Hope things get better

The eldest is 14 nearly 15 who whats to live with me and youngest is 7

too young.
What they are doing now is taking sides. They should not do that. This loyalitay conflict will tear them apart.They wil not only miss the other parent but the sibling as well. Same to you.
Please speak to someone about it..a counsellor, a child psychologist. Ask you GP to refer you to someone, if you can somehow afford it do it privat. This will be the only money which you have to spend for that divorce whichg is worth every penny and does good.And its not as expensive as you might fear.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply and it helps that i'm not on my own.

I have been looking at other posts about mortgage etc.

My situation is my wife lives in rented and i am living in the family house. I want to keep this house am i right in the understanding that if i gave/offered her half the equity that would be enough in the eyes of the law? I have this awful feeling that if i did she would come back wanting more.

Also i have had some advice(from a friend) that she could be entitled to my pension, is this true?

I am loathed to get a solicitor as in my past experiences they do not do alot of work for vast amounts lol(sorry if any are viewing this)

There is so much to think about apart from the kids and my feelings.

Thanks for any further advice

Finances are quite complex therfore just a quick rundown.
Everything you have when divorce procedures start ( sometimes, depending on circumstances this can go up to Absolute)will be calculated, then shared. So not onlt house, but content, car (s) money, depth, loan, holiday homes, time shares, rainy day accounts.. you get the picture. EVERYTHING
Some items can be "removed" from the list like certain presents, certain family heirlooms but this can be all tricky.
Then its split..in long term marriages you start with 50/50.. can go up to 70/30 towards the needier, eg the wife who looked after kids and has not worked for 25 years and has no chance in hell to earn more ( if at all)than just for her food. sometimes particular bad conduct can be thrown in but this is very rare.

Pensions will be equalized, so you both have after Absolut roughly the same.
Maintenance: Your kids get both together 20% of your net income until they are finished with full time education. You are free to give more.
Spouse. Her income, her needs and your income and your needs are compared as well as possible future developpments. And this is were hell starts

Dont go there yet.
A good idea is to draw up, maybe with the help of a mediator a interim Separation Agreement in regards to maintenance so firt basic needs are being taken care off and stick to it.

On Top of the page is a frop down menue..starting HOME and ending with HELP. in the middle is something called FREE RESOURCES. It has a lot of valuable things, inc a Divorce Calculator.
Have a go at it..

I was going to send divorce papers first thing tomorrow, do you think it would be better to wait for a while first?

The reason is i did the calculator and it came out more than i expected lol

If i waited for a while say 6 months so that i took over bills, loans etc would that be better than an all guns blazing approach?

Also if we came to an amicable solution to the finances would then there be no need to go through solicitors?

Thanks for this

I was going to send divorce papers first thing tomorrow, do you think it would be better to wait for a while first?

Thats a very difficult question.
I did it out of shock. It was probably the best for the financial site. But after a few month I realised that it was emotionally a wrong decision. I was not ready to go through the ugliness of divorce. I was not ready to face the final let go.
Managed to put it a bit on hold and was lucky but go now through the whole financial mess still not stable enough and pay more in Sol fees than I would if I were of clear mind and good sleep. So he is dealing with everything.

Plus a divorce petition can cause great agression and the feeling of guilt and shame she has now will just evaporate.

If you manage to get her now at the table of a mediator it might be beneficial for you.
But.. it can not stop her legally to go in two years time for the whole hog. But then she might feel more shame because you proved to be a nice guy from the start so she might not do it.

So its up to you.. sorry.. can only give you ideas how it might be..

Thanks for your thoughts on my predicament, i have done a whole lot of thinking today and feel i might wait awhile (as you said it might just be rage at the minute with me).

She told me today she is going to a sol next week so i might wait to see what she is advised first.

Thanks again