have the money but dont want it to go to kids

Hi,

I was divorced about 15 years ago now when my twin girls were about 3 months old.

They are now coming up 15 and my ex is wanting me to pay more money for them

we have a court order that was based on my pay 15 years ago, (about £25k I think it was at the time)

I have worked really hard since leaving my ex and now earn in excess of £60k per year.

I got married again and I have two children with my second wife.

First wife was always great about letting the kids see me, so no cntact issues.

Every now and again she would ask for an increase of child maintenance (basically every time I got promoted or got a payrise...we worked for the same company so both of us got the annual rise, so why did she want my rise as well?)

She got married 3 years ago and went onto have another child herself.

Her new husband isnt short of a bob or two and they live a good life, even though he doesnt earn as much as I do, he provides well for my two girls and their own son they had together.

My ex wife has decided not to go back to work now.

She says new husband earns enough so she can stay home (and basically do nothing all day).

But she has now started asking for more maintenace for the twins.

Im not happy about this, I feel like Im paying for her to stay at home instead of going back to work.

Also they are well enough off, or would be if she went back to work.

Her argument is that even if her hubby was on a beckham sized pay I shuld still pay the correct proportion of my own salary for the girls.

This I suppose will free up more of their income so she can stay home and not work?

We arent under csa rules due to the court order.
but that is so old and if I were to be csa assessed I would be looking at paying another few hundred quid a month for the twins.

Surely this cant be fair when she is already set up nicely with second hubby?

Also my new wife spends rather a lot, we have a great life live in a big house have 2 brand new sports cars and go on two or three holidays a year.

Sounds great but I have a huge mortgage,two car loans and currently overspend a few hundred each month that I just havent got.

I have one of those flexi mortgages/bank accounts so my although my finances are down its all fair and square with the bank.

When I retire I will just pay the whole lot off with part of my retirement lump sum, me and my wife think that having fun and spending now is whats important, why save for your old age when you need it now?
Ex thinks the opposite and is already saving like mad to put the twins through University.

She has said if I dont increase the child maintenance she will take me back to court.

Can she do this and what is the likely outcome?

Will I be forced to pay more even though she is ok financially with new husband, or is it like she says I should be paying the correct amount based on my circumstances.

If I go to court I will show the court genuinely that I spend more than I earn EVERY month.

I know a lot is on luxury stuff, but Im still in debt.

She knows this, I showed her my bank statment and credit card statments to try and get her to see my situation and lay off.

She called me irresponsible....something along the lines of not being able to sleep at night.....which shows shes ok for cash.

why should I pay more?

I might as well pay more off my credit cards and get my self out of the debt im in if Im going to pay anyone.

I have a great relationship with the girls, I have them over every week for 24 hours and provide all their meals during this time, so save my wife a bit of money.

I buy them christmas and birthday presents.

Ex never wanted me to buy clothes or more for them, at the time we got divorced she was happy with the money she was getting and paid for everything except the above herself, school trips the lot,

She was on her own for 13 years I never had to dig in my own pockets cos she managed her money just fine, now she is married again, with a new baby and will admit herself that shes ok for money. I feel shes wantng money unfairly

Am I best to give into her unreasonable demands or should I just wait and see if she has the guts to do what she has threatened and take me to court?

If I do end up in court what will happen.

any advice would be really appreciated, this is causing a lot of aggro between me and my new wife.

thanks Derek

Derek,

Forgive me but I am going to be very blunt here.

These are your children, you made them, you have the money. Of course it should be used to benefit them. What your ex wife is asking for is far from unreasonable.If you cannot agree then either the CSA or the courts will compel you to pay a LOT more than you are at present.

You seem to have got away very lightly over the years. If you were paying CSA rates, it would be 20% of net income although there would be some adjustment for the children you have with your new wife.

Your outgoings are not your children's problem - and if you are overspending on luxury items rather than supporting them then you will just have to cut down I am afraid. Your new wife was aware you had children when you married. Your ex's new husband is not obliged to pay for your children especially when you have the means to do so.

If you really feel the amount you may have to pay is surplus to needs then your option is to discuss and agree a new rate with your ex wife. Perhaps you could talk about whether some or all of the money may be diverted into a savings plan for the children to help fund university for example?

