On the verge

Hello all
I'm hoping you can help make this difficult time go smoother.
For all of you that have already been through this traumatic process i'd like your input please.

So a bit about me and my situation.

Been married for 14 years have 2 boys (one is my stepson) and have reached the point where i'm ready to tell my wife its over.
Things havent been right for a few years now and we have nearly split several times.
My wife had a couple of emotional affairs the last one nearly ending in her moving to america.
We patched things up but it was more for our youngest sons benefit who was really upset and to young to understand.
I've made the decision now that existing like i am is pointless and its time to move on.

I've made a checklist of things to do so please feel free to point out anything i've missed.

Accomadation: Found a place to rent near to my sons school which is furnished and ready to move in to.
Just need to secure the deposit.

Finances: I have gone through all our bills and created seperate spreadsheets to show how our finances will be after.
I have taken on our loan and my wife will be left with enough to cover the basics and will be able to claim council tax and housing benefit.

Children: My biological son will live with me and stepson will stay. His decision.

Now i'm just waiting for confirmation ive secured the new place to live and then i can talk to my wife.

Now this is where i hope all your experiences will help.
I understand everyone and every situation is different so i'm not expecting a script.
If you could tell me how you broke the news or had it broken to you and what the reaction was it would be a massive help.

Is it best to do it privately at home or somewhere quiet but public. For example over lunch so that an emotional outburst is less likely and allow us to discuss it?

Did you or were you told flat out as in "I want a divorce" or did you or they try an explain their reasons.

My wife is very volatile so this i why i want to be sure my new place is ready. She's been physically abusive in the past and i'm worried the shock of being told will set her off.

Thanks for reading and any comments suggestions will be most welcome.

A lot going on for you. Can't be best of times.

I think that there is never an easy way to do it.

Is your wife supported with family near by or close friends? As this will help her. As if you tell her then go quickly which is best in my experience, as bad as that sounds, it doesn't prolong the hurt of seeing you and knowing its over. As she may not see this coming even if your relationship is rocky anyway.

Only my input on what you have said. You know her better than me and only you can know what is best. Remember to think about yourself to and what feels best for you.

All the best....

RL

Thanks for the reply.

Well unfortunately it all went pear shaped last night!
I havent secured the new place yet so looks like i'll be camping out for a bit.

She started it off and i had no choice but to come clean and tell her it was over.
Managed to avoid a huge fight and i slept on the couch but she kept waking me up every few hours to "talk".
I said there was nothing to talk about and that this time we should just have a Clean Break.
She just kept on and on about giving it another go and she will change etc.
My answer was that we keep doing this every time and it always ends up the same.
Then it was the guilt treatment until i said if she didnt leave me alone i'd go there and then.
Finally about 4 she went to bed.
This morning it started again and i'm so tired i just wanted to get out so ended up leaving without eating but did managed to get some clothes and toothbrush.
She started ranting that i couldnt leave we couldnt afford it and just trying to make excuses.
I didnt want this as i knew it would be a nightmare if i didnt have anywhere to go once i'd told her.

As you said "dont prolong it" and no its out in the open i need to keep up the momentum. I cant go through another lets try again period again.

She turned a bit nasty telling me how i'd break my sons heart and you can tell what you have done.
She doesnt know i already spoke to my son and he wants to come with me but it still hurt.

Now i need to chase up the place i'm looking at asap because i dont want to go home and be subject to a constant emotional battering over the weekend.

Not good

Not good at all. But you've been brave enough to decide you want a new future, brave enough to get it out in the open and brave enough to stand up for yourself. I've no doubt you'll be brave enough to do whatever you need to do and face whatever you need to face in order to carry on.

In the meantime, keep coming back here and talking/listening. You're not alone, and that can really help

Cheers and your right about feeling alone.
Right now i feel sick, tired and every emotion all rolled into one.
I need to stay focused because i cant back down again and she has just called me and tried the emotional blackmail routine.
For me now i need to keep that distance because i know she will try everything to get me to change my mind as she has in the past.
stbx has had a good run with me. shes never had to work unless she wanted to but complains about my job a lot although shes more than happy to spend any bonuses i get.
I'm at rock bottom this morning probably more from lack of sleep so i really appreciate the support to keep me going.
Thanks

There is never an easy way out of a relationship but it seems you have a sensible side so that will help you. The next few weeks will be difficult, I know this as I'm going through it now, infact, I'm crying as I write this! People on here are so supportive so keep posting, it really does help. I wish you luck in making this move as pain free as possible for your Sons and yourself. X

i have 36 missed calls already and voice mails ranging from crying to cruel.
to be honest i'm not sure how to deal with this. time seems to have stopped except for the phone calls which i'm ignoring now.
i'm at work and cant deal with her calling every second to talk.
how i'll get through today i dont know. i have no place to stay and cant go home now i've made the decision.
i just spoke to the estate agent and can view the house at 4.30 this afternoon but no date as to when i could move in.
i just want a roof to put over our heads asap as i feel lost and my sons at home from school today so i can only imagine he's getting an earful
Thank you all so much for being here i'm going to be on here a lot today i can see it.