How long would you wait for partners divorce?

Actions speak louder than words, are you really prepared to spend months and possibly years waiting for either him or his wife to sort out a divorce (it is equally up to her to get a copy of the marriage certificate bearing mind she also wants a divorce).

If when the whole thing is wrapped up and husband and wife do get divorced do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who talks a lot but does not appear to be acting in the same manner.

Does he have regular contact with his children from the existing marriage?

His wife won''t start proceedings because he is currently paying all marital debts so she is better off staying married. This is the only area he doesn''t act on, he is proactive at work etc. He has no contact with his children. His ex told him to get a contact order to arrange regular contact - he hasn''t. He has seen them twice for a few hours since Christmas, the last time was over 6 months ago.

Dare I speak from a mans point of view...

Sounds like he has his cake and is eating it.

He has his time and timeout, doesn''t have the financial commitment to you, can pick you up and drop you off as and when it suits, gets all the perks of a relationship without the day to day life with it. Can switch off from you when you are not there, doesn’t have to have baby crying during the night so can sleep peacefully. Shall I go on?

I am not saying he doesn’t love you but come on, kick his ass babe.

I see your point but it is actually him that wants us to move in, if I would he''d be happy for us to stay over every night. It is me that insists I don''t. Oh and the baby doesn''t cry at night

The fact that he is not pushing for contact and his wife has no interest in divorce as he is currently paying all her bills (but not any of yours) is not looking good.

I agree he is having his cake and eating it, if he wanted to move in with you he would being active in a divorce, making efforts to see his children and letting his wife know that he cannot continue to take full responsibility for her finances that she must make a contribution too.

I do think all round that you are being used both by him and also by his wife. What about your unborn child and what about your own young child.

You may see him as a father figure to your little one but at the moment he is showing no signs of being a father figure for his other children and how is he properly going to be a father figure to the unborn who is also his?

Jenna read your old posts

Are you in a pattern of stating the problem, asking for people''s comments then spending time picking holes in what others have said or saying that their comments don''t apply in your situation? Then ending up doing nothing about it, because everyone else is "wrong" and then things don''t move forward at all?

Maybe you think I''m having a go. If you do, I''m really sorry as I can see you are very upset about things as they are. What I am trying to get at, perhaps in a way that might feel too direct, is the point that you seem very stuck.

His actions suggest to me that he does not want to be with you. Whether that is through circumstances which he will do nothing to resolve or maybe he is just one of life''s drifters? Letting stuff just happen. I mean he''s not taking any action to move this relationship on. You are not dating a teenager who pops round for a visit, this man is a father to one of yr children.

I agree you should not nag him into submission either but I don''t think that was Ruby''s point. How many chances are you going to give him? You have the answer already Jenna, he has given you the response by doing nothing for three years, he continues to let you down and break his promises to divorce. Only you can decide when you are ready to face that truth.

The baby is born soulruler, she is 3.5 months old now which makes it even more unbelievable that he has done nothing. I have shown endless commitment to him; travelling for hours with my daughter to visit him when we first met, letting him be so involved in her life, standing up for him with my/his ex, supporting him to seek contact with his children, caring for them, ferrying my kids to and from his house to visit and stay over and so on and so on. I just hate the thought that effectively I have to blackmail him into doing what he should naturally be doing without being told.