Tracking your wife's car and text messages

Hi,
my husband was the one having the affair, but he did, and still does, all the tracking and spying on me. I can understand how you feel, but be careful. It just makes you look like a stalker and it would be all too easy to turn it around and make it look like it's that kind of unreasonable behaviour that drove her to it. I know only too well how it feels, but if you want a divorce, just tell her. She's in the driving seat at the moment, having her cake and eating it, if there are no children, just tell her you want out. Calmly. If she denies having an affair, so what, you don't want to be in this marriage, and whether she's cheating or not, you don't trust her so it's time to look out for yourself.
Get out while you're still the person you recognise. I hope you can get sorted out, the situation you're in is awful.

x

Thanks everyone for your info, your stories help me and actually ease my situation and I feel better and stronger.

Styve100:
It may sound like a copper but if I have to confront her at home there and then I will have all the evidence I need to get her to at least submit or even tell the truth, it will be an unsuspected chat and she will not be prepared for it, I will and she will/might not be able to worm her way out of it.
Just by her body reactions I will know should I ever have to confront her with all of this info.
But point taken, it might not look good in court.

littlecloud:
I sympathise with you as all the signs and symptoms you have with the PIN on the fone and the beeper in the fone on silent mode for text messages etc... is the same with me.
Other symptoms I've noticed is we hardly sleep with each other, she's snappy with me i.e. quick to tell me off about something and for no reason as well.

gettingpoorer:
I don't see myself as storking her as I don't actually follow her or make it seem in any way that I am watching her.
The surveillance will be all electronic so that I can prove to myself that there is something going on 100% so that I don't come out out like an idiot when and if I confront her but I do take your point, thanks.

Cheers,

GD

hi -

actually this is illegal. You cannot put software on someone else's private property (phone) and use it to monitor and/or intercept their communication. You can get into a lot of trouble if your wife decides to involve the police. My stbx did this to me and according to the police it is illegal and they have a criminal investigation comencing.

You can put a tracking device on her car (this apparently is not illegal if you are living in teh same house) but you can get into a lot of trouble for this as it can be considered threatening and/or intimidating. Again - my stbx got into a lot of trouble for doing this to me.

There are less invasive ways of getting the "evidence" you want. And easier ways to ask for divorce. Frankly - if my partner decided to monitor and track my movements I would have grounds for divorce - and yes I have used them. If she is not having an affair she may divorce you anyway and have good reason.

L

I have been following this thread from the start and I think it is dispicable. If there is nothing going on and I was your wife, I would be filing for divorce without hesitation.

You have your suspicions but choose not to confront her with them. You are letting this consume you. Where will it get you in the end? By all accounts divorced (which you say is inevitable anyway) and maybe in trouble with the police and also you will lose any means of communication you may still be able to cling on to with your wife because if I was her I wouldn't want to have one ounce of trust in you at all. Therefore you are heading for a very expensive divorce.

Take a step back and look at where you want or need to be and find the easiest way of getting there.

Sorry but if you will go to such lengths to find out whether your wife is having an affair then maybe she has reason (not that I condone her if she is, as I believe you should walk away from your marriage before starting another relationship) to need some freedom - just my opinion.

Some of us have lived with not being able to go anywhere without our exs knowing our every move for a large amount of our marriages.

You clearly have no trust in your wife (so unless you are prepared to try and build that trust up again then the marriage is clearly over) so you have your answer.

Forget the rest. Confront her so that you can both admit the marriage is over and start the healing process.

Sorry if you think this post is harsh but what you are doing at the moment is helping nobody, least of all yourself.

Regards Sarah

If you think she is having an affair she probably is. After all she has form. The sad part is that after betraying you, she will like all of these toxic wives try to take you to the cleaners financially. There are no children, so you should not see yourself as having any moral responsibility towards this despicable person.

I would not waste a penny on tracking her etc. It is not worth it. People will just claim that you are being controlling. Instead, I'd start spending money on yourself on things that she will not be able to grab when you get to the financial part.

Items with a value of less than £500 of a personal nature don't tend to attract any attention from the courts especailly if they were acquired during the currency of the marriage. I also would only pay the minimum on all debts, then she can have her full share.

Believe me, once you have spent £5,000 she will show her true colours. With people like this it is best to hit them where it hurts, in the pocket book.

Green Door,
It's obvious there's no trust between you anymore. No kids, not much money, so instead of wasting energy and money finding out what you already know, just talk to her calmly like others in this thread have suggested. 50/50 split and you walk away ready to start a new life. Best advice I can give you is to try and settle this out of court. If you do go to court the only winner will be the solicitors.

And perrypower, I'm not condoning her affair, but you say "After all she has form". she's not a criminal, is she?? But a person who made mistakes and hurt somebody badly along the way. It's time for Green Door to move on with his life, not to get bogged down in stupid games with money and trying to hurt the other peron most and worst!. She did something wrong, he can choosee to walk away, head held high and not let her hurt him or get to him anymore.
From a stbx non-toxic wife
Sprite

Thanks again everyone for all your input.

Sarah:
No problem there with your assertive reply.
YES, you are clearly right I don't trust her because of what she did in the past. Now that the signs and symptoms are back I want to be sure, for my own peace of mind. I don't want to know every text message or get bogged down in it, just looking for the evidence as this makes the confrontation much, much easier. Last time even though I got all the facts right she still denied it so I want ta straight confrontation.
I have stepped back and I know exactly where I am and where I want to be, and stepping back and thinking of how am I going to prove it is one of the things I'm looking at.
You may have lived in a relation ship where your other half controlled where you went where in my case we are free to go out with friends without an interrogation of where why and how. But she has obviously taken it too far.
As to mending it... no... not any more... I have sat down a few times and asked how she feels about our marriage and has said everything is fine. As we all know, it isn't so I'm deciding to end because if I knew what the underlying problem is I would try at least and do something about it.

Lovelife:
Thanks for the heads up, I suspected it's illegal... I'll give the message tracking a miss.

Perrypower:
Thank you for the reply.... it has given me a few thoughts, thanks

Spite:
Thanks for the support... it would be nice just come down to a simple confrontation.

Everyone... it is important for me to blame her directly for having an affair (to be still proven) as the only people I have to support me is my family and a few friends and if she admits to having an affair you can see the support I will get which is important to me in more ways than one. Why the marriage fell apart and made her have an affair (to be still proven), that's another thing which I wish I knew why.

Thanks again,

GD