Hope things get better

No we are not sick of anything here. Its a good outlet so use it. I was like you. Had hope every time I saw her but for my sanity I had to stop it. Hard Hard Hard but it had to be done. One point. If she really cared for you she would not have done this to you in the first place so its pure irony and cruel for her to keep you on a string. Suppose it eases her conscience.

Hi

Just an update and to let others in the same position as me know what is happening.

I am now at a place where i am happy with the position i find myself in, i have done a lot of thinking.

I have been thinking about all the bad times we had and realise that we had been going through the motions in our marriage and the split is the best thing that could have ever happened.

I am having problems with the mother in law, as my wife has told her things about the marriage from her side only and i don't want to tell her the full story as it would seem like i was just saying things to get back at her. So in her head i am this evil monster which if she knew the story she might think differently.

The other day my daughter and i were going for a walk and i texted my wife and just asked if my son isn't doing anything would he like to come, i got a phone call back saying i am trying to take him off her. She is using my son to get back at me and when i say this she gets nasty. All i want is for the kids to try and have a good life.

I can't understand her moods at the minute, she had the affair, she left, we sorted out finances so why is she not happy and in a place were she can be reasonable? She has got everything she wanted, the only thing i can think is that because i am being so rational and nice (as she puts it) she wanted me to be more hurt and as i am not anymore it must annoy her?

A couple of days ago she asked me if it would be ok if her new man(the one she had an affair with) and she took my son out for the day, i wasn't happy with this yet so asked if she could just give me a little time to get my head round that idea but it would be ok later. Worst mistake i made, i showed her i have a little crack that she can get to me with that and i am annoyed with myself that i showed her she can hurt me there if she decides to do it.

Just to people in same position as me although it has only been a week or so my life is so much better, i know i am lucky that i can get on with things so quickly but in just over a week i have gone from the lowest point i have ever been in to a place i can see a future.

It does get easier

Hi been thro exactly the same situation as you are and still. They can only hurt us if we let them.

Hi Kirk

Really glad to hear you're gradually getting your life back together.

One thing you said struck a chord with me, you say you can't understand why she's not happy. Exactly the same with my husband. He had the affair and is getting exactly what he 'wished for', but he is behaving as if he is the injured party. Spoke to his Mum the other day and she told me that when he went down to her's on his own recently he was drinking an entire bottle of wine every night and was in a bad mood and grumpy the whole time. Not the actions of a happy man.

I really don't think that they expected to feel such guilt, plus as most rational people know grass is never greener on the other side. I also think that if they are unhappy with their life they always assume it's the other persons fault (you and me) and that if they just change the partner they'll be happy (much like people thinking that if they were thinner or had more money life would be perfect). Unfortunately for them they are the ones with the problems and they take those problems with them when they leave, and just transfer them to the new relationship.

The chances are that when the dust settles it'll be you that is the happy one and your wife will never find what she is looking for. Some people are just never satisfied with what they have and they'll never be happy. Unfortunately people like you and me get trampled in the process.

Take care of yourself and your children.

Mad x

kirk11111 wrote:

she had the affair, she left, we sorted out finances so why is she not happy and in a place were she can be reasonable?

My ex also had multiple affairs; and it seems he needed me to know about it. When he realised I was happilly getting on with my life; he started yelling "I can't believe you won't fight for me"! and "I can't believe you're not even curios to know where I go!"

(My only reply was that the man that wanted to be with me - would stay with me)

My ex also wrote after seperation that he was still in love with me. Despite evicting me from our house (Occupation Order proceedings) he was never successful at evicting me from his brain.

These betrayers aren't happy bunnies in the first place. They simply press their own self-destruct button; bring about their own downfall; and expect us to suffer their pain.

If you love someone; you don't do that!

I'm glad your recovery is going well.
Sera
x

Feeling a tiny bit low at moment.

Been sorting out this years holiday, first one without the wife---feels strange. Just me and the kids.

Not looking for anything from fellow members just needed to get it out of my system on here.

Kirk,

Sorry you are going through this. It hurts real bad, I know. Speaking from my experience, the best thing I did was to turn my life around. You don't appear to have the problems I have (alcohol), but there is something within your marriage that acted as a catalyst for the current situation. Affairs are rarely the cause of a breakdown, more of a symptom.

Keep your head clear, your spirits as high as they will go (not easy) and take each day one step at a time. Try not to dwell on what might have been or what might be, but pick yourself up, dust yourself off and say. 'OK, Kirk, we can do this' (did I mention I also have problems talking to myself:P )

If you feel like fighting for your marriage, then do it. As others have said though, being all needy by begging and crying doesn't work. It's not like the movies where the other party keels over and hugs you.

Do everything for you, your wife is in turmoil as well. She probably doesn't even know what day it is. Things are said and done whilst full of emotion that are not really meant. If you feel the need to say something to her, wait, think about it, think again and then if it still feels right, say it. At least you will be sure and not impulsive.

Oh, and don't worry about using the forum as a sounding board, I did and I felt better for it.

Good luck mate, and believe in Kirk!!