How long would you wait for partners divorce?

I certainly didnt mean by having a serious talk with him that you should nag him.

You seem to be the one doing all the work, , Jenna, you doing all the giving and showing all the commitment, and doing all the compromising, in/to this relationship, with [apparently, from what you have written] little of the same from your partner. That''s not a balanced relationship. Its as others have said - him having his cake and eating it

The question is, if you don''t have that talk with him, and explain clearly how you are feeling, how much longer are you prepared to let this situation continue as it is? 6 months, a year, another 3 years?

it''s getting ridiculous

It is, and he is also taking you for granted - do you really want to just let things lie in the hope that he might, just might, one day do something about the situation, or do you want to have a proper, balanced relationship with both of you showing the same level of commitment and compromise to each other?

I was in a very similar situation (except we didn''t have a child together), and despite a whole load of promises, these never materialised, and I had to make a decision based on what was right for me and my kids, and that was I wasn''t prepared to wait around (3 years was quite long enough) for someone else to get their act together and start showing some commitment. If after 3 years, that commitment wasn''t there, I felt it was never going to be there.

I understand you love him, you are committed to him, and to the relationship - but can he say the same, because he isn''t demonstrating that sadly.

Applying the word ''relationship'' seems to be pushing the point. A relationship is a two way thing with responsbilities for both parties, and respect, and it seems the respect is missing or he would not be messing about not even trying to get things moving. I agree ''cake and eat it'' comes to mind.

Jenna,

Me and my stbxh have been separated 2 years this christmas. My solicitor contacted him to agree grounds for the divorce before the summer holidays and so far my stbxh has not only ignored all correspondence bat hasnt mentioned it at all, even in arguments which is unusual for him. He has been with OW since before he moved out. He has yet to take any legal action against anything since we separated so i dont see him taking the initiative to do it and as he was the one who cheated he has no grounds. I have no idea why he continues to ignore my solicitors letters, and once the copy of the marriage certificate comes my solicitor will be sending out the Petition which i anticipate he will also ignore and need to be served. As i dont know his address all correspondence goes through his mothers address so there is no way the OW doesnt know about the letters.

I personally think OW is pathetic and somewhat desperate to remain with a man who cheated on his wife with her and now refuses to acknowledge a divorce. They have no children together, he moved into her council house with her 2 kids and she is 8 years older than him. And he is by no means a catch!!

We have no real finances together, always kept bank accounts separate, no house, joint belongings etc. He doesnt earn enough to pay SM and we use the CSA for maintenance so there really is no reason not to get divorced.

I am not in anyway implying you are on the same level as OW. Just wanted to give you my experience and perhaps encourage you to re-evaluate your situation. It cant be easy bringing up 2 children alone when you re in a relationship with the father of one!

Ruby- when I sat him down and spoke about it all back in March, he was full of apologies, apparently felt bad he''d let us all down etc. I''m sure if I did it again he''d say the same but would he do anything? I''m not so sure of that. He completely takes me for granted, I agree. I do his shopping and washing, take our baby to see him on his lunch break, cook him tea, pay for everything for the kids and for him to be included in our days out. Jslgb - I see your point and am sure his ex thinks I''m pathetic for being with him while he''s still married to her (though I was Never the OW) and I''m sure she tells people he has picked my kids and I over contact with his own and blames it on me when in truth I''ve encourage him to seek contact repeatedly.

Jenna29 wrote:

Ruby- when I sat him down and spoke about it all back in March, he was full of apologies, apparently felt bad he''d let us all down etc. I''m sure if I did it again he''d say the same but would he do anything? I''m not so sure of that. He completely takes me for granted, I agree. I do his shopping and washing, take our baby to see him on his lunch break, cook him tea, pay for everything for the kids and for him to be included in our days out.

Don''t you think you are worth more than that?

Apologies and words of contriteness are one thing, but if they are said without being followed up with actions, they mean nothing

Jenna.

My partner has only just divorced his ex 3 years after she left him to set up new love nest with her OM. I met up with him 6m after they split, and accepted that they wanted to wait the 2 years; they communicated well, kids were happy and settled. The 2 year deadline came.....and went....

She got pregnant by her new chap and I confronted him about getting divorced, to which he told me ''she''s too delicate to do it now''. To which I replied well good luck being the legal parent of that baby if you''re still married to its mother when its born (not sure if that was 100% accurate but all my research pointed that way).

I told him all about how I felt; that him not getting divorced made me feel like he wasn''t committed to me, etc etc, just as you''re feeling now. He told me not to nag as it didn''t work. In my head I gave him a deadline to get the wheels in motion. He finally scraped through with literally days to spare, the Nisi came and the Absolute literally days before his ex had the new baby.

Not sure you''ve got such a bargaining tool as its you who''s had the baby rather than the ex. I agree that he''s having his cake and eating it, not sharing the good times with the bad - and it must be (in your heart of hearts) breaking you that he''s not around to help with the mundane, everyday stuff rather than the days out, lunch dates etc.

Does he contribute finacially towards the baby? I can appreciate that with his FMH to pay for, his own rent (assuming he IS renting somewhere) he must (hopefully) be feeling the pinch financially - it really is just a couple of hundred quid to submit the forms to court.

You could even print them off for him to complete; that way he''s got them and can''t use that as an excuse?

I know how you feel about him not moving in until he''s divorced. But is there nothing you can do to try and persuade him? Stop the lunch dates perhaps? Stop other priveledges maybe?

My partner told me nagging didn''t work.... It did though, and if you can do it subtly then more brownie points for you! Do you have much communication with his friends and family? maybe some gentle encouragement (AKA guilt tripping) from them might shove him along a bit.

Then there''s always the ultimatum!

Sorry, I''ve gone on a bit(lot). He needs his arse kicking, and the sooner he stops enjoying all that cake eating the better!

Jesus wept shame he wasn''t as impotent in the never regions as he is in all his other actions.
All the best
HRH xx