A short introduction ? Take a deep breath....

Glad you got that off your chest Sera...??

Its a good job that everybody doesn't pile in with a good dose of their "opinion" or some of the posters on here might get a bit of a shock.

Didn't one sensible person post the other week to the tune of "If you don't have something postive to say than perhaps best to keep quiet"...??

mark

wiki is not a place for angry people to vent on..

wiki is a place full of people who have had their hearts broken one way or another..

its a place of solitude, support, respect and love for each other....yes i love some of my pals on wiki because they have been with me through thick and thin...they've given me their time and all of the above......we laugh together, cry together, speak to each other on the phone, have meet ups and generally are there for each other...which our ex's clearly are not....

you must understand, i would say most people here have been cheated on....i have and its so hard reading peoples posts who, however its happened have had affairs, no possibly not physical ones but emotional ones...an affair doesnt have to be physical..

yes alot of us are angry, god of course we are, but mostly we are heartbroken......

ive been reading your posts this am and honestly didnt know how to reply, but now you have kicked wiki down I just had too....

However your life pans out i wish you well..

Daisy

Marko,

Wikivorce is a support community, without a doubt populated by a very supportive group of people.

However, you must also understand that there are the 'left' and the 'leavers', the 'home-makers' and the 'home-breakers'.

The vast majority of the people here are the 'left'. Primarily because the 'leavers' have moved on to their new and exciting life with their new love.

The ones left behind are often desperate to try to make sense of it all.

As you point out, emotions run very high in times of relationship breakdown.

A post like yours is, to say the least, unusual. But in the year or so I have been here, it is by no means the most unusual (What ever happened to Fred Stone?...).

Much as I appreciate the time and effort you put into your post, I don't need any more ill informed opinion. We all make mistakes, we're working through ours and are both continuing to make more I've no doubt.

I would urge you to re-read Sera's post and take out the emotion for a moment. There is a good deal of helpful and realistic advice and observation in there.

I would be disappointed if you felt that Wikivorce could not be a helpful resource to yourself, but I think it fair to say that your situation is somewhat unusual, and likely to provoke comment.

I wish you well with your journey, and I hope you DO decide to stay with us. We all have something to contribute to the debate. That is what is healthy about Wikivorce - we ARE all different and each bring something new to the thinking.

Best of luck

Mike

Marko

A lot of people reading your post will have been in the position of your wife/her husband and it upsets them and takes them back to the point at which their lives collapsed.

It stirs up bad memories for them, and find it very hard to understand, knowing what your wife/her husband must be going through.

It was such a long detailed post, very explicit and quite upsetting, at least it was to me.

I dont understand either what you were actually asking wiki peeps to advise and help you on.

Hope it all sorts itself out very soon, for the children's sake.

zara

I apologise for any offence Daisy.

The only reason I registered and posted was after having spent many hours readnig the forums as a guest I finally found a very well written entry.

The member involved explained from the male perspective, just how hard it is to apparently 'get up and leave without looking back'.

Much like the author had, I have spent years 'working' on my marriage, desperately trying to find my place in it as anything other than 'bread winner and disciplinarian', and accepting that as my lot, that happy kids should be enough. Contentment ? Perhaps, happiness ? No.

Kids do complicate things. They changed my marriage dramatically so who knows where we would be if we hadn't had them ?

My partner in crime was about to leave her husband when she discovered she was pregnant by accident. And as I've just said, kids change a marriage.

We met, we fell in love. We've tried to find a way of turning that back into a good friendship for the god of our respective marriages and families and failed. Believe it or not, it is devastating to realise that all you've worked for for years, all that you've put into your marriage, your home, your family just isn't making you happy and that the only thing left to you is to walk away, leave it all behind and try and scrape a life together again.

Daisy040 wrote:

mark

wiki is not a place for angry people to vent on..

Hello...have you read some of the posts on here...?

I could provide links to countless examples of anger being vented. But fair play, some people want to rant, throw their toys around whatever, some just want advice. Regardless, provided people make rationale statements, they should be able to post without fear of a backlash.

Marko
we're not all as judgmental as Sera who is obviously still very angry and very bitter. the one thing I find very upsetting about wiki is that people tend to put themselves in the situation that is being discussed - they have a total inability to be objective - they fire off on emotion for obvious reasons but I for one find that very disappointing.
Absolutely no-one can really understand your situation - despite the length of your post - you cannot communicate years of what you have been through - how many times you have tried to save your marriage etc.
Stay on here - please - its important to have open and informed dialogue and healthy debate - you never know - you may even cause others to develop some insight!