have the money but dont want it to go to kids

Have you read the five stages of grief that used to be in the library here?

It's an article based on the emotions a person goes through after a major loss such as a death or divorce. It is very true and people go through each one in order but at different speeds. The ones that do need special help (in my opinion) are those that get stuck somewhere along the way and don't move. Sometimes it can take years sometimes weeks but the emotional cycle is still gone through for most.

T

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

Each party goes through at their own pace. Some weeks others years.

It's taken me two years and i think i've finally reached acceptance. Mainly due to my balanced and patient friends and parents and of course my children. My ex however is only at depression despite her two year partner. There is no wrong or right way or amount of time to take.

With regard to new partners again it's each to their own. Some need a rebound party to still feel attractive to the opposite sex and others feel it would be unfair and want to come to terms with themselves and feel confident about themselves before begining a new relationship.

I've had a couple of dates this year but thats been it as at this point i doubt i'll ever trust anyone enough to live with them again. But as time is a great healer who knows if i'll still think that if the right person comes along. Plus my children come first and they've been through enough.

With regards to the original poster i wouldn't worry too much as the general feeling seems to be it was started as a discussion piece for a highly emotive subject rather than a genuine query. It bore a particular likeness to another thread started at the same time but from the opposite angle strangely enough.

T

Hi

Yes, I think it must be more difficult for your daughter as she would like more children.

I have 3 daughters and I stayed in a very unhappy marriage because I thought it was the right thing for them.

I am 49 and have been divorced for two years now, although split three years.

Soon after my divorce I had a couple of dates, but I really wasn't interested or ready in any "proper" relationship with the opposite sex.

My girls are 19, 16 and 14 and are at the stage in their lives where they are great fun, into music big time, boys(!) and whilst the oldest is now at University, she tends to come home every couple of weeks.

So, I have a very happy household and shopping, music, dancing (my youngest goes to a dance class and shows me how to street dance etc!. Although now, I am well over my divorce and the way I lived my life, I am happy with my lot and I think it would take an incredibly special man for me to want to include him in my life.

I don't think with me anymore its anything to do with trust issues, etc. just to do with where I am in my life.

However, if I had left my ex when I was in my 30s when I just had the one daughter (I should have left him then as he had given me an STI) I would be like your daughter and wanting and hoping that I could meet and fall in love and add to my family.

Your daughter sounds a wonderful woman and you a wonderful and supportive mum. I truly believe in fate and I think if your daughter is meant to meet someone else, she will do.

Jo x

I have just caught up with this post, and want to add my two penn'orth.

Firstly, I dont know if Derek is real or a wind up, but he is certainly selfish. As other posters have said, the twins are half his, but he prefers to have luxury holidays and sports cars to pay for them...WRONG! Why do some men not want to pay for their children?? My ex gives me £5 a week thru the CSA, but recently got a pension lump sum of approx £35000 which he used to pay off debts, buy golf clubs, exercise machine etc. He didnt give me ONE PENNYof this lump sum for our 2 boys, saying he 'had to look after himself'. Charming.

Yes, there are women out there who milk the system as well, but I do only have a part time job and am VERY grateful for the tax credits I get as I couldnt keep a roof over my childrens head otherwise.

The judge at our recent first Directions hearing for our finances tore my ex off a strip when he asked if he would get anything from the house when our youngest child was 18 and he could ask for the house to be sold. She said, "who do you think will have been paying for it all these years and providing for the children?? Your ex wife!"

I just wish that couples could see that the MOST important thing is the welfare of the children. My ex thinks he's getting back at me by not paying more. In fact he is hurting our sons who have to sit in a cold house because I cant get the heating fixed, and who get told 'sorry darling no' when they want treats from the supermarket. I hope he's happy.

I dont know about the guilt. The other thing he likes to do is wait until the kids have asked me for something, toy, game etc, and I cant buy it, then he takes them into town and treats them to it so he is lovely Daddy.
Makes my blood boil.

I hope so, I think they know that already. Thanks for kind words x

She said, "who do you think will have been paying for it all these years and providing for the children?? Your ex wife!"

Aha, a female judge. Funny when the positions are reversed the mother still gets the bulk of everything.