Hi Wiki's this was a blog last week but was/is very relevant to this post re: school meeting.
Incidentally to add, the children have now been told by my stbx with me present. Can update on what was said with pm if anyone would like to know, or I may post. Just being cautious.
Well you would like to think that nearly 2years on, still not divorced due to finnancial wars, but there would be some respite, some peace.... but no it still like a raging war. And I am tired oh so very tired. emotionally I am drained. I feel a bit like groundhog day.
This time last year, my dad was very ill and I had a lot of stress from that, also a very coomplicated
form E to complete and to analyse (his being the size of a telephone directory, no joke).
Now, one year one, my dad has become ill again, I am still trying to do the best for my 3 young children. One of my children is having a lot of emotional problems, is it no surprise, these have festered and now come out in the midst of the "the war". I am working part time and also trying to find more work and have the next part of FDR looming., trying to assist eldest with an impoirtant exam and also look at senior schools.
stbx has/is now totally on the war path. He has got into my bones, my head ( I hate to say), his vile bullying, lying and controlling way has really made me reach bottom again. I have spent a lot of the last week in tears, pulling myselkf togother for the sake of my job etc. But I can feel that I feel low. I just want to go to bed and hide, dissappear, run away. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. I know some of you Wiki's have had longer, but for me 2 years of fighting has completely drained me. Don't get me wrong there have been good times, especially more so in the last year, when I have re gained a lot of my confidence, dated,, passed exams, holidayed. But right now at this moement in time, I am physically and emotionally drained.
Probably becuase my eldest is having so many emotional problems and home is like a war zone too. He is sooooo angry. He has tole me he blames me for his dad not being here. He has also told a third party that he feels able to express his feelings and vent his anger to me but wants to keep dad happy. Ameeting was held (some of you may have read my forum posts). Alot was discovered, not all aimed at dad or me. Eldest said his biggest problem was mum and dad split, then the reason why (which he still doesn't know). stbx then replied to this ... well if he's going to know the reason hw has to know the real reason of what happened 2 years prior!!!!!! stbx had an affair lasting 6 months, whilst continuing reltionships with me, and also giving the facade that everyhting was happy to me, other people and mainly thr children. He also had an affair some 13 years prior to this and called off out original wedding in the process, this lasted nearly a year, with the same lady.
Apparantely stbx had told me 2 years before that he was unhappy (once), no suggestion of councelling, no repeat conversations, no stopping of intimicay. Oh dear dear I must have missed something obvious.!!! When stbx said this in the meeting re: what to tell the children, it just confirmed to me that he is in complete denial of what he has done. Blaming me for the fact that he had an affair. He will not accept and hsn't done any part of the blame and does not want to look in the wrong to the children or anyone else. He has spent the last 2 years, bad mouthing me to anyone who will listen. some get taken in by him, some can see through him. He has tried and tried to destroy me in so many ways as some of you may know from reading blogs or forums.
Now this is affecting the children, more than it was before. I initiated a meeting re: eldest, dues to the fact I was concerned about his emotional state. Lotsa has happened over the summer (see forum posts).
Have now received a letter from stbx sol, immediately afetr meeting at school saying that he was concerned for eldest and that eldest had serious issues with me and that if the relationship between my eldest and I did not improve he would be taking matters further!!!! HOW DARE HE.... It was I that started the meetings due to my concern. It was I that didn't kick him out when I was informed of affair, to protect the children. It was I that all along have done everything I can to protect the children from the truth, involve their dad in everything. He says that son and I have serious iossues (no mention of him in any of this) Can't wait for the minutes to reveal the whole truth.
It iis him that has, threatned to arrest me, took me to court for defined access (which has always remained constant) and then cut money per month, cut my phone, threatned me with SOL letters (inicidentally his cost are 21,000 and mine 5,000), never been thankful, only asbusive and argumentative over every mail)
To now threaten that he will take matters further if the relationship between my son and I!!!!!! I have requested the minutes of this meeting as yet again he seems to have twisted the truth to try and make me look bad. I have so many e.mails where this is evident and apparent too. Is there an actual name for this copulsive lying and for reading/hearing one thing and then twisting it to say something completely different? I'm sure it must be an actual illness. He has tried to implyy that I am insane a few times.... pot and kettle springs to mind. He accuses me of not saying or doing things and I simply re-send on e.mails wher it clearly states to the contrary. Oh, but of course no apology, no I beg your pardon.
He was inetent on trying to bad mouth me in the meeting re: eldest (i don't think, I hope it didn't wash). But he is oh so convincing, so manipulative. He seems to win at all the evil games he is playing. He is screwing me finnancially, self employed and getting away with it). He lies to the children and has even resorted into telling them about our court cases etc.... how sick and how damaging. I could go on and on, there is so much to tell. A lot of my friends say they have never known anyone like it before.
Things is, I am feeling drained, tearful, tired. I know I have to keep strong for the children. I know a lot of my friends probably think oh, how can it still be going on and feel as bad 2 years later. But when you have someone intent on destroying you... well, there is the answer., Why can't he just leave me alone and draw a line under this. He has a GF , has had for 18 months.
My whole parenting technique has been blown apart. I have always tried to make time for my children, don't plonk infront of t.v,computer etc. We always chat at dinner time and individually at bedtime. I play with them. help them with homework etc. But it would appear this is not enough. It seems like they are playing one off against the other. But I am getting all the anger and frustration and criticism.
I just feel so low and am struggling. I feel weak and fragile and also so very full of anger and hate again. I have never encountered such a pathetic excuse of a man, so intent on destroying me. And yet it was he who had affair. Everyone says oh be strong you'll bounce back. But I am tired, my brain is fried and I am emotionally exhausted.
Survive
x
