Should I or shouldn't I?

I am glad that some sensitivity and sensibility has come back into this thread in the form of the last few posts.

We have done a huge dis-service to a first time poster because he had the bravery to say what he feels...he does not like his wife anymore. He tells us why. His story is tinted as all our stories are by our own perspective. But some of the crap that was heaped on him was not only uncalled for but judgemental.

FUNFUNFUN, I applaud you for trying to come to grips with your unhappiness rather than straying down the route of finding comfort from a third party.

Divorce is the last option so do try to find a way to communicate your feelings and try even harder to listen to and hear your wife's views, even if at first they seem emotional rather than logical.

You need to also be thinking about the logical steps involving a divorce:
1. get the marriage certificate and hide it so you stay in control as much as possible if a divorce is going to be launched. Can't think of anything worse than finding out the acrimony is really about her having an affair and when it comes to light she hits you with a divorce petition based on your unreasonable behaviour.

2. Start a diary today of the time you spend with the children. Record everything you do with then, taking them to school feeding them, bedtimes stories etc. This is your best protection for the future in terms of establishing good contact.

3. The ladies on here say write how you feel in a letter to your wife. Men are rarely good at doing that, but I would go with their advice. Don't make it hostile, just how you are feeling, lonely, unloved, unvalued.

Good Luck and message me if you need some support,
regards,
perry

ill be blunt both female and male apply:

be prepared to pay solicitor fees per hour
be prepare to fight for your kids
be prepared for unreasonable demands
be prepared for your own emotions
be prepared to lose (no one wins)
be prepared to age 5 years

more importantly be prepared for a different future you had planned, a one of uncertainty. best of luck and remember you only live once.

It wasn't any of those reasons perrypower, it was the mention of Scorpio. As soon as mumbo jumbo enters, my eyes glaze over.
Maybe if they are both believers, they should consult an Astrologer.

Perhaps I am too close to this situation. Perhaps I shouldn't have commented.
Because I am telling you all now.If my stbx had posted HIS side of the story then I would be the wife who didn't give any affection, who "sat on her fat arse all day playing with horses ( or whatever the quote was).
Men are SUPERB at playing the victim and he has done this here - you have all fallen for it hook ,line and sinker.
I am sorry but he has been pretty awful about his wife - he has said some pretty horrible things and he has made himself out to be the injured party and yes if he is reading this I stand by what I say.
You see this is the thing with my stbx - he used so called "logic" - I would then get upset and he would then tell me to stop shouting.
Many of you have made remarks about the "poor chap" - well guess what. There is a poor wife here as well and quite frankly I would love to hear her side.
So FFF if you are looking for sympathy from me, you won't get it.
Stop talking AT your wife and try talking TO her.
My stbx had a neat trick - he would always offer to pick our daughters up from various things and when I offered to do it would insist that he didn't mind. If we were going out, he would insist on driving . THEN he would tell everyone with great glee that HE had to drive because I wanted to drink! And guess what, they would feel sorry for him! He loved it.
For the last few Christmas's I had to work xmas day early shift. So I painstakingly wrote out xmas dinner instructions and he would follow them till I came home and took over.
He then told people that he ALWAYS cooked xmas lunch!
So when FFF gives this tale of always doing the school run and she being too busy with horses, when he says that he always cooks and washes up while she sits on her backside, I take it with a large pinch of salt.BECAUSE I can see my stbx there - the martyrdom, the "aren't I wonderful", the whole "my wife doesn't understand me" ploy.

Okay we have his side but in this case I can see exactly what is happening here and it stinks quite frankly.
Sorry - I know I am out of order and ordinarily I would never comment but as I say, this is too close to home.

hold on for a mo, who cooked your meat on the barbecue fair enough you

made the salad
buttered the buns
got the sauce
fetched the meat
got the plates
invited the guests
bought and supplied the drinks

but men allways have to finish what a women started we cooked the meat and distributed it as our work

sorry just thought I would bring some light heartedness to the table (sorry cant help it)

Oh, Lucretia, how I love you!

FFF said he worked 60 hours a week, but did it all at home. In my post I wrote that whilst he was working those hours, his wife must have been looking after the kids.

My ex was similar to your ex. I put on over 7 stone in my marriage (don't worry I have lost it now and more - through sheer happiness!). I comfort ate big time.

My ex worked long hours, shifts as a police officer. And when he was at home he "took" over. That was his choice. It was a dreadful nightmare and I ended up going to bed when he did his taking over. I wonder if that is when FFF rides her horse - to get out of his way!

At the end of the day, as you so rightly say, there are always two sides to any story and when FFF says he needed a hug from his wife, maybe that translates to he wanted sex with his wife. Maybe she cottoned on to that and if he was working 60 hours per week, she was probably knackered and that is why she didn't offer a hug, because she knew she would have to then fulfil the dirty deed, lol! x

JoannaA wrote:

Oh, Lucretia, how I love you!

FFF said he worked 60 hours a week, but did it all at home. In my post I wrote that whilst he was working those hours, his wife must have been looking after the kids.

My ex was similar to your ex. I put on over 7 stone in my marriage (don't worry I have lost it now and more - through sheer happiness!). I comfort ate big time.

My ex worked long hours, shifts as a police officer. And when he was at home he "took" over. That was his choice. It was a dreadful nightmare and I ended up going to bed when he did his taking over. I wonder if that is when FFF rides her horse - to get out of his way!

At the end of the day, as you so rightly say, there are always two sides to any story and when FFF says he needed a hug from his wife, maybe that translates to he wanted sex with his wife. Maybe she cottoned on to that and if he was working 60 hours per week, she was probably knackered and that is why she didn't offer a hug, because she knew she would have to then fulfil the dirty deed, lol! x

Thanks Jo. xxxxxx
That was known as a Lucretia rant - they happen from time to time. I frolic along quite nicely and every now and then I blow and say exactly what I think!
I have a reputation for it in RL - I try so hard to button my lip but then.... whoops!