where do i start?

thanks again, he said he is taking the kids out tomorrow but will wait till i finish work so that we can all go out together? I think you are right he should leave and only come back if he wants to.

Yes he wants you to go out with the children so you can do the womanly things of keeping the conversation going and smoothing things over and saving him from having to make conversation or see what life is going to be like if/when he goes.

Ask him outright if he is having an affair. Limbo is a horrible state to be in and thats what you are in now.

It will be extremely painful to know the truth, but you have to know it one day and the sooner the better so you can get on with your life.

Jo x

I agree with Jo, at least that way you know what you are dealing with.

That is, if he admits to one...if he doesn't, do you believe him??

When I first started to suspect my stbx, I asked him what was going on...not about an affair, but just 'what is going on with you?' He couldn't answer, all he could say was that he was 'confused' and 'pressured' and 'some things have changed' and 'need to think'. So, I bided my time...finding the proof wasn't the easiest or most pleasant thing in the world, but I'd actually confronted him one more time before I'd found out and got the same old song and dance.

It wasn't until I could actually give him the OW's name that he admitted to being involved with her...

Some people won't admit to affairs unless you can lay the proof down in front of them.

I found my ex was having an affair after reading texts on her phone. That evening I asked her straight 'Are you having an affair?' Bold as brass she said something like 'Of course not, how dare you think that!' It was only when I told her that I had read the messages that she admitted it, and then she tried to attack me for reading the messages!

I would try to avoid asking about an affair without proof.

Affairs change spouses. Affairs are part of mid life crises change spouses terribly.

My ex was shagging about for the first ten years of our marriage. Okay, I was naive, he used to phone me saying he was working late, I believed him. He didn't want much sex, I thought he was tired, lots of phone calls without anyone being on the other end, I thought they were wrong numbers.

I even caught an STI and suffered for months believing it was bubble bath, the birth of our daughter and even when I ended up on a drip in hospital and tests were taken it was difficult for me to believe he had cheated. When I asked him, (docs told me to) he denied he had done anything. I was stitched up from one end to the other after the birth of our daughter (twins but we lost one), so even if I had had the urge (pleaseeeeee after that labour) it would have been impossible.

That wonderful man of mine allowed me to be so so poorly and even though I was dosed up with intraveneous antibiotics in hospital he still didnt admit cheating and I didn't flipping doubt him!!!!!!!!!!1

It was only a few days later when I picked up his jacket from the floor and a receipt for interflora flowers dropped out did light dawn on marble head!!!!!!!!!!11111

He then only admitted this woman when I said to him (whilst holding a piece of wood with a nail stuck in it above his head)that I would forgive him if he told the truth.

He told me it was a "one off", that alot of men do it when their wives were pregnant and that this girl in a garage had "jumped him"! And you know what, I believed him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

So I stayed in the marriage for a further 17 years and it was only 3 years ago when he confessed to having shagged many others that I divorced him, even though he wanted to the marriage to continue. His shagging days were well over he said and he wanted a fresh start!

I suppose what I am trying to say is that I am not a doubting person, I trust everybody naturally and unless and until I had hard evidence would I believe otherwise.

So if I had not seen a flower receipt or head the confession from my ex, I would be none the wiser.

Jo x