Accepting Its Over

It's so difficult to do the right thing isn't it! I don't agree that you should tell you you love her. I am sure you have done this a million times in the last few weeks. This will feel like pressure to her in my opinion. Stepping back is what I feel is right. I am sorry the advice can be conflicting for you! It seems to me though that telling her you love her is something you've already done a lot? If so, it probably didn't help?

Andy

Yeah Andy

I agree it is difficult to know what right thing to do is.

I was just coming from having been on the other side of this situation and really feeling I needed space and no pressure. But at same time it would have been good to hear I still love u but because of that I will try to accept whatever u need.Sounds totally selfish like that but what I was going thru felt one-sided and I needed a completely unselfish gesture from them.Begging and pleading etc can still be selfpitying, whereas I suppose there is truth in the phrase if u really love someone set them free, they might just come back.

Just another side of the coin really and I do understand yours too!Maybe its to do with this Mars and Venus thing!

Anyway Carton, we'll all give our suggestions and hope its helpful.

Scared x

Thanks for your post scared. But it absolutely reinforces my advice to NOT say I love you.

The bulk of the hurt is with the one who has been left and giving her support by saying 'I love you' or any type of support will not help YOU. It may help her in the short term but right now it is your well being that counts. No, keep your distance and give the impression you can move on...even if you can't at the moment. Think of it it as trial run at REALLY moving on. I'll stop posting now as I suppose my position is pretty clear and you need to hear different points of view.

Andy

Andy,

I totally agree with you on this one. These three words will not fix the relationship. In many cases, you cant fix the other person they have to fix themselves. I do believe that the other person would already be aware that they are abusing the love of the other person (if that makes sense).

But I wouldn’t trial run or say anything, because it could backfire. Make sure you are ready, be clear what you want.

stu

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Told her i was scared this morning and she told me that i need to get a grip. I went to the doctors and he gave me tablets and telephone numbers for relate and an independent counsellor. She gave me a hug and i kissed her when she left to take kids to a party today.

I think last night i started to accept its over and still feel same today. Its just the memories and feeling of loss that hurt so much. She was getting ready to go out this morning and when ready looked so beautiful and her perfume is still lingering in the house now. Maybe i do need to go away for a while but it will be so hard not to see the girls.

I need to keep busy as i am wallowing in self pity to be honest. I'm trying to give my friends some space too, they had me with them Thursday, Friday & Saturday so i feel i need to give them some space from my problems.

I wont ask her again and will stop telling her i love her, big words at the moment i know but i will do my best with that.

Thanks again for the advice given. Much appreciated and it is helping.

Carton and Buxton (andy)

Just a quickie.Had some time to think bout the three little words bit in my earlier post and think I coming from totally different place to u there.Sorry, she obviously already knows that and agree u need to get on with helping yourself.

So just delete that line from my first post annd my second one probably totally. My ex had been trying to sabotage our relationship for years and u certainly don't sound like u done that at all.

Many apologies to u and Buxton(Andy) that got caught up in my rant.
Scared x x

feeling really low right now, really low. i dont know what i'm going to do to get this right in my head.

it hurts so much.

she's not wearing her wedding or engagement rings today, i checked and that hurts like hell.

i've just washed the car inside and out to try and take my mind off things but it didnt really work. I cleaned for her for her trip to the caravan tomorrow.

i need this pain to go away.

i feel like pleadng again, i feel i need to try something for my own and the girls sake, we dont deserve this happenng to us. i know this wont help though so what else is there to do?