Should I or shouldn't I?

Summing up a relationship in a few short paragraphs is never going to happen.

My point is simple - if he divorces, regardless of what is right/wrong/indifferent, the law will be completely stacked against him. His relationship with his children will be abused and if it goes bad he may only see them very occasionally - by order of the law.

It doesn't matter whether his wife is an angel and he is a pig or vice versa - the law will screw FFF because he is the main wage earner and because he is a man. Pure, simple (and evil in my opinion).

musicmad wrote:

Summing up a relationship in a few short paragraphs is never going to happen.

My point is simple - if he divorces, regardless of what is right/wrong/indifferent, the law will be completely stacked against him. His relationship with his children will be abused and if it goes bad he may only see them very occasionally - by order of the law.

It doesn't matter whether his wife is an angel and he is a pig or vice versa - the law will screw FFF because he is the main wage earner and because he is a man. Pure, simple (and evil in my opinion).

Fair enough MM xxx ( your post, not the divorce laws cos obviously they are not - fair I mean!)

Oh dear!
Horses lead to divorces they do say...just a thought, why not try taking up the same hobby? Horses are a full-time way of life, I have them, my stbx was never interested, marriage should be about sharing. You say you have no hobbies and work 60 hours a week. My stbx worked these long hours which allowed us to afford horses. I was very very lonely because he was never there, horses were my company. Why not join your wife with them? You might find you like them and that way of life too, with your wife. Don't give up until you have tried everything. Divorce is very very painful - for the WHOLE family.

I hadn't read this thread until today and I too can't believe how everyone jumped down this poor chap's throat... he's probably not reading it by now it was so unkind.

He's a man and men don't always find it as easy to articulate their feelings as women do (I know this is a horrible generalization but its one that's true in my experience...) and do you not think his slightly flippant tone came about because of that rather than because he's an unpleasant, unkind person?

Essentially he feels unloved, he craves affection (he wants hugs but tells us he never gets one unless he asks) he wants sex (but tells us he doesn't get it often and is made to feel 'dirty' when he does - I'm sorry NO human being should be humiliated for wanting what is a basic human need...)...

His wife may be able to give us lots of reasons why she treats him like that and we'd all think them equally valid BUT and its a big BUT... if she doesn't want to hug him or have sex with him then she must be as aware as he is that there is something wrong in their marriage and she isn't making any effort to talk to him about it either other than to shout at him and get angry....

So every story has two sides and I can see two sides here... if we were all kinder to FFF he might have relaxed, opened up a bit and we'd all be able to help him properly.

Don't know who said it in this thread but women do seem to get more sympathy on this site and I think its because women (generalizing again...) are better able to express themselves over these issues...

Lets show some sympathy and patience to a man who is obviously in pain and trying (albeit failing) to understand what's going on but who has come here looking for help and sympathy...

Well said Ephelia!

No-one knows what goes on in a marriage, only the two people in it. On the outside a couple may look happy, etc, but on the inside and at home be completely miserable and unfulfilled.

It takes a lot of courage to pipe us and post here, particularly when its your first post - it took me about 2 weeks to write my first post.

FFF - I think the idea of writing a letter to your wife is an excellent idea, and one I was going to suggest myself. Writing gives you time to compose your thoughts, word exactly what you want to say and how you want to say it. You can also take your time to write it, and put across your thoughts and feelings in a calm manner. It also gives your wife time to digest your words, and will let her see exactly how you feel. She may well be just as unhappy as you.

You've said that she refuses to go to counselling - there is no reason why you cant attend on your own - give you some "you" space and time to work through how you are feeling.

Divorce is a very long, emotional hellish journey, and I can imagine that you have thought about this and writing your post for some time. Those of us who find the courage to say "I cant do this anymore" never just wake up and think "Oh, Ill ask for a divorce today, that will give me something to do". It takes a whole load of soul-searching and heart-break to realise that the marriage inst working, and there is only so much that a person can put up with. Please dont berate or be unkind to someone who has reached the end of their tether - you dont know what goes on behind closed doors.

FFF - if I can be of any help, just send me a private msg.

Take Care

Ruby

Here,here. None of us are here to judge, we are all here for help, love and support.

Personal experiences - SHOULD NOT conflict your replies to any post on here!

Speak from personal experience but dont tar people with the same brush!

Without knowing his personal circumstances - he may find he is able to have a divorce which suits him perfectly!!

The children maybe of an age where they do not need support for too long..

His wife may want to get off her lazy ass & get a job instead of playing with bloody horses all day long...

Who knows........

Angel 1