Need some advice because I think I am going mad

florri, there IS a future - YOUR future.

It just probably won't include him. From what you say, no great loss! Later on when the dust settles you will look back and breathe a sigh of relief. You don't need to be with someone who treats you so badly! He is a selfish git, having it all his way, or so it appears. Anyone who holds an absolute over the others' head has no intention of building a decent life together!!!

YOU are worth more than this - remember that!!

Get the nisi and apply for the absolute as soon as you can, and be shot of him. BUT sort out the finances before signing the absolute and get a solicitor or at least some legal advice, to protect yourself and know your rights.

Read the info on this site - knowledge is power, and it appears you need to inject a bit of power back into your life.

When it gets hard and you feel lonely, ask yourself this: why would you want to 'settle' for someone who would treat you with such utter disrespect??!! There are others out there that would appreciate you, but you need to appreciate and value yourself first. Being a doormat for this selfish git is just a long path to setting yourself up for abuse, emotional or otherwise.

You are a human being, and worth being treated with dignity and respect. Remember that and paste it on your forehead if you have to!

Some say we teach others how to treat us - teach him (and everyone else for that matter) to treat you with respect.

Hugs -
GTU

it's the waiting that get's to you
and the lying
both you could to without

Hi Florri

If you want to work at your relationship after everything he's put you through then that's your decision and good for you - it can often be much harder to work at a relationship than it is to walk away. You must really love your husband - I hope he knows and appreciates that, although I do think you need to remind him just how lucky he is!

I hope it turns out that it was all worth it, and I sincerely hope that you get your happy ending.

Good luck, and keep us updated...

xx

Florri

You are not powerless. Stop giving this man everything he wants. Get a free halfhour consultation with a solicitor to go over the financial offer. You may end up regretting it later if you don't.

This site is littered with women who gave in and did everything their husbands asked for to save their marriages. It doesn't work.

I went to a social event to meet some peeps on this site and some new lady said she wasn't sure she would know which group was ours - and another lady said we should all have "Doormat" written on our foreheads.

Love is about respect, not letting someone walk all over you in the hope they might show some gratitude.

You deserve better - and the future is in your hands.

As always Nell, well said!
xxx

Yes Nell, well said.

I stayed in a marriage way too long. I caught an STI within the first year of marriage, shortly after giving birth and my husband said that he had had sex once with a "scratter", but all men cheat when their wives have a baby! You know what, I flipping believed him!

I should have had doormat pasted on my forehead. The years go by so fast and, although I divorced him after 18 plus years, I should have taken the bull by the horns following receipt of the STI!

You seem a young person. I was 30 when I caught an STI, if I had left my husband then things could have been so different. Please think about what your husband is doing and how he is making you feel. Do you want to feel like this forever - never trusting him etc.? You are worth more!

Jo x

Thank you x

It is nice to be able to talk to someone about all this and I am listening to what you are all saying. I did get legal advice - as to the finances the sol said I should as for another 15k but I knew that he would never give me that and that it would end up in court. I couldn't afford that and settled on an agreement with my husband (according to his sol it was much more than i'd get in court anyway??) That is now done and a Consent Order is on its way. The nisi has been applied for. This is what he insits on for a way forward. I can see his agrument for it - this is out of the way and we dont have to discuss it anymore. It is very stressful. If it's for him to get his own way, then I'll be rid won't I. I think this is the only way forward.

Interesting that you think I am young - indeed 30 but didn't think of myself as that way. (body cloc ticking and worrying about children etc) He is 38. I do love him very much and I'm sure he knows that - i don't think he appreciates it as he obviously feels that he can and will love someone else. That doesn't scare him but it scares me. I don't meet men and not sure where I will.

Thans for your help and advice and I'll keep you posted. xx