A short introduction ? Take a deep breath....

ok goldie so was that a stupid remark on my part ??

i think you know exactly what i meant if you read the rest of my post it becomes obvious...

mark....thank you....no offense taken but i was just trying to explain what wiki is about..if i sounded uummm angry i was abit...

so many people here will offer advice, whether you like the advice given or not...

we are all a good bunch here just sometimes emotions get in the way....and people are still hurting...

as mike said it would be good to stay with wiki..

your post has certainly had some interesting responses anyway...

take care
daisy

I'm sorry if you found my 'voice of reason' so damn unreasonable. As others rightly point out: Wiki is a Support Community. You will be supported through your anger, fears, frustrations (at the protracted costs and time it all takes) and we will support you. In the process we will share anger and joy.

In the thousand-plus posts I've made, I've helped hundreds, and not helped a small handful.

You fall in to the catagory of the latter; I think you didn't hear me say what you wanted to hear: That 'he' should be kciked out of his home - because his presence is inconveniencing you both.

The 'leavers' have often spent many years plotting, scheming and planning the end of their marriage; before announcing it to their shocked spouse. You have emotional moved on "years ago" by your own admission. Your lovers husband is in shock (as most of us were) and is reacting with anger as a result of that shock).

You're welcome to share your frustrations at Wiki, but coming here with a game-plan of what you think OUGHT to happen (for the convenience of removing another man from your lovers life) is not how these things work.

I stand by everything I posted, and if you don't like the answers; then don't invite comment.

Daisy040 wrote:

ok goldie so was that a stupid remark on my part ??

Do you really want me to answer that...??

Sera wrote:

In the thousand-plus posts I've made, I've helped hundreds,

....but only had 59 "Thanks".

I invited 'constructive comment' if you read my post from the beginning.

And 'he' is not recovering from shock. 'He' has known about this for nearly a year, tried to destroy my family and children, reducing my 11 yr old daughter to a crying ball in her bedroom, when he found out.

Since then he has used every emotional and physical weapon he can to make her stay. He's not once tried to discuss how things might change between him and her, just how he can force her back into the same life he's made her lead for the last 20 years, and how guilty she should feel and how much she has to make up to him.

He is a control freak and a bully. He orders sex like it was a cup of tea. His angst is nothing to do with losing her, but all about losing control. She has finally come to realise that.

But I don't want this thread to become a discussion of who's right and who's wrong. There will never be agreement on that, and we've all made mistakes we're not proud of.

So let's just leave it shall we ?

If I return to the forum in the future, I'll remember to discuss specific issues, and not sucha gneral 'situational' one such as I have.

Good luck to you all on your journey.

Marko
Just a quick post from me to echo what Goldie & Templar have said. Stick around. Others may understand better with time.

We all need help you included.

Tinny

Mr. Goldie,
I don't know you, your circumstances or have any recollection of your previous 19 posts. (Neither do I need to)

I suspect you could be my ex; since of the few posts you do make, seem to follow me around looking for an opportunity to start trouble, insult and kick my bootiliscious backside.

I'll leave it at that.

Mark,
It remains your choice to use Wiki, or not. From a womans point of view I will add that despite that your lovers husband may have been controlling these past twenty years; it remained her CHOICE to marry him, to have children with him, and to stay all those years. We can't live with regrets; we have to accept our own responsibility in the part we played at allowing this situation.

Mark

I often think that its overlooked that you only hear one-side of the story. You have only heard her side of their marriage. I am sure that its probably true to her mind, but I am also sure that her husband views things differently and has a different take on their problems.I know for a fact mine views all our situation way different to me!

He will view you as a 'cuckoo' that is wanting to walk in on his family and obviously he is fighting for his family tooth and nail. You cant change this and neither can his wife. No-one can make someone 'accept' someone elses decisions or thought processes and this can cause a great deal of frustration and hurt, but goes with the situation you have found yourself in.

I agree with Mike that in amongst the emotion Sera is offering some valid opinions on what you are 'up against'

It wont be fixed in weeks or months and obviously there are the implications on YOUR children to think about and hers, which are foremost.