Alone surrounded by couples

This is still one of the hardest parts of divorce for me, and something I really have to force myself to do even coming up to 2 years post-divorce. That is going to school functions with a whole bunch of couples, most of whom I don''t know, which usually will involve questions about my husband. Just came back from one tonight feeling a little traumatised, but at least I went.
Does anyone else get the feeling that single people make others feel uncomfortable especially when it''s a parents or couples function or am I just having a moment of paranoid self-pity?!

Hi Vastra

Sorry you have been feeling bad. I think you are entitled to a bit of self pity!

Think as far as single people go I was definitely guilty of being a "smug married" - little did I know! Saying that he hardly ever ''had time'' to attend events with me so often on my own anyway. Definitely feel uncomfortable at times being on my own but those things that I have to attend know I just have to hold my head high and hopefully get used to it.

Best Wishes.

Yes, I remember this feeling of aloneness well. Felt that I was walking around with a huge "loser" sign on my head.
In fact I wrote a poem about attending my youngest daughter''s new school by myself in one of my many blogs!
Further down the line now and I realise that I was probably feeling very raw at the time and chances are the other couple parents neither knew or cared that I was by myself.
Hang in there- it does get better!

After I got divorced, the friendship with a married couple I knew changed a bit. I couldn''t help but feel that they looked upon me as a ''symbol of what might potentially happen''. I sensed they sometimes felt uncomfortable in my presence (but that might be more down to my ranting! ) But, I got to see the big picture stuff that I ended up getting new friends, and it didn''t matter so much (but that takes time).

On another (kind of related note), one thing I do struggle with is seeing people on the street (or at parties) who are clearly in love with each other, giving each other massive public displays of affection. I (personally) find it sickening.

It took me a while to understand why: it''s because of two different types of empathy. There is the ''awww... bless, that''s what they''re feeling, sweet!'', the memory that you have when you were at a similar point.

There''s the second excruciating and cynical type of empathy that comes with the recollection of having gone through a nasty breakup. It''s the empathy that goes, ''poor sods when it comes to an end'' (at the same time as the ''aww! sweet!'' bit).

I guess all this is a reflection that I''ve either got a bit further to go, or that I have issues, or I need to get another hobby to occupy my time.

JJ x

I recently attended a fund raising evening alone, the tables were set up for 8 and I knew 2 couples very well I will be forever grateful to the strong man who procured a spare chair and manoeuvred everything about to provide a seat for me at their table in such a can do no problem manner. It made what was in danger of turning into a self pity fest into a nice evening out and meant so much to me that if I ever get the chance to do something similar I will.

First of all well done Clawed for getting out there.

A slightly different take on this - I hurt myself recently and got myself to A&E in a taxi (with all my friends saying at once "you should have called me").

As I hobbled towards the triage room the nurse shouted out "Are you on your own?" in front of a whole waiting room of people. It made me feel quite awkward so defensively I said "Yes, is that ok?" It made me feel there was no one to care about me and I got a lump in my throat. As I sat being assessed I thought I do have people who care about me. Just because ex doesn''t. He wouldn''t have come with me anyway, he''d be complaining about the waiting time, and how it was my fault I was injured in the first place.

Sometimes, you just have to bite the bullet and go for it. Whilst the hospital situation was not a social gathering, it did get me thinking I''m not alone.

The hardest thing I found was when I had to have a small operation and had to write my dads name as next of kin.