Can he ask me to leave?

Hi SilverFir

Welcome to wiki - Im sorry you have had a bit of a baptism of fire.

Im in Scotland too - and also in a rural location. Its not eaasy being tied to an area you no longer wish to stay in, for what ever reason.

If you feel like letting off some steam, feel free to send me a private message, I dont judge. Being stuck in an unhappy marraige is hell on earth, and there comes a time when enough is enough.

Im glad you didnt duck out of the site, there are people here who will be able to advise you on your other posting regarding asset division, and on divorce/separation under Scots Law, which differs from English/Welsh Law.

Take Care

Ruby

Hold up an mo Sera, I perhaps didnt express myself properly. What I meant was, if the marriage was good from the point of view of the adulterer, adultery would not occur. Clearly something is lacking in either the marriage or the person, that they seek it elsewhere. My comment was not desinged to be hurtful.

Perry, I do not see myself as the concience of anything, much less Wiki, however we are here to support, and the point is, if someone cannot offer a poster support, he or she should simply not post, rather than make judgements. We do not know the reasons behind Silverfir's actions, nor should she have to feel the need to tell us them to have our support.

Amanda

Morality by the nature of marriage leads us to have believed it was "Foresaking all others" or "Between one man and one woman" or "letting no man tear apart what God had brought together"

We find in divorce that our morality means nothing, that the sins of the adulters are usually rewarded in Divorce court and I can't bear to hear of another stranger suffering what I'd suffered in both my divorces, hence my continued presence on wiki.

If a marriage breaks down, then the two married people are the only ones who know why. If either party divorces and starts over, good luck to them finding new happiness.

But if a person is told "Go. there's someone new and I don't want to be with you anymore" After three nights on a mates sofa (or in the car, or whereever he was) that man must've thought "why the hell should I be the one going"?

And our reations (mostly as victims at the mercy of those that chose to tear our lives apart) I think the user got a few fair comments, and a wealth of help and knowledge about the asset splits.

Hi Silverfir,
I think it was really gutsy of you to stay with us here. It's unfortunate that some (well-meaning and usually very kind ) wikipeeps mixed up the practical issues in your situation with the emotional and confused their history with what you are going through.
To them I'll say:
Before you criticize a person, walk a mile in their shoes.

To you: stay with us and wiki, you'll find the advice and support you need.Keep posting.
Sprite

If sex is the problem within a marriage, end the marriage first and then to and find someone else to have some fun with. I dont remember any of my marriage vows saying that if you think the bedroom antics are not good enough, find someone else, wreck a few lives and then all is fine.

I agree that if violence is involved it is a totally different issue. But, just for lust and pleasure, not an excuse.

If you post on a forum such as wiki, consisting of approx 30,000 people there is more than a slim chance that you are going to hit a few raw nerves;)

Sera, you need to take it a bit less personal. And you know that I support you even when we don't agree.

But it is unfair to new people to jump on them and leave them with the wrong impression about the site and neither you nor I want to do that.

I think it is fair game to point out to SilverFir that how she handles herself in the next little while will determine whether hers will be amicable or world war three. Most of that is in her hands.

But we need to do that in a way that does not punish her because you and I are still hurt by our ex-spouses.

SilverFir, people will listen and support, but mnay of us had a pretty rough ride because our ex's treated us badly. If you can extract yourself gracefully from your marriage it will be all parties best interest.

Amanda, I know you did not mean it to sound as it did and that your comments were meant with the best of intentions. Your concern for SilverFir is admirable.

I think this should be a lesson learned for all of us.

I hope you stick around SilverFir and do take the advice on board. Some will be very helpful and some will be a bit frank. But you are going to face a difficult period and on the whole people on this site, especially Sera do put alot of effort in trying to give good advice.

Perry

For the record, I didn't ask my OH to leave at the weekend. I was prepared to talk and try to come to an amicable arrangement regarding accommodation, but I misjudged his response.

I know this is painful for many people, but I would repeat my request for impartial guidance only please.

Thanks for all your replies so far.