Hi all. Wife wants to seperate.

Dynaclive,

The first thing a solicitor will tell you.
Is there''s no point in paying out for a seperation agreement.
It costs money.It''s not watertight legally.
That''s what a divorce and a Consent Order deals with.Save your money and go straight to the divorce.
I can tell you now you''ll get maximum 25% of the house equity and be paying it 25% of your take home after that.
Don''t expect any more.
Remember she''s with another bloke and all she''s interested in now is getting you out of the house to move him in and screwing you over financially.
She ain''t thinking about you at all.
All the best
HRH x

Thanks for the advice, sorry wasn''t thinking last night.

I know she does not care about me. She started getting nasty last night when I said I would not look into remortgaging. Why she though this was an option I have no idea!

I understand it will be 25% of pay and I would happily walk away with 25% of the house right now. I don''t trust she will be as keen to sell the house once I''m out. I have also offered the split the pensions 50/50 as this seems fair.

She is currently refusing to discuss future finances living apart, I thought this would be vital for the children and a key part of any separation.

Thanks

Hang on a second ''her finances are none of your business''?! Well dear they are marital assets so it is all relevant. Does she not realise that if you get to the disclosure stage (form E) then she will have to declare all her income, assets and outgoings?

Seems to me what''s yours is hers and whats hers is hers. Heads she wins, tails you lose. I have to say (as a woman) that I agree 100% with what the men here have been saying to you as it has happened to my partner - with bells on! Courts can be very biased even though they purport not to be.

If I were you, I would take a very hard line. Firm but fair. You have had some good advice here - advice that has come from a lot of our mistakes over the years. Advice that a solicitor will not tell you.

She has unilaterally decided that you are splitting up. She has not had the courtesy or respect to even give you reasons why or be honest with you as to whether there is someone else on the scene (I too suspect there is). She is adamant your relationship is over and wants you to go away ASAP but keep paying. She has left you no choice in whether your relationship could be salvaged. Now she wants you to leave your home and children and pay for it all. Quite unbelievable. She clearly has no regard for your feelings.

I would gather all your financial info and get any pension values calculated. Note all marital assets and liabilities in a spreadsheet or similar - password protect it. Is she hiding any savings she has not disclosed to you? I would then take legal advice regarding fair division of assets - or feel free to ask on here and you will most likely get a yardstick figure.

I would not move out, exactly as you have been advised here. Don''t allow yourself to be guilted or played by her. Deal with fact, not emotion. Gather your evidence. Make sure you have people around you who can support you as I am sure you will need to vent. I know I would! If you get a solicitor then get a very good one. Consider also whether it is better to have a CSA assessment in respect of the kids rather than have courts set a level, at least CSA payments have a clear end date.

You may find this e book useful, Divorce and Splitting up, written by a top divorce solicitor, it is very inexpnsive, 99p! Cheapest advice from a solicitor you are ever likely to get! LOL.

www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=...ywords=Marilyn+Stowe

Most of all, stay in touch here with the wise Wiki peeps. Their advice is invaluable.

Stay strong,

EA

That''s a really really nice thanks, her future finances is what she doesn''t want to plan with me, her finances affect the kids so I believe they need to be discussed before the separation.

I have a spreadsheet of all our finance as of the 5th of this month.

Can she force me to go to mediation and make me pay for the mediation?

I need to work now but I will pop back at lunch time.

Many thanks, love this site and the people.

You don''t give her 50% of your pension if you give her 75% of the house equity. You trade that off against the extra 25% she''s getting.
All the best
HRH x

Her future finances are very much part of the equation - can she afford to take on a mortgage to pay you 25% of the house? Is 75% of the equity plus a mortgage affordable for her? Will she be entitled to extra benefits when she becomes a single parent?

You also need somewhere to live suitable for having the children to stay.

Like everyone else on this thread I see a classic pattern of adultery. As for moving out - well I did this and in many ways it saved my sanity but it has left my stbx able to procrastinate about the consent order and selling up. If you can hack it, stay put.

Does she realise that she will be expected to maximise her income potential as soon as possible? Does she realise that divorce/separaton means it is inevitable that both of you will suffer a decline in standard of living?

Maybe you should start another thread about finances and get some advice about the likely split.

The wikipeeps will need the thread to show your respective ages, number and ages of children, your respective incomes, all assets inc pensions, value of house and outstanding mortgage, all other debts.

Well that may have changed things? No one home and she has packed almost all of the cloths for her and the kids.

Well that''s definitely not whats best for my kids.

You lot know my wife better than I do!

Takeaway and beers tonight!