where do i start?

thank you all once again for listening.

I dont know if i am in shock, denial, whatever, but I just simply cannot believe it is over. I think we do have a future, and there is more reasons to stay than go. He is sending me mixed messages, everything is amicable, this is the strangest situation ever and even his family, are all saying the same thing. I have asked him again today to make his decision, he says i am pushing him into this, but I just need to know one way or the other. You have all probably heard this before and in a couple of weeks or months, I will be thinking the same, but at the moment however sad or desperate I seem I am still clinging on to a piece of hope that our marriage will work x

I did the same for many months but it was useless. However, I do have a friend who's husband left for someone else and went back after two weeks and they have been fine since then. He said it was a mid life crisis!!! Everyone here will support you either way, take care:)

And even though there are those of us here who did the same thing, doesn't mean it's not worth a try - after all, you took your marriage vows seriously and you can see the good things that were in your marriage.

I sometimes think, in the end, I pushed my stbx too hard to make a decision. But you know what?? If he had to work that hard to make a decision, that in itself IS a decision! In the end, I don't want to be with a man who has to think twice as to WHO he wants to be with. It has to be me all the way. so, I may have pushed him into making the decision but it was only because I was afraid to make it myself...

You are probably in shock and denial, as you said - and are numb too - I'm still numb some days. It's your brain's defense mechanism, I'm sure. You can only process so much crap at a time.

Hang in there - it's a difficult think to get your head around, but you will...x

Sorry to read your story.

I hope that you can both work it out if it is the right way forwards for you both, as all here will tell you the other route seems just to be a long drawn out mess.

I have been accused by my wife of demanding an answer. So currently I am leaving her to make up her mind!

I wish you well and this is a great place to express yourself.

thank you, will have to take one day at a time. we are getting on well and everything seems really normal in a strange way, but just this what he has said has changed everything. i really am doubting everything. this morning he said he needs to change his life and we have to try again at our marriage??? but i am not convinced, why is this?

Well if he really does want to work at it get on the phone to Relate. There is normally a waiting list, so do it quick. There are things you two need to work through. Relate can help if you want to make it work, they can help you realise it's over, they can help you separate in the best way for the kids. Getting them involved is win-win in my book. I just feel so supported as well - it's not all on me any more.

My husband said to me that he loved me, but he just didn't think he loved me enough to remain married. Then he said he didn't love me any more. Then he said he realised how wrong he was and that he did love me. I have learned to look not at what he says, but at how he behaves - he behaves as if he can't stand me.

Truth will out.