Hope things get better

Hi all

My life is in ruins at the minute.

My wife and i separated on and off about 3 months ago and i was hoping whilst on a split things might get back to normal. Since we separated i asked her over and over again if she was or had an affair, the reply was no it was just space she needed. During the 3 month period she kept coming back and saying she will try to make it work. Stop a couple of days then say she needed space which i went along with hoping it might sort things out.

Two nights ago i received a call from a ex friend saying that 4 months ago they had met up a few times for sex. I confronted her and she admitted it happened and loved him.

I am all over the place at the minute, feelings of hurt/anger and at the moment i can't see any future for me. I am submitting the divorce forms on Monday but the problem is that i love her till so much and i told her even though she had an affair we could try to work through it.

Now she says she is so sorry for hurting me, she loves me still but not as much as the other man.

My head is all over the place, i would have preferred to have been told she had nothing for me. Every time i see i hate her but when im not with her she is all i think about.

Submitting the divorce papers make it final and i know its what i must do to move on.

The only good part off it all is that i have 2 children and we have been able to come to an arrangement that the eldest lives with me and youngest with her.

At 40 years old i worry what the future holds for me.

Hi, welcome to Wiki.

Everything is very raw at the moment and you can't possibly see things clearly. I'm in a similar position, still love husband but he loves someone else. I'm a bit further along the healing process and do now see things clearly.

I know that I am better off without a lying cheat, and one day you'll realise this too. You are so lucky that you have come to an amicable arrangement re your children, they are the ones you need to concentrate on at the moment, 1) they need you and 2) it'll help take your mind off your own hurt.

Keep posting and reading other posts, we are all here if you need a shoulder to cry on or need help. We all know how you feel.

Take care

Mad x

Kirk, Hi, sorry to hear how much you are hurting. you aren't alone but that doesn't diminish your pain.
when lying and deceit enters the equation, it's a whole different situation. if people can lie and lie, we can never take another thing they say as being honest. you say you still love your wife, but can you trust her that if you sorted this out, it wouldn't happen again another time? I know that's tough and not what you want to hear, but with the passage of time you will know it's right.
im aching with the hurt I've been dealt and know that only time will help. and don't worry that you are 40, prime of life, though I suppose it doesn't feel it. i am 50, though feel about 99 some days.
trying to make sense of the situation is futile, because there just isn;t sense to be made of it. you must look after yourself and hopefully the days will become easier, as I hope they will for all of us trying to get through this maze of confusion, hurt, fear and betrayal at the hands of one we once loved and trusted so much.
what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, I'm told, so we should by rights be the strongest on earth.
don't know that any of this will help, but keep in touch.
best wishes, Hannah x

and we have been able to come to an arrangement that the eldest lives with me and youngest with her.

Good Lord..no! Unless you have a very good reason. Separating the children as well creates a hell beyond means for them.
Dont make any decisions like this now. Dont make any decisions at all for now instead of appointing a lawyer.
You have received an enourmous blow TWO DAYS ago. You dont think straight, you barely function. You might think different now but this is normal. Very often the first days after the shock we are seemingly calm and rational.
Like people whos house has been bombareded and they take the broom out as soon as they get up from the floor and clean the house before checking if the family is alive.
In latest 10 days it will hit you.Prepare for the impact and dont do that to the kids.

Look, take care of yourself, talk to us her every day, ramble, sob. But give yourself time to understand what has happenend.

Sorry i should have pointed out that the eldest wants to live with me and the youngest wants to live with my wife.

Welcome and now you have to make full use of the site. Build up your possition so you know where you stand. I thought I new my position but asking questions on here has changed my perspective on everything. Take your time. My hit was that she had 5 yes 5 affairs during our marriage and 3 straight afterwards. So you can imagine how I feel . I want to come out fighting and I probably will.

I understand Kirk but dont let them make decisions like that. They have no idea what awaits them. Or you.

How old are they?