have any advice for you really although i wanted to put out a hand to you since we are both online at 6.30am i do think that you are depressed though and wonder if you have visited your gp for some help - you might not want to take them but anti-depressants may just help you get through the basics of the day a bit better for yourself and the kids.

many many (((hugs))) to you, i know that you will receive ALOT of help and support on this site, plus lots of fantastic advice from those who are in the know or have been through something similar and i hope getting some practical help will make you feel alot better. be strong, you have found WIKI now and i am sure it will be a lifeline to you.
pink xx

teen

i know how you're feeling - my wife decided to tell me it was over the day before my birthday, though I don't think that it was deliberate - no one else involved, but nevertheless the woman I married 13 years ago in one fell swoop destroyed my life, though 6 months on it's getting better. I too cannot believe that someone could do something like this.

Concentrate on you and your children and keep on posting here because this site has been a Godsend for me and allowed me to rant, ask advice, see things from a different prespective etc

take care

dd

(((u))) Welcome to wiki hun. The people on here are so wonderful, supportive and they have strong shoulders for leaning on. And lots of tissues:P
It is an emotional rollercoaster; we understand so well. I'm sorry that you have to join us here but it is a place to talk. And people listen here to you and understand. He is a bleep for walking out on you and your children; nevermind just before christmas. We'll add him to our bleep pile.
My heart goes out to u and your kids. Keep talking to us. We are here for you through this terrible time.
Look after yourself hun. You deserve that.
x

Teen its the first time i have sent a message on here but i had to let you no it does get better i have been in the same place as you i also have three children ( all boys) and they looked after me they were my rocks the reason for me to get up each morning other wise i dont no how i would have done it. I was told to treat each day like a box of chocolates you pick one and even if you dont like it tomorrow you can pick another and with any luck it will be a nicer one hugs to you
Jane

Welcome to wiki hun...sadly your story isnt' unique...so many run along the same theme..My own included.

It does get better, for now it'll feel like a big empty nothingness, but hold onto your positives in the form of your children and your friends/family...take all the offers of support you are given.

I'm now 5 months in and can now say (my stbx was also the perfect hubby) that he has done me favour and I am smiling and happy and taking my life down a different path..

Good luck for the future, it will be tough but we are all here to support you

Puds xx