Talk to the CSA to find out what you should be paying .. and start writing cheques. Better that than wasting money on courts and lawyers when all your children could be benefiting from it.

Hadenoughnow

Child maintenance is one of the most important contributions a parent can make towards bringing up children and the first port of call for child maintenance is the natural parent. Because your court order predates March 2003 the CSA has no jurisdiction, but if your ex applies to court for a variation to the order the starting point would be CSA rates.

If you can agree between yourselves the order can be varied 'by consent' which will save a great deal of hassle and expense.

Basically you should be paying and always have paid since you split up 20% of your taxable income each month irrespective of how much your ex or her partner earn. How much you already spend or what kind of lifestyle both familes enjoy means nothing.

The only thing the CSA would look at is how much taxable income you have and it would apply until the children finish education.

I think I can say from experience that if I pay £325 on £30k with contact you're looking at twice that on your salary so slightly more than a couple of hundred quid.

Fact of the matter is that the children are 50% your makeup and 50% your ex's and you both get to contribute equally not one party have more responsibility or palm it off on to some one else.

Sorry but those are the facts of life.

T

Sorry for being blunt but why does a mother not have equal repsonsibilty for paying for kids, why is it only dads that have to cough up money.

dereknjan wrote:

Hi,


Her argument is that even if her hubby was on a beckham sized pay I shuld still pay the correct proportion of my own salary for the girls.

Ex never wanted me to buy clothes or more for them, at the time we got divorced she was happy with the money she was getting and paid for everything except the above herself, school trips the lot,

She was on her own for 13 years I never had to dig in my own pockets cos she managed her money just fine,

any advice would be really appreciated, this is causing a lot of aggro between me and my new wife.

thanks Derek

In your own words Derek....

you haven't been equally responsible for your kids and she has had to cough up the money...

Trevor53 wrote:

Sorry for being blunt but why does a mother not have equal repsonsibilty for paying for kids, why is it only dads that have to cough up money.

Trevor why are you assuming that she hasn't? After 15 years do you not think the mother has contributed above and beyond the 50%?

I am completely with you in that both parents should cough up for their children however this would appear to be a father who doesn't see why he should and feels that a few holidays a year and nice cars and keeping as much of of £60k a year for himself and his second family is more important than the twins he was quite happy to make and leave at three months of age.

No doubt his pension fund is to pay his debts off and he lives in the red on the grounds that he can pay them off later and life is for living but one of those debts is for his children and I'm pretty sure they won't be factered into that money when it's paid.

Whilst his first wife has saved for the childrens university education and paid over and above anything the children have needed for the past 15 years he has by his own admission concentrated on luxuries for himself. He has even complained that he didn't see why his child maintenance should go up when he received his annual rise as his ex had already got one. Yes her second husband has said he's happy to support her and by default all the children but that in no way means he's agreed to foot the bill for both parents and neither should he. He should only be footing the bill for 50% max. If you don't think that two 15 year old teenage girls cost far more than "I would be looking at paying another few hundred quid a month for the twins" to feed, cloth, pocket money, trips, make-up, travel, school,toiletries then you're living in a dream world.

There were no contact issues by his own admission.

"First wife was always great about letting the kids see me, so no cntact issues.

Every now and again she would ask for an increase of child maintenance (basically every time I got promoted or got a payrise...we worked for the same company so both of us got the annual rise, so why did she want my rise as well?)"

"We arent under csa rules due to the court order.

but that is so old and if I were to be csa assessed I would be looking at paying another few hundred quid a month for the twins.

Surely this cant be fair when she is already set up nicely with second hubby?

Also my new wife spends rather a lot, we have a great life live in a big house have 2 brand new sports cars and go on two or three holidays a year.

Sounds great but I have a huge mortgage,two car loans and currently overspend a few hundred each month that I just havent got.

I have one of those flexi mortgages/bank accounts so my although my finances are down its all fair and square with the bank.

When I retire I will just pay the whole lot off with part of my retirement lump sum, me and my wife think that having fun and spending now is whats important, why save for your old age when you need it now?

Ex thinks the opposite and is already saving like mad to put the twins through University."

Priority payments in life are children, mortgage/rent, council tax, gas, electric, water, insurance, food everything else can be cut back especially two or three expensive holidays and two luxury sports cars.

T