HAVE A LAUGH

Golf Panties.




The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she
bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and
reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you
wearing any skivvies?' Ole demanded. 'Well, you don't give me enough
housekeeping money to afford any.' The Swede immediately reaches into
his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy
yourself some underwear.

'Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to
set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too,
is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no
knickers. Why not?' She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you
give me.' Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake of
decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her
head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. 'Sweet mudder of
Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?' She too
explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o
decency, here's a comb......tidy yerself up a bit.'

Q. Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girl friend off the wall?

A. To see her crack!!!

Just trying to look on the bright side today!!

A father takes his young daughter to the barbers with him.
She stands by the barbar's chair while her dad has his hair cut eating her mid morning cake snack.
The barbar says to the little girl 'you know darling you are going to get hairs on your muffin'
she replies:

'Yeah Mum says I will grow boobs too!!!!!'

Your on form today Zara. Keep them coming!!

Yeah better today had a couple of crappy ones!!!

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

Sorry, my friend has just sent me this one, got to be the best one so far today....

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.

'I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!'

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: 'I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.'

'The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago.'

'And what about the third rose?' she asked.

'That's from a man upstairs in the burns unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.'