Tracking your wife's car and text messages

I do have some experience of being cheated on. Most probably do, even if they are not aware of it! If I could go back in time I wish one paticular relationship had come to fruition much sooner than it did.

Is horrible when you can't be certain of support from family or friends. Why not start doing the 'groundwork' with your family now? Tell them your marriage is not working out and you would like to be able to count on their support. You don't have to go into details.

p.s. Is this post more helpful than the last one?

fade2gray

Yes thanks, it is and there are posts here which have really helped me with ideas and "priming" the family is a good idea... let them know that there is a problem in the marriage, seek their advice, slowly get them used to the idea that there will be an end and when it comes it shouldn't be such a shock to them.
It is something I will do, at the moment I'm seeking legal advice through a solicitor a one off fixed fee for advice and I'll tell him everything I know and what I've done (GPS) and see what he comes up with.

I have a few friends which know about my situation and they give tremendous support, which I am grateful for.

I realise that prolonging this is painful and not good for me, however, I need time to prepare myself and the grounds for divorce.

Cheers,

GD

From experience, I would say don't bother tracking anything. I went through this, having seen some of her emails that confirmed various affairs, and even got to carrying a voice recorder so I could record her arguments etc.
I had talked to her her, as various people have suggested, and
in the end, I was stupid enough in love with her even to protect her when she forged a big cheque on my personal account, and again when she assaulted me, by telling the bank and police not to follow up the fraud or assault case, as I didn't want her to get a criminal record which would have affected her UK residency.
I always thought that she would change and we could reclaim a good marriage.
In the end I threatened divorce (in an attempt to keep us together), but she then moved out with all our belongings. I have now started the divorce for UB, and have nowhere to use all the proof I collected.
Three months down the road, and I still don't sleep for feeling so let down, and wishing I had started all this years ago when I first suspected things, and before I spent all my money on my wife.
I have wasted 3 years or more of my life with the constant suspicion and worry, in the end you find that a leopard never changes its spots - protect your own position and get out as quick as possible.
I'm not the really one to speak because I would probably still take her back if she came, but then its always easier to give advice than to take it yourself!!

If you make a petition for UB, you can still include some points referring to her behaviour or affairs (as I did)- then its up to her to challenge these, which could then cost her a lot of money if you make it a point to only demand costs if the divorce is defended.

It is totally pointless you using any device to record your ex wife or track her car.

Having been through Occupation Order/Non-molestation order proceedings; the judge asked my ex if he was STALKING me (asked in a very stern voice).

Ex denied it saying he 'just happened to be passing'. (He'd parked up behind my car, photographed my car, and e-mailed the registration and photos to his mates). I have no idea why? I was visiting my son.

I think your behaviour is immoral and paranoid, and I suspect if this evidence is brought to court - YOU will come across the worst for this behaviour.

If you don't trust your wife; then get a divorce, I very much doubt that filmed footage or taped footage that was done without her knowledge could be used in a Family Court. (Quite seperate to Criminal Court!) It wasn't allowed by the judge at our Hearing.

If you file for Divorce on grounds of Adultery; she can accept, or not. And if she doesn't accept, none of this taped nonsense proves she had intercourse.

If you go for Unreasonable Behaviour: You can cite her 'ignoring you'; or word it to suggest that you feel 'intimidated by the friendships she has formed outside of the marriage'

I say, do what you feel you need to do to get your answers fella.

My stbx did not give me the respect of an explanation or an apology and so I had to find out answers for myself. Granted this was after we split but it was immediately after and so it was very relevent to me as she obviously had feelings for this person all along and denied there was anyone else.
I agree with some on here that finding out answers does not necessarily make you feel better, however when someone you loved and trusted treats you with such disrespect and contempt for the marriage often getting your own answers can sometimes aid the healing process. Although you do not need to shout it from the rooftops when your fears are confirmed, you can (when asked) tell people what facts you have which in turn helps other people to realise just how wronged you have been and them to sympothise and understand just that little bit more.

I make no aplogies for agreeing with this last resort method, providing it is done in a respectful and none aggressive manner. After all, you never asked to be cheated on and you are doing something out of the ordinary. If the other person has nothing to hide then you will be in trouble, but if they do why do they shout so loud about invasion of their privacy? As long as you have enough sufficient evidence to suspect in the first place and you are not just paranoid then you have to do what you have to do.

I am fed up with people saying you are a bad person if you follow an adultering slimebag to get answers, I am also unimpressed by comments such as "If you love them let them go". It damn well hurts when someone lies and often it is the last and only resort.

Good luck in finding what you need to find out, but remember one thing, there has to come a point when it stops regardless and ensure you do not cause a threat to them.

I realise Non Molestation orders are designed for certain types of harrassing people Sara but I really believe they are often abused like everything else in the system, although I am not justifying your stbx as I do not fully understand what legths he has gone to and why. My stbx wanted to get one on me in order to preserve her little seceret, she aint got a hope in hell of getting one but I have altered my behaviour anyway having got most of the answers I need. As a result I am even more content that I am the better person and the person I married has changed beyond recognition and is therefore dead in my mind. This has helped me in attempting to move forward and only her actions as an obstructive and selfish person in relation the contact is holding me back.

I hadnt seen this thread before I hope its helping you Greendoor to think through what you really want and what you are prepared to do for it.

At first I thought you felt the need to have concrete proof your wife was cheating - I wondered if you had misunderstood the real requirements for divorce proceedings as others had said.

However hearing your determined position I am left wondering if you feel duped by ending up in this situation with your wife having taken her back before. Perhaps you feel she has strong manipulation powers over you and unless you can confront her with hard evidence she will persuade you its not what it seems. You say you got a raw deal over a previous divorce and that obviously had left its scars.

What ever you decide to do I would just urge you to get it over with quickly and get all this out in the open before she discovers your 'suspicious behaviour'. Shes bound to have twigged your uncomfortable with her and anyone who diligently deletes all their txt messages knows someones checking their phone. Maybe you two havent had trust for a long time, I dont know. From personal experience it doesnt seem to matter whether youre Mother Theresa - you can still be painted negatively in a divorce by those that want to do so. Family and divorce are about relationships and when it gets nasty people take sides. The most comforting thing is to retain your dignity, your self respect and above all your bank account cos your gonna need that to get yourself out of this situation.

I think most people will tell you - no one wins in divorce, walking away with your sanity is sometimes the best you can hope for. Stay too long in this zone and you may just end up losing the plot and your wife will look like the victim.

My best wishes to you in resolving it.

Rasher

Just further to the above posts you need to be careful if you are going to divorce on the grounds of adultery. If you continue to have a full marriage with her I believe then she can say that you colluded with the adultery - there is a time limit between knowing that adultery was committed and sueing for divorce if you still live under the same roof.

If you are serious about this I suggest you do what I did - get your free session with a divorce solicitor and see if there is enough evidence - I had copies of their emails to each other when it was my husband and his subordinate at work. I get my Nisi next week.

I hope you can resolve this to bring you some peace of mind.

Best wishes, and be careful - you need to look after yourself because if you are not careful you could drive yourself mad!