Dump a pregnant woman

Hi Toms,

In answer to your question, the law will hold you will be financially responsible for your child for a set amount related to your income.

You could however clarify to the expectant mother your own feelings and the limits of what you see as your emotional responsibility. As you say, it would be better for the child to have one loving parent than God forbid, one distressed and one indifferent.

YA

Penny10p
I notice you have quoted a line from my post....
I fully believe when you have sex with someone without adequate protection then you are showing that you will accept the possibility of a child. If the thought is there that "If I get pregnant, then I can always have a termination" then you deserve all you get.
A termination is NOT a form of contraception and in my oppinion Tom is being selfish and naive.
I don't wish to offend anyone, as this is a public forum I believe we are all entitled to our opinions. Tom wanted advice and I think that's what we've all given him.

Hi toms,

My gf has become pregnant, but we did not plan it. She wants a kid. But I am not ready for the long term committment since I do not love her. We are not married and we do not live together. Will I still be financially responsible for a child support?

Now I tend to believe that it is better to have kids that are not yours but with a woman you love than to have your own kids with a woman you do not love.

she used "out of ovulation period" method, and it did not work, now I am trapped...

But what is the alternative? How can one live with a woman he does not love?

It is so depressive. What sort of argument can I use to convince her to make an abortion? My parents are so unhappy as well. They believe she just used me as a sperm bank and to have additional money afterwards. I do not subscribe to their point of view since gf claims she loves me, but I'm not sure and I stuggle with the thought that my parents are right.

When did you find out about the pregnancy? Have you had time to get used to the idea and be able to talk about it calmly with your girlfriend?


a couple of weeks ago. First I was excited since I did not fully realize the consequences. But later I felt depressed. I could not start a conversation about abortion since I did not wish to hurt her feelings, but I feel I do not want a child from her. When I walk along the street, I think that I would rather have a child from 99% of random girls than from her. When she told me about the pregnancy she did not even mention that we need to get married (before she was preoccupied with a marriage idea). I concluded that now she received what she wanted and is not that interested in me.

she states she is interested, however, I have doubts due to her changed behavior.

What changed behaviour?


before she was obsessed with the marriage, now it seems to be not necessary. She only stated that there will be no sexual relationships again untill we are married.

By the way, we only knew each other for a couple of months before conception. Now I find more and more negative features in her. She seems to love me. She has never pointed to a single negative feature in me. I feel such a pity for her, but I don't think it is the love.

Talking about what? She will not likely disclose her motives.

Another suspicion that I have is that she is financially distressed (very close to a bankruptcy) and may be just interested in me to repay her debts/mortgage. I think she not will admit it even if it is true.

I needed to copy and paste all of your opinions toms so I can see the whole so far from your perspective.

toms, what do you think? You can be honest here if you want to as none of us knows you. Sometimes writing stuff down and coming back to it later, generates different thoughts.

Try to take a day out on your own, where there are no people around, amd no external influences, walk and think, sometimes it helps, just a thought. Whatever you decide, I hope it is workable for both of you.

It sounds to me you are looking at how you will be expected to provide for your baby. I don't have minors (under 16/18), but I am sure someone may tell you what percentage of your income would have to be contributed to the child. If you can do nothing else for this child, please at least take responsiblity for it's financial security.

79fw

At the end of the day, there is now a child coming into the world. This child deserves both parents, be that together or apart, it deserves to know where it came from and have both sides of it's family. Bringing up a child puts huge strain on even the most solid relationship, so it would be the worst idea to stay together for the sake of a child.

Unfortunatley men have no idea what it is like to be carrying a baby inside you (not their fault I know) with all your feelings and hormones all over the place. An yes there are women who get pregnant on purpose - there will be fault on both sides. But lets not get into the argument of should have used contraception (yes they should have if a pregnancy wasnt wanted), lets deal with the reality of the situation (not saying any of this is right or wrong just reality).

1.Sorry, but if your gf wants to keep the baby, I'm afraid you will have no choice

2.You still have a choice to walk away

3.Even if you stay or go you will still be financially responsible for the welfare of your child like it or not

4.Please start thinking about the baby not each other who's to blame etc...

5.Next time, keep it covered!

Thanks to everybody, who responded. I am considering a variant to give it a try, that is, to live with the future mother since I imagined if my future daughter or son may later ask whether I gave a chance to the mother and I did not - it would not sound nice. I also think that the period from 0 to 3 is a very difficult one and it would be very unsupportive if I leave even before a baby is born. I imagine that my daughter/son would see the pictures of when she/he was young together with me, she/he would feel that they did have a family with their native father, who tried to build relationships. However, I feel that we are very incompatible, and it may be just a risky experiment. Therefore I want to know what will be the legal consequences of an unmarried partnership in case if I decide to move out eventually after 1-3-5 years? Will I be also required to pay alimony to mum, pay her mortgage? What may be the psychological consequences for me if it is not successful? Will my clean conscience be worth an effort? I understan these are very difficult questions, but may be someone had a similar situations/examples.

It's getting very late for me but i'm gonna have a think about this one before i respond to your questions, as you have raised alot there.

Toms

No one can tell you how you will feel in 1-3-5 years time, only you know that, because you know yourself better than any of us here.

A child is for its' life not just a few years, if you can't give him or her a lifetime then what can you give him/her?

If it is only financial security then just do that. If it is a few days of your week each week then do that.

Angel will hopefully give you some idea of how the financials are worked out, tomorrow.

How would you feel if this child was you? What would you be advising your dad to do?

Are you always going to put your feelings first? If so then don't hurt this unborn child by giving them a dad who isn't prepared to put their childs feelings/needs first, please, it really hurts them.

You are actually starting to think about how the child might feel so you aren't totally uncaring

I wish you well

79fw