Hi, I am new . xxx

Hi

You mention many different dates in your posts...

He first left you after redundancy 4 years ago
He left in Nov 06, Dec 07, Oct 08.....

Only a guess but do these dates correlate with him having large ammount of ready cash avaiable?

I would tell him you are worth twice as much as her and would very much appreciate an item of jewellery cosing 44k as a token of proof of his good intentions.

So what do you think Fade.... as soon as he runs out of money after bonuses, he wants to come home??

I would give him a spotted hanky and a stick and tell him to to and find his pot of Gold at the end of the Rainbow;)

zara

Zara

If if he did have money left and bought an expensive ring, I would keep the jewellery and still not have him back,

Fade x

Thank you so much everyone for your responses. It's great to have your support. I know you understand how I feel.

I am still struggling to move forward although I have lots of friends and I am certainly not a misery! In fact I am very out-going and bubbly.

My husband, who supposedly wants me back but is still living with HER says that he doesn't want to rent a flat nearby on his own as he only wants to leave HER to be with me!!!

It is a case of 'cake and eat it', isn't it!

I just wish the divorce process was a lot quicker! The first Court hearing is on 20th May and this has been going on for ages and is SO expensive! A lot of the delay is husband's lies/gaps on his form E. He is now supposed to be preparing an honest one!

I don't generally have low self-esteem but I am still allowing him to have control in some ways!
I know that I MUST stop answering his texts and occasional phone calls. Especially when they are only sent/made when HE chooses and he is obviously lying to HER as well! Not that I care, of course!

Perhaps with your help I can stop feeling compelled to answer him and move forwards.

Thank you again. It is great to hear from you all.

Janine xxx

Hi Janine

You sound a wonderful woman.

DONT have him back. He make be the 'nicest' man in the world. But clearly he is not someone who will ever be able to support you emotionally, as he only cares for himself.

He is a very weak man in my opinion and if he truly loved you he would be prepared to show you by being on his own whilst he courted you all over again.

But he is afraid that if he leaves the OW, you would not want him and then he would be left with nothing, on his own. And clearly his own company is something he cannot cope with. However, you are showing you are more than capable of coping and going it alone. So who is the strong one here?

Do you want to live in a relationship where you are the strong one and knowing what he did to you he could do again?

Move on, feel flattered (if that is possible - that he wants you back) - play up to him whilst you get your life on track. A life without him. You could do so much better.

Jo x

Thank you, Jo. You are so right about everything you say.

I am just very sad that this has happened and hate the thought of being alone. I am a very affectionate, loving and fun person and my husband is the opposite.

I would love to be with someone again one day. I love being married and sharing. I will be 50 in June, but mentally I am about 23!

With love,

Janine xxx

Lisia

We can be mental together, I was 50 last year, and have remarried after divorce. I know what you mean though, it is part of sharing and caring, especially if you are that sort of a person.

You will come through this. Take time to readjust. Things change quickly, once you have found your 'new self' you will have to fight them off:laugh:

Dont have him back just for the sake of not being on your own though, it will not work. Save your love and loyalty for someone who deserves it;)

You will find the strength to do it, take small steps and it will not be long before you are striding it out.

Stay on wiki, we will all help you through the ups and downs.

Let him float around like a lost soul, and you be the life and soul!!

Give him the boot, you dont need him anymore.

zara