When will it end!

boredstiff wrote:

He is now saying that he is not even going to bother with the divorce!

hmmm... that would prevent the two of you going forward. I'd seriously warn you against investing any money into any joint venture (new home etc) until he has legally divorced; and had a Consent Order agreed in Court; otherwise; he'd have to add YOUR stuff to any future Financial disclsure. If he died; she'd be next-of-kin..... would you want her also claiming HIS part of your house?

You'd need to decide if you're happy to wear the hat of 'Other Woman'. I personally couldn't. He should be jumping at the chance to end his marriage (legally) and move in to a bright happy future.

You might need to decide what YOU want now; and what is right for YOU!

You need to get hold of your fella and tell him to stop being such a wimp!
He's still allowing the ex to dictate the terms and manipulate him!
Detach himself from the emotions he's obviously a business man this is a financial dissolvement of a partnership,because let's face it at the end of the day all it comes down to is the money because there's very rarely any nicety divorce means the relationship has failed and all that's left is carving up the carcass!
There's NO BLAME attached to the ancillary relief so what's sauce for the goose is also for the gander.
He wants to get a good lawyer ,let the lawyer do the work provide the financial info required by the court as she has to too not be afraid and get it in court as quickly as possible because it's obvious she will only be satsfied with everything so he's got to protect his own interests because at the end of the day he's just gonna be paying for some woman month in and out who wishes him dead!
He needs to get organised!Go through the legal process to get a deal sorted so that he isn't financially hamstringed for the rest of his life by his inability to set boundaries for this woman!

They were married for 17 years, have 3 kids, 16, 13 and 9. They have a mortgage together and he now has a seperate mortgage with me. He was willing to give her all the assets as long as she was fair in the monthly outgoings, unfortunately she wrote a list that came out to be almost the entire amounnt of his monthly salary! She included monthly outgoings like £500 a month for childrens holidays (£6k a year) even though when she does take them abroad he always pays for either all of it or the majority of it. When she sent through her proposal it was completely unreasonable and didnt account for her paying for anything. All he cares about is that his kids are not affected financially, this is just another angle she uses as she see's it as his weak spot and uses them to gain an extra pound or two.

Whenever the kids come at the weekend they are always armed with an invoice or fee relating to a club that they go to and he obviously has no choice but to pay it. She is just being clever and taking his money every month and then getting him to pay for more things on top.

I am seriously losing the will to live as is he. Even when I try to give him advice he rips my head off. He is turning into a wildman who has lost all sense of reason. Like I said he is now at the point where he just wants to completely dismiss the whole divorce as he feels he is just flushing money down the drain with solicitors.

You have all been a great help but I just do not know what to tell him to do next.x

Tell him to stop allowing her to manipulate him by using the kids as leverage.
Kids wanna holiday yeah try Butlins!Kids got clubs yeah that's what's the maintenance for.
Sounds like he's trying to assuage a guilty concscience reading between the lines!
However,I love my kids but she gets the child maintenance and that's it.She was the one who didn't want me there btw affair etc.i tell her made your bed now lie in it.
However ,as I always tell the kids I didn't divorce you so if they need anything I sort it out with them direct.if i think it is something they really need

Throughout his whole marriage to this woman, she manipulated him and he gave her absolutely everything majority of the time for a quiet life. she is very used to getting what she wants so I am sure she assumes that if she rides this out long enough he will give in to her eventually.

He has worked his nuts off his whole life and I will be dammed if he gives her half of everything he has worked for.

I love his 3 kids to bits and I wouldn't seem them go without a thing, as far as I am concerned they could all move in tomorrow, they are also the most nicest 3 little people I know. I hate it that she can use them as ammo.

If I was her I would just want this chapter closed.

She has got illusions of grandure as well in case you hadn't noticed. Even though he pays her almost half his salary now she has convinced herself that she gets hardly anything from him and that he hardly contributes!

Hi Boredstiff,
I am afraid you are REALLY going to have to talk to him and get the urgency and the seriousness of this across to him.
My Husband was similar, he spent the years on his own, bowing down to what his ex wanted, throwing money and the kids, bearing in mind she offered zilch.
The way MH described it to me was he was the one that felt guilty, even though it was her that sloped off and boffed another bloke. He knew he was not guilty, but it was the children. The strange this is that the ex has now poisoned his daughter against him and he has not seen her for nearly a year. You know why, because he did not bad mouth their mother, but she spent her time slagging him off left right and centre, so, all they knew was what their mother had told them. He thought he was shielding them, but little did he know it would not work out quite like that.
You have to show this site to your partner and get him to wake up and get moving.

As Sera said, without a court order she will get her claws into anything and everthing. Thank goodness we had a court order!! Dont underestimate the scheming minds of these sort of people.

And the children, he will have to stop just handing out money here and there, perhaps just a nominal amount of pocket money to them, if he wishes. They too have to learn the meaning of money and its worth.

I think it might be an idea to let him have a look through this thread tonight, with a coffee, or wine, by the time he gets to the end of it.

It is going to be tough, really tough, if you feel exhausted now, wait until a year down the line. He has to do it quickly and cheaply. It is either her or you.
His choice.
Zara