Hi all. Wife wants to seperate.

Agree with all the above

DO NOT move out

DO Prepare yourself for a third party

The biggest warning for me on what you write is, "she MIGHT want to take you back".....The cheaters handbook says "Yeah she may if her plan A fails"

Best bet is watch, and stay putt

Try to keep polite and respectful to her at all times. There is a well used method of ejecting a partner from the marital home which is to start an argument and then telephone the police claiming fear of domestic violence. Once you are out of the family home, she could then introduce a third party into the equation if that were the plan.

It may not be your situation at all, but it is worth keeping this in mind.

Hi thanks for the responses,
The counselling has been agreed (just) but she still wants me out first, still debating on this. I have given her more room and this week we have only sat down and discussed this but she is still pushing. The sofa is my next option for more room. She would appear to getting a little heated as I am insisting on not telling the kids and going for counselling before we do anything else. I don’t want the kids affected at all but if they are involved I want the change to be one smooth change. Hopefully counselling will give a clearer indication if we have a future and better decisions can be after that.
I am wondering if a third party could be an emotional thing, all the mums spend a lot of time together. I will keep an eye on this. Don’t worry about the calmness; I am a very calm person all the time.

Thanks for the advice, lovely website.

Hi, this is like keeping a journal. Is keeping a journal a good idea?

I told my wife I wanted to attend counseling before I moved out and it didn''t go down well and she ended up saying if I didn''t leave she would take the kids. She is at her friends house, she jumped at the opportunity to go there.

I will continue to do what is best for the kids, counseling as step one, i can''t see any better initial step can you?

Very helpful typing on here, thanks

dynaclive wrote:

I told my wife I wanted to attend counseling before I moved out and it didn''t go down well and she ended up saying if I didn''t leave she would take the kids. She is at her friends house, she jumped at the opportunity to go there.

Hi,
You are in a lose lose situation, you move out and you don''t see the kids, you don''t move out and you don''t see the kids.
I strongly suspect that she is offering to attend counselling if you move out as a lever to get you out and will refuse to go if you do move out.

What to do next, well make sure your joint accounts / mortgage is locked down.

LB

Don''t move out! Agree with others - her saying she needs space is a way to make you feel guilty and go - then her plan starts to come together! Another thing how are you going to afford to support yourself somewhere else and pay the mortgage etc.. If you could afford to do that and once you''re out - you could be in that situation for many many months!
You need to stay put - spend time with your kids - if you move out you''ll not get that chance whatever she says !
Maybe she''s not like that - who knows - divorce/separation does funny things to people.
Stay put try work things out from there and don''t listen to her blackmail of ''you move out then we''ll sort things''! It''ll never happen - synical maybe but been there - done that - got the t-shirt - lesson learned - too late!

She''s trying to manipulate you with false promises. Stay put.