Need some advice because I think I am going mad

In my honest (and blunt again I'm afraid! ) opinion, this selfish man is leading you on, making you think the marriage that he broke up in the first place by having an affair still has a chance in order for him to badger you into agreeing finances as much in his favour as possible.

Then, as soon as the cash is sorted (and I'm just trying to be honest here) I'd bet good money on the absolute coming through and your ex getting on with the new life he has created for himself. Meanwhile, you'll still be miserable, with the rug well and truly pulled from under your feet, with no friends and no family near you and I'm betting with considerably less to your name thanks to your ex forcing you into a corner with your finances.

I'd stop, take control right now, and tell him to do it properly through the courts. You also need to stop the dates and social visits - by all means stay friendly, but no more dates. If you're divorcing, divorce. If you're staying together, don't divorce. It's one or the other hun. But don't let him take you for a ride by promising that he'll see "how you get on" once the Decree Nisi is through. It's the only way to protect your interests, and your poor battered heart and head.

xx

Hi again

Having read your responses - this man wants his cake and eat it. He wants to have you working to keep him as it flatters his ego and he wants to get rid of any financial responsibility or legal ties.

I'd press ahead with divorce - don't settle for what he wants to offer - and move on with your life. Value yourself and you will find a man to value you too.

Thank you guys - You have really helped me. You know I know that he is taking me for a ride but my love for him (and I really don't think I will feel this way about anyone again) that I frel I have to all I can to save the marriage. He has told me that he wants the nisi and finances and take it from there. I can see that that means a smooth divorce and him not trying.

I think I will just accept the finances as they are as I will only get slightly more anyway (I think) he says he is giving more than enough. I also see the cake and eat it part but what is hard for me when there is a glimmer of hope to not do what he wants. I would give anything to put it right.

I don't want to be miserable and I'm not seeing much way out of it - I just see a divorce with me on my own, childless (i'm not getting any younger) remembering a man I love who doesn't want me. I hope this makes sense as I'm not strong enough to walk away.

Florri if you know you're being taken for a ride, find the strength to walk away. I can tell you now, you will love again and when you meet someone who loves you back, how you'll be glad you walked away from this selfish bullish man - who incidently, doesn't love you at all. He can't treat you like he does and love you. As for being childless, I'm sorry, but children NEVER make a failing relationship better. If you stick around, it might be you bringing up a baby on your own, as he continues to enjoy his life. Think long and hard. But stop NOT believing in yourself. That's what he wants!

move on asap:dry:
if you need to write him a letter explaining how you feel:( and what you want

maybe even send it to him

aim for closure
either way (regd letter)

however he like my ex is making zero effort to take responsiblity or reconcile

it's never 100% one person's fault:ohmy:

he seems to be a complete dweeb

so move on;)

I wanted a divorce badly - my ex didn't. So what I did was be really nice to him and said that after the nisi and Consent Order filed etc etc. we could perhaps have a future together.

I WAS LYING!!! I just wanted a divorce as quickly as possible.

Jo x

Guys, thanks for your advice.

Juding by your reponses it seems there is no future. Thanks you for your honesty. I can't believe that someone would lie about trying again just to get a smooth ride. I'm having difficulty believing that but appears that it can happen. I suppose that I am powerless in this situation and have to let fate take its course. I am being sent the paperwork and will sign and conclude on divorce and finances and just see what happens from there. I hope and pray that this will be the end of things and we can have a future together. I feel very sorry for my part in it all and wish that i could do things differently.

I feel quite powerless to do anything else and am tired. I hope he will give it a go as I don't see much of a future on my own. Thanks for you help.