still hurting after 2 years

Janeyg,

My OH was exactly the same, he started to question whether he could have "better" and met someone who made him think that he could. That relationship has now ended, but he is still in full mid-life crisis mode and thinking only of "finding" himself. He has changed so much and is no longer the man I loved and married. Now we are in the process of separating, albeit by mutual agreement.

I am very sad, but think it is probably for the best.

janeyg, I have learned that independence is not a bad thing. Of course I don't regret my children, but do regret the fact that a large part of my life has been spent putting a lot of energy, time and love towards someone who, in hindsight, certainly didn't deserve it and something that, again, in hindsight, was not worth the effort.

Ya live, Ya learn!

I really feel that wiki has played a big part of my being able to learn how to cope with my feelings though. Just being able to rant and have feedback in a supportive atmosphere where people really understand is a big help. The feelings have to go somewhere, and getting them out in a somewhat constructive way has been really valuable to me. Also the legal information. So helpful!!!

Second that.

Isn't amazing how many people have gone through exactly the same thing, do wonder if it is a more common thing for men to do - have seen comments suggesting that both husbands and wives do this but does seem more prevalent amongst men - or is that just me?

Janey

I always thought it was more common with men too but remember, they are cheating with another woman, so perhaps not?

I'd be curious to know the statistics of how many of these affairs actually last, especially when both are cheating.

That said, it's mattering to me less and less what he does or they do. Can't say it doesn't matter at all yet, but indifference is creeping in and starting to take over, and I'm really happy about that.

That's when you know you are getting over it. I too couldn't care less what he gets up to (except in as much as how it affects kids), just curious.

Janey

Hurrah for us

Hi Everyone

Ditto, ditto and ditto. I honestly wish they could all read our stories. They may/or may not realise that they arent unique, they are just the same as everyone else who decide that the grass is greener. The lies, the cliches, the cruelty, nastiness the changing the past to suit their needs. They have to justify their behaviour hence the "I havent been happy for years" "Ive been living a lie"

GTU I agree. I would so love to know how many of these relationships last. You know the ones that arent happening but we know they are.

Im now just over a year down the line. I have come so far, I know I am stronger than I was before. I think probably a lot stronger than he is. I had an email a couple of weeks ago. (After a year of very little communication) where he said "Im a t----r and I miss you". I didnt reply, it just stunned me. Whether he means it or not I dont know but I cant trust him. I cant think of a way to describe it (pity, feel sorry, guilty maybe) but over the last two weeks I just feel as though I am so much better off than he is. Not monetary but emotionally, I have my two brilliant children and we are a team, a family. We rub along nicely and support each other. I do wonder who supports him sometimes, only wonder. Not so long ago it would eat me up, not now.

"That's when you know you are getting over it. I too couldn't care less what he gets up to"

So true Janey....

So yes GTU Hurrah for us;)

xx