The post I never wanted to make

Hello everyone.

Just thought I would register and introduce myself. I'm mid 30's and have been married for 14 years in a couple of weeks. For the last few months my wife has been quiet and unapproachable. We never have argued so this is a bad sign. We split temporarily ( couple of months ) a number of years ago but started communicating again and soon after had a lovely girl , she's 5 now.

By accident I found a valentines e-card from another man on her computer last week and was dismayed. I made time to have 'the chat' about us and she told me she no longer loved me and was only still here because of our daughter, I asked straight out if there was someone else, but she denied it. I'm currently very hurt, angry and scared all at once. I have suggested counselling as I didn't know what else to do, but since then have located another load of information about this man and graphic detail of what they have been doing. I feel like I have been kicked, I can't eat or sleep much at the moment.

I guess that this is a terminal situation so will have to start proceedings soon. I'm here because I need an outlet for my feelings, if you aren't going through it then it's hard to explain.

I'm sure I'll have some more questions soon. Can't type much more at the moment.

welcome hurting, i am sorry that you find yourself here.

there are lots of people here that can help bolster you at this time so come back often and use the chat room.

take care of yourself.

Hi hurting

Welcome to wiki. Sorry to hear about your situation, its a very difficult thing to go through. You'll find lots of help, advice and support on the forums here and in the chat room too.

Rosie

lots of us been through this and many further down the line, horrible time , people on here are great and it really helps to know others have been there and know exactly what you are talking about/dare i say feeling keep posting x rhi

Hi Hurting

Sorry to hear about your situation. I know exactly how you feel, having been there myself. I found about my wife's affair over 18 months ago.

It does get easier with time, and whilst at the moment you feel like your whole world has fallen apart, these things can be got through.

All the best

Steve

Welcome to Wiki, you are not alone with your past experience as you will find out as you use this site more and more. I have recently split under similer circumstances. I knew she was friendly with another guy and things were not good at home between us but the afair only came out 3 weeks after I left. Just didn't see it happening!

If it is of any comfort you are not to blame and there are statistics that would suggest that 70-75% of seperations are due to the wife having an affair. (Ladies, this is not a pop at your gender)
My wife felt bored and unhappy with me and had done so for a while and eventually sought comfort with someone else. Despite having everything she ever wanted it just wasn't enough and I lost her heart somehow. This unfortunatly is very, very common so please don't beat yourself up about it. I repeat - It is NOT your fault.

The lack of eating and sleeping is normal. This is going to be a life changing event and a long haul until you will get some peace of mind again.

I would suggest you get all help and support you can from wherever you can get it. This place is useful as you will find many people with the same experience, they will help you get through this if you let them.

Hi mate,

It's a real kick in the stomach, that's for sure. Best thing you can do now is to TRY and think about anything apart from what you have just found out.

How did your W respond to the suggestion of counselling? (probably said it's too little too late or it's no good)
but if she was even partially receptive, then you may have a chance.

One thing though, I fell foul of this (until today, 7 months later) do NOT believe anything she tells you right now. Her mind is consumed with guilt, hate for herself and confusion. She will say ANYTHING to avoid further conflict. I was told the same and thought, "yeah, but you don't know my wife!"...well it it turns out, neither did I. I have now been constantly lied to for 7 months and that is the action of an extreme coward.

So, believe nothing she says, do anything to stop thinking about it, give yourself at least 24 hours to think about things, then let us know how you feel.

We are all here to help, and there is a good chance that at least some of us have been EXACTLY where you are now.

Take Care