Struggling to carry on (long post)

Michael

I have read your post and you have accepted so much of the responsibility in all of this and everyone has given you so much good advice and words of support.

The thing that really struck me having read marshy's post that when we marriage we vow to take the good with the bad... it is sad that at your lowest point in your life you did not have the support of the women you loved beyond belief.

yes you kept things from her but that was I think down to your sense of shame and lets face it panic at being caught out and having to deal with the financial consequences...

my friend's ex accured a lot of debt without here knowing and she forgave him as she understood that he was in a bad place and she used inheritance to bail them both out.. that's what marriage is about helping each other through the bad times. They went on with their marriage and he did it again.. this time she felt personally betrayed and felt could do no more to save their marriage but I think that is understandable..

life is really hard but we have to take it all in whether we like it or not... i get the impression she enjoyed spending the money and so should have been there to support you...

glad you are spending time as a family again and I really hope it works out for you...

Michael W wrote:

Marshy_ ta for the reply - I'm sure there are women (and men) out there who fall into the area of "So often unfortunately when money goes out the window love walks out the door" I'm glad I didn't marry one!! It's a trust issue, I should have spoken to her about it long before it became a problem. I agree with your two points (apart from the "turning her back on me" - if she was going to do that she would have done it straight away) which is why I refuse to simply give in, however trust is a very big thing and when you trust someone with your life and they let you down it is hard to see your way back from that.

Lucretia - nobody can say/type anything that will even touch how badly I feel about this. I let the woman i love, my soul mate down and I have to try and rebuild that, it may well be to late but by god I'm gonna try.

You are a lovely guy..... you have my full respect and admiration.
Good luck -I think you will be okay. She is hurting but it sounds like you two are meant to be together. xxxx

alchemist - I guess none of us can predict how we will react to a given situation, I would like to think that if the roles were reversed that I would have been able to rebuild together. I certainly thought that our marriage was strong enough to survive most things, I hope more than anything that this is the case but I guess only time will tell.

Lucretia - Thanks means a lot, I hope it is the case but sometimes it feels as if she's doing what she feels people expect. It's weird but one comment she made was "a lot of my friends are surprised I'm still here", didn't really think about it at the time as I was so low. May be it's just me but I would have never made that comment to a friend that was going through this. Sure offer support but all I would say is that they have to follow their heart. Again may be it's just me.

alchemist - I was thinking about the whole support thing while I was trying (and failing) to get to sleep lastnight. She did support me but I think because I had no one else to help with that support it took alot out of her. This with the added stress of suddenly being in control of everything and I guess not having me there to support her, although I did try but looking back over several months my mental state was such a mess most of the time that I was blind to alot of things. So I guess it was taking to much out of her which put us on our current path.

Not having a good start to the day, woke up at 7am after dreaming about her and cried myself back to sleep. Stuggling this morning to keep the tears back.

Wow a 5 page first thread, maybe I should start posting my daily ramblings in a new thread.

started using the blog feature to off load my daily emotional rollercoaster, thanks for all the great support. Wish I'd started posting much sooner as I lurked around this site for about a month before I got brave enough to post.

Michael W wrote:

alchemist - I was thinking about the whole support thing while I was trying (and failing) to get to sleep lastnight. She did support me but I think because I had no one else to help with that support it took alot out of her. This with the added stress of suddenly being in control of everything and I guess not having me there to support her, although I did try but looking back over several months my mental state was such a mess most of the time that I was blind to alot of things. So I guess it was taking to much out of her which put us on our current path.

Not having a good start to the day, woke up at 7am after dreaming about her and cried myself back to sleep. Stuggling this morning to keep the tears back.

Wow a 5 page first thread, maybe I should start posting my daily ramblings in a new thread.

Micheal - you are very perceptive - far more than people on here who are so keen to blame your wife for not supporting you.
Sadly sometimes when you are the one supporting a partner through mental crisis you just literally run out of giving. That seems to have happened to your wife.
I really really hope she gets her strength back and decides that this is a marriage worth saving.

I did imply originally that I had no sympathy for you. That was a little harsh. You have shown yourself to be remorseful and perceptive and sensitive to what you put her through.

Good luck always.

thank you for the kind words