still hurting after 2 years

So many of us and so much pain.
Just remember ITS NOT YOUR FAULT
It is their fault - after a year I am totally convinced of that, yet we are the ones left hurt and sad and they have become this strange person - they are nothing like the men we loved.
Surely we would not want to be with the type of people they have become.
Yet we have to suffer alone and bring up children as wel as get on with our lives.
My cheating husband had a high standing job in the community - yet it didn't stop him and now I am fighting as he tries to take as much money from me and pension.
i have worked all my life and supported him yet he wants whatever he can take, even though its my home.
I have been told that men have the ability to lock these things away in their heads and it only comes out to haunt them when something goes wrong with their new relationship.
I have seen enough situations and spoken to enough people to know that these affair relationships never last- they will go wrong and by then I will have become a stronger person and moved on, but the damage will have been done to the children.
In my case the OW clearly never intended to leave her family, she wanted excitment but not change, she has even threatened me and the children cos we have damaged her family - er how??? she was the cheat.
Im struggling and hurting but like others on here I will somehow make it through. Aftyer all I have found new friends and relies on old ones, those who cheat can never hold their heads up high like us.
Incidentally I saw once that 70 per cent of affair relationships fail.
Take care hurtandsad and most of all keep going
GFx

goingforward wrote:

Incidentally I saw once that 70 per cent of affair relationships fail.

I hope that's true.

As for the other 30%, I'll give the benefit of doubt here and surmise that those were for extenuating circumstances.

I am feeling more indifferent each day, but there is still a part of me that hopes x's relationship hits a rather hard brick wall, blows up and ends in tears. I doubt that will change completely but perhaps it will lessen more and more with time. Still, it would be rather satisfying!

it's not just men that can lock things away in their head

a proportion of humanity is so screwed up they live a lie and then start to believe their own hype

self-affirmation gets them there
and keeps them there

An interesting article on infidelity:

www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199305/...ife-after-infidelity

Food for thought, or a bit of clarity anyway.

Interesting article GTU.
I also hope for 'karma'.
I think that will be the point of final recovery for me!!!
I am surprised the relationship has lasted this long, it started so badly.
Neither got the chance to choose to be together, I found a love letter and asked him to leave. Six weeks later I found out who she was and phoned her husband and she was asked to leave.
He has sacrificed everything that was important to him for 19 years. Not only did they both lie and cheat but they will never know if they would have left their partners for each other!
Somuch pain caused to me and the kids, I would never have believed he was capable of it. I dont think you ever really know anyone.

GTU

Thank you for the article

Hurtandsad

I live each day as it comes, the problem is that I still love my stbx, we had endured and enjoyed so much in our lives, even now she admits to me that she still feels sad for the loss of the marriage and family unit, and I don't get any joy from hearing that from her, as I still love and care for her, from now until the end of my days, but that is my experience.

For you, there is so much for you out there, the future is building around you and life will get better for you. It takes just one positive moment and things seem to fall into place and these positive moments will happen for you. Stay strong and just hang in there.

Take care of yourself

Pheonix

Hurts

I also hope for 'karma'.
I think that will be the point of final recovery for me!!!
He has sacrificed everything that was important to him for 19 years.
Somuch pain caused to me and the kids, I would never have believed he was capable of it. I dont think you ever really know anyone.

That could have been written by me. What is it about the 19/20 year point?

XX