Can he ask me to leave?

Hi Silver fir

you asked a question which unfortunately does involve an emotive issue but i think you have been given the advice that you requested. There are many people on here who have been in your position and i think people were just given their views often based on their own experience which most of us are only qualified to do unless we are relationship counsellors.

I have to say i find an argument that you put forward on adultery amanda far to simplistic. You may wish to read a book called after the affair written by relate which outlines the reasons people have affairs and it is not always for the reason you state.In fact there is often not just one type of affair.

I think people on here generally don't make moral judgements but you cannot just sweep away any comments people make regarding adultery. i thought wiki was about putting across reasoned arguments based on experience and fact. The argument you use amanda is unfortunatley the one used by many having affairs to justify their actions. It also only succeeds in making those hurt by such actions to feel even worse about themselves. Perhaps we should all think before making such sweeping statements.

I know this is painful for many people, but I would repeat my request for impartial guidance only please


Impartial advice is what you are given by a solicitor, they do not get involved in any of the emotional business. They do charge for their services,



zara

SilverFir wrote:

I would repeat my request for impartial guidance only please.

I'm sure when you get to your solicitor and hand over £200+ per hour, impartial advice is all you will get.

Here at wiki; people who have been dumped and have suffered are by their very nature Carers and are contributing what we contribute (for free!) even long after we've divorced we still stay on to enlighten others.

That is what Forums are for.

I hope you find the advice you're looking for here. I hope you stick around and contribute as much as others when you've taken it.

It should've been my wedding anniversary tomorrow, but ex decided he'd prefer to get "double-bubble' and live a life of Sex, Drugs Rock & Roll without a caring, beautiful, talented, wealthy, considerate, caring wife.

I'm not raw because of the dates, I'd have said what I wanted to say anyway. If I can't bring personal opinion to my posts, I can't help anyone, because my personal experiences are all that I can rely on for my wealth of knowledge.

This is a tricky one silverfir, your husband could just as easily be on this forum asking the same sort of question but from the reverse perspective. I presume hes gone off in desperate upset (do you think he had an inkling this was comming) and of course after thinking it through hes probably feeling rightly or wrongly - why am I the one sofa-surfing - hence the email ultimatum. Even though he cant force you out anymore than you can force him out, it sounds like you are a long way off being able to share the house with reasonable grace. Some do pull that off but your situation sounds very emotional on both sides - I take note that you told him on Saturday without really thinking what might happen next so I presume you just felt you had to let him know what was going on.

But what are your plans?? You say your new partner lives elsewhere so being together isnt practical right now and perhaps you dont want to jump from one living with someone situation to another I dont know. But I think if you have some ideas about what you see happening in the immediate future that may help you and your husband negotiate the practicalities before it gets any worse. Perhaps if he realises there is a timescale that can be worked towards he will be able to get his head round that. I am just very aware that when emotions are running high and people feel trapped it could be hell for you both trying to live together.

Rasher

Somebody (sorry, I'm normally on a different forum and I haven't learnt all your names!) asked if I had plans.

I'm only still geographically here while I work out a 5week notice period. And I have advised me OH of this, so there is an end in sight.

I was actually inclined to be really generous and walk away from the marriage with only my personal effects, and was prepared to actually relinquish my half of the home as penance for being the one in the wrong.

I may be changing my mind now.

SilverFir wrote:

I may be changing my mind now.

You could always do what my ex did. You can decide you want out of the marriage and start Occupation Order Proceedings to ensure YOU remain in the home and he can't come anywhere neer you.

If you don't have reasons to oust him, you can make them up, get your friends to lie, pretend he is violent, and if your friends won't do that, then go to a Firm of solicitors who will act illegally and lie for you.

(You can borrow my ex's Trial Bundle if you need to follow form) and I can pm you his solicitors so that you can stick it to ex where it hurts.
Then you can ask the judge to get your ex to cough up the £17,953.00 your lies have cost, and no doubt (since judges sit on the side of the Petitioner) you'll no doubt recover that.

Once you have the MH to yourself, (like my ex does) you can invite your new friend around.

Then if you need help in shafting your disposed of husband there's plenty of ways we can advise you to screw him for anything you want and then go and shack up with new bf and leave him with nothing. And then if you really are vindictive you can encroach into his life when your fabulous one fails.

Your first post had all of this written between the lines. One thing I gained from personal experience, what is actually being said!

Well I don't think anyone on here would suggest that you walk away with nothing, becasue we all know that is not going to happen, nor should it. I'm not sure why you have said that. I think you are probably a bit confused right now which is ok.

You have said you are in the wrong. I don't know if you mean that, but if most of our ex's would have just given us the courtesy of accepting their role in the breakdown we probably would not have fought them tooth and nail over money.

It does not punish me that you decide to go after 50% or 40% or 30% or 0%. It certainly won't change my advice and genuie request that you go easy on your husband. Don't lead him on but you don't have to destroy his soul either.

Good luck SilverFir. I fear you might need it.