never thought Iwould be on wikivorce

Hi roxie

You seem to handle this quite well. He has left you in limbo looking for answers. If you are looking for answers then I hope you find them. Can you forgive him???? - Not to benefit him but to help you as once you can do that you will be able to move forward with your life. It's not easy though.

And you're right about not seeking any revenge - let HIS karma do that.

All the best

GF

Hi Brunswick

Well your message only comfirmed my fears ..
God only knows who I sent a reply to that did not need one .. etc.. etc ..
Oh well ...
I really need to learn a lot as far as computers and sites are concerned...
That aside , I think it is brilliant that you
met somebody else..
I think that it is an indication that you have moved on... no matter what the out come is ... Good luck to you..
Roxie

Hi goldfish 11,
I am coping with things the best way I can.
I am not really looking for answers ... I always ask myself :what for?
No , I can't forgive him ... more to the point I don't want to.
The reason for that is .. He is not worthy of anything that I can hope to find out about what he has done ... After all, he never gave me any explanation about his actions... Therefore I often ask myself why should I ask him anything. I prefer to let things as they are ... Does he asks himself why his wife NEVER ASKED HIM ABOUT WHAT HE DID...
I hope I can move on without him getting involved in the process.. What on earth can he do now to make me feel better?
At least that is one question I have the answer to : NOTHING.
Roxie

Hi Roxie

I know what you mean by not wanting to forgive him. It is hard to do. I was like that with my ex but it just ate me up inside and I began to feel really bitter towards her. I never asked her for any answers - I did not want them (I knew most of the truth anyway and couldn't trust a word she said). The same issues kept digging at me, the lies and deceit - so in my own time, I learnt to forgive her, then let go and move on forward with my life . I never told her this or asked her anything. I had to for ME otherwise I would have ended up a real bitter person. Hating her is not healthy for me. (Loving her is not healthy either).

Hi golfish 11

I always find people that can forgive anything, really amazing.. I have never been able to do so in the past regarding what I consider now (after my dreadful experience) even the most meaningless matter.
My problem is that I don't see any reason why I should forgive.
I don't want to either be resentful,

bitter etc...
I hope that I can be back to "my normal" self without those negative feelings .
But forgive.... no...
How nice it is to see that you have such an healthy and positive outlook on things...
Roxie

Roxie,


I apologise if any of my posts have offended you in any way - my intention was to offer comfort and share my experience with you.


Roxie wrote:

How nice it is to see that you have such an healthy and positive outlook on things...
Roxie

I have to look on the positive side of things for my own sanity. I was devastated when me & ex split and went through a rollercoaster of emotions. One day I was wanting to go back to her the next day I hated her. Everyday I realise she was 'fake' and that I am better off without her.

If it helps you not to forgive then you shouldn't. Be yourself and what helps you. We all deal with these situations in our time and ways and what helps comfort us. In my previous post I was just saying how I dealt with my break up. I had to forgive, for ME - to help me let go and move on without thinking of her all the time. It's hard but I knew I would be facing her as when I went to collect my kids, so it also helped me from having any bad feelings towards her and co-operate with her for my kids.

I hope you can understand my perspective.

Hi Goldfish 11
Nothing that you wrote was offensive.
On the contrary.I wish I could be as positive as you are.I also think that when you have children it is better to maintain a civilized rerelashionship with "the other one" no matter what happened.
I don't have any children so perhaps that explains my reluctance to forgive my husband.
I hope that I never see him again . There are no reason why I would . Apart from the fact that he works 10 mins from where I live....
Take care. Roxie