totally lost

The place you are now is horrendous,but we have all been there,and slowly are coming out the other side,but that journey is long,hard and heartbreaking,but it is doable,but you have to experiance this pain to begin healing,but we all support you on this,and are there for you.
As QPR said,the wife you knew is not the person you know now,she mentally left your marriage a long time before physically leaving,so she had her gameplan in place,unfortunatly you are in catch up mode,you have to deal with her leaving,finances and your own heartbreak,
somehow they detach themselves from these emotions,but maybe they have already dealt with them,I dunno?
You need to keep walking the dog,fresh air for you also,I lost my beloved dog 6 months after my journey started,and can honestly tell you,I miss my dog more than him,tells you everything really!!!!!
Only words and support we can offer,but it helps,we are all here for each other to have a rant at,but also share a laugh with,and that I promise you will come back,when I realised I was laughing regurlarly,I also realised that I was starting to heal,and although still a work in progress,I''m getting there,but honestly without the support of certain WIKI''S(you know who you are xx)I know that I would not be in such a good place.

Take care,stay positive
Luv and cwtchs
Afon xx....................

Hi mag. It''s been less than a week since my wife decided that she wanted us to separate. Having read through your story I realise that my feelings of complete dispair are not uncommon, in fact they seem to be almost exactly the same as yours. For that, in a strange way, I thank you.

We have kids which complicates matters, but we''re still amicable and living in the same house for the time being at least. I too still really love her and constantly want to find a way to make things right for us again.

But having read several stories around here I''m starting to realise that it''s just not likely, but only during my rare non-emotional periods! I have to admit that I''m just not right for her at the moment. I really, really want to be and I know I would still give anything for the chance to try again, yet I know that''s just stupid (but I''d still do it!).

Sorry I can''t be more helpful, but I just wanted you to know that your story has really touched me for the similarities in what we''re feeling. At the moment I don''t think I''ll ever get better, but I''m starting to rebuild friendship groups and family ties that I neglected for years because I thought my wife was all that I needed. I reckon guys like us are going to need as much help as we can get for a while!

Keep going mate. I think that''s all we can do. And during those rare non-emotional periods (which I seriously hope get longer with time!) maybe you''ll start to put some parts of your life back together in a way that suits you, not someone else.

no conact for 5 weeks now - but likewise nothing from her side. it doesnt look good. i know im going to get through this, i wont let it beat me.

confusedmonkey - so sorry to hear. you at least are still living together. i would suggest getting a book called "divorce busting" and trying to implement the things in it before either you or your wife leave. you may stand a chance of salvaging things or not, i dont know. all i know is, once your separated, it becomes a hell of a lot harder to do anything about your problems.

you also have to accept (as i do in my more rational moments) that there needs to be will on both sides to make a marriage work properly. i wish you the best of luck.