Hope things get better

Just an update

My wife invited me round today, i went hoping to sort things out. I broke down in front of her and begged and pleaded with her to come back(can't believe i did that).

I can't see my life without her.

The anger and pain she has caused is overtaken by the love i still have for her.

When will this end!!!!!

OOPS !!!!!! Breaking down and crying is natural and I did it. Many times. Pleaded for her to come back. I Was distraught. Reading books on the subject appearing NEEDY only drives them away. That said I also had 'oh hes getting on with his life' he doesn't need me. You cant win either way.
Self torture is so damaging to yourself. Wont advise you not to do it as the question 'why' runs though my head every day.
Hopefully it will end. When I dont know but hopefully it will.

Hi Kirk

I know what you mean. I still loved my wife but she's with someone else. I told myself there's nothing more I could do but tell her how I felt but she loves someone else. I think that what ever you do, break down & cry or just carry on as though you don't care isn't going to change her feelings. So try and think of her as someone you used to know like and old school friend. That way your not going to hate her (which isn't any good for the kids) and your not going to love her. It's hard but time will help I promise. It's been 18 months for me & I'm now happy with this.

Take care

You should read the 'texting like a fool thread' Kirk - you'll know you're not alone!

If you want her back Kirk and she agrees, that has to be your decision. I have to say I did it - took him back after an affair - for exactly the same reason, just couldnt see life without him! As it turns out he walked away again years later but I dont regret taking him back as by the time he went I was more than happy with the decision.

Very few relationships survive affairs but there are some. Just make sure you have a back up plan.

Rasher

I'm currently going through exactly the same thing .... this has been dragging on for weeks and weeks. She would say ... let's meet up tonight and talk and then .... I'd get my hopes built up and then sure enough when we met she was as cold and frosty as ever.

Last week ... I started to realise the situation was hopeless and have decided it is time for me to begin the process of taking charge of events. I went to see her on Saturday and asked her if there was any chance .... I knew what her answer would be but I needed to hear it from her.

As soon as she said no, I said ok, thanks for letting me know, now is the time for me to move on. Since saturday I've had a few texts asking if I'm ok etc ... I'm ignoring them because I know me making contact is helping to ease her guilt.

Don't get me wrong ... this is incredibly hard for me ... I'm in bits ... I desperately want her back and want to try. But it's futile ... ive tried so mant times and been hurt so many times ... and each time my dignity, self respect and esteem takes a dip.

Before I met her on saturday - I did some real soul searching. I am 38 and 5 years ago succesfully overcame cancer - I am put on this planet just once and this is my life ... I won't get a second chance at it. I have had and will continue to have a period of 'mourning' over my wifes decision to end our marriage for some scrubber who she employs - however NOW is the time for me to take charge, pick myself up and hasten the recovery time as quickly as I can.

Although it's hard for me right now (incredibly hard) I do know that I will emerge stronger and more resilient ... and this process has begun by me minimising the contact i now have with her. I'm not sure if my startegy and tactics are right .... i just don't know, but I have to try and take control of events and not allow events to take control of me as they have done for the last 4 months.

Tonight I may be back on here, pouring my heart out ... that's what I'm like up and down ... and each to their own ... this strategy may make me feel better sooner which ultimately is what I want

Good Luck Kirk

Hi Kirk - so sorry to hear about the turmoil in your life.A similar thing happened to me and i thought my world had ended. However 2 years down the line my life and my kids lives are getting back to normality. My two daughters both stayed with me in the family home after my wife left and although it has been a rocky road there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. With the love of your children and the support of your family and close friends you can and will get through this. Just take each day as it comes and stay positive.

Thanks for the replies.

I know it will end someday and i read other peoples posts and how similar they are to mine.

I have always been a strong person but this has knocked my confidence and my life. I struggle sleeping and spend long times just staring into space. Not sure whether i can accept its over, at the good times i accept its gone but there hasn't been many so far.

I explained all my emotions this morning with her and she said ring her anytime if i'm feeling low--can't get through to her that although i thank her for saying that its her that has made me like this.

I keep logging into the chat room but i can't bring myself to chat and i was so out-going. So if you see me log in please don't think im being ignorant.

Christ you lot must be sick of me going on like this as if i am the only one with this problem.

Thanks again