How long would you wait for partners divorce?

Stronger - His wife has had another baby since they seperated, about 18 months ago! The baby has my partners surname and his name could be on the birth certificate as OM is out of the picture. Has he done anything about it....? You guessed it, no he has not! No he doesn''t contribute financially but his FMH is sold so he isn''t paying for that. We''re away for the weekend (another trip I''ve planned and paid for...) then next week I think it''s time to the talk followed by demonstrating how much I do for him...by doing none of it!

Jenna

I have just reread all these posts and have followed your story since you joined wiki. Everyone here is looking out for you and wanting you to see things as they really are. The decision on what you do is yours and yours alone. You protect him and try and justify all his inactions that is what we all do when we truly love someone but it comes to a point when that is not enough. Be strong and stick up for yourself and your two children that is what is important now. Your partner burying his head in the sand (despite what he says) will do no one any good at all.

Take care hope you find a way!

His wife had a baby and it has his name?

While you were together???

They are still married so she would NOT have needed him to be at the register office to register the birth.... Anyone want to make a small wager that he IS named on the birth certificate??

(Deleted paragraph due to being too chicken to suggest it might even be his baby)

He needs to make his mind up, sharpish, or have it made up for him. You are worth more than that Jenna...

Good Luck

Definitely not his baby, he didn''t even know where she was living at the time, plus the baby is Ginger like OM! Bet my partner is on the birth certificate though.

Well that can easily be checked by buying a copy of the birth certificate from the birth registrar - don''t think it costs much - just a few pounds.

What he doesn''t need is to find himself paying for a child that isn''t his own and neither do you in effect.

All the way through I''ve tried to give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

His reticence in sorting things out with the divorce, avoiding confrontation - yes, not ideal, but not everyone is gung-ho.

But then having you pay for everything, you doing all the chores and this .......... the not knowing, but strongly suspecting his name is on the birth certificate of a child that isn''t his - and Not. Doing. Anything. About. It. Its inexcusable.

My fear is that he aint going to change.

So, you work your wiles and he gets divorced and you move in together. Is he going to be the man you want him to be? or will he be the same weak man he is now, but you''re living together? While you continue giving 180% and he gives 20% the relationship will work (as it does now) but you may not be happy (as you''re not now)

I think if he doesn''t get his act together and make some improvements, if he remains the same the relationship will work - as long as you make all the decisions, take action, plan things, pay for things - give 180%.

I''ve tried to word this in the most empathetic, supportive way I can.

On a happier note; I''m also glad things are going well with the baby - lucky you - a baby that doesn''t cry at night

soulruler - Not sure of the babys date of birth so it would be difficult to seek her birth certificate. This matter being unresolved, along with the unresolved contact with his children and divorce is all the more reason that I refuse to move in. A few months ago he got a letter saying he had to pay off a £10000 loan his wife took out (and he signed for) while she paid £1 a month - which she''s since stopped paying. I cannot make myself and the children reliant on him in any way when he has so many loose ends that could come out of the woodwork if he continues to bury his head in the sand.

WR - It is inexcusable. What''s more inexcusable is that he didn''t even tell me about it (despite his ex wife telling him) - I had to find out from someone else. He apparently didn''t see what the fuss was.