On the verge

Well its been a tough evening so far.
She started on my son slagging me off and asking him to decide who he wants to be with !
She kept coming into his room and crying and sobbing all day until i finally had enough and booked us into a hotel for the night which i cant really afford.
I arranged to meet him and the bottom of the road but she used him and was there so i just carried on past.
Finally i managed to pick him up and we at the hotel now.
Shes been really silly and childish carrying on at him like this.
I'm hoping she'll go to her family for a while so we can go home and save on hotel costs while i sort out the new place.

HI Sonning

I really feel for you all, your son, you and her. She is hurt and bewildered - and will be acting like the wild woman from wonga fro a while. My ex left me - and it was the right thing - but it was very hard. However I did not get my kids involved in my pain.

You did a good thing by getting her friend to go and see her, she needs time.

You need to see your son - which thankfully you are now.

When I started reading your post - I remembered the book me (and my ex) read which was from Relate - "How to help your Children cope with Divorce" (or similar) It was really useful - and somethings like that would be good for you too.

You have been very brave - and she will see this in time, and it must be really hard for you just now, having nowhere to go. I hope this is resloved for your son as soon as poss.

I agree with Angeldusts advice - dont worry about all the other stuff just now (although maybe careful if you have a joint account - she is angry and may behave irrationally) take each day as it comes. Accept her right to be angry - although you thought it was time - it maybe was not her time- yet, it will be. She will accept things and hopefully let you be.

Apart from her friend - is there any other family member that you can talk to to ensure she gets the help she needs so that you can not get all the backlash - and let her grieve and give her some good advise??

It is interesting for me - my ex told me the same - he was right - I fought to keep it - but I now know it was for the best. I wold have stayed no matter what (but this is not about me). So I can understand her shock - but I hope you get somewhere to stay soon and I hope your wife will calm down too, for the sake of your son.

take care to you all
Jolly

HI Sonning

I really feel for you all, your son, you and her. She is hurt and bewildered - and will be acting like the wild woman from wonga fro a while. My ex left me - and it was the right thing - but it was very hard. However I did not get my kids involved in my pain.

You did a good thing by getting her friend to go and see her, she needs time.

You need to see your son - which thankfully you are now.

When I started reading your post - I remembered the book me (and my ex) read which was from Relate - "How to help your Children cope with Divorce" (or similar) It was really useful - and somethings like that would be good for you too.

You have been very brave - and she will see this in time, and it must be really hard for you just now, having nowhere to go. I hope this is resloved for your son as soon as poss.

I agree with Angeldusts advice - dont worry about all the other stuff just now (although maybe careful if you have a joint account - she is angry and may behave irrationally) take each day as it comes. Accept her right to be angry - although you thought it was time - it maybe was not her time- yet, it will be. She will accept things and hopefully let you be.

Apart from her friend - is there any other family member that you can talk to to ensure she gets the help she needs so that you can not get all the backlash - and let her grieve and give her some good advise??

It is interesting for me - my ex told me the same - he was right - I fought to keep it - but I now know it was for the best. I wold have stayed no matter what (but this is not about me). So I can understand her shock - but I hope you get somewhere to stay soon and I hope your wife will calm down too, for the sake of your son.

take care to you all
Jolly

Sonning,
A sad situation such as yours brings out the best in this forum and I'm so pleased to see all the support from wikipeeps for you. This site really is a lifesaver.
You've had time to prepare practically and mentally and emotionally for the break up, your ex hasn't. Give her time, keep your distance, stand firm, but more than anything make your son your priority, he's caught in the middle through no fault of his own and his world is falling down around his ears. It's so sad when kids are involved, but you are trying your best in a very difficult situation, so respect to you.
Have you got any family/friends/colleagues you and your son could saty with for a couple of nights till you sort out the housing?
Wishing you luck,
Sprite x

hi all
stbx has agreed to go down to her family for a while which is a start as at least we can go home for a bit.
bad news is shes cancelled one of my cards after moving funds to it so money will be an issue.
housing situation has changed and i'm now trying to keep my place and hope that her family can convince her to move back down with them.
my eldest is going to be moving out soon anyway to assisted living and so if me an my other son left she would be on her own anyway.
Now the catch for her in this situation is that we rent from a housing association who would view our 3 bedroom as being underoccupied if it was only her living there.
At the moment she is adament that she is going to come back in a couple of weeks and i'll have found somewhere else.
I really dont want to have to get myself into debt finding another place when if its just her in the property she would have to leave anyway.
I'm contacting her family who have been fine with me and and trying to convince them that her moving back is the right thing to do.
My other course of action is to fight for the house through the association as i pay the rent although its a joint tennancy and see if they will back me up on the under occupancy clause.
Shes also acting odd and has signed up to dating website already ! Why.....i have no idea at all.
Ive just dropped my son back so she can see him and will pick him up later if he wants. i told him to see how it is and call me if its getting bad.
I'm shattered beyond belief and my head is fit to burst from all the things i'm trying to think and plan.
Thanks all

great so now shes decided not to go to see her family.
shes staying in the house and wont budge
so i'm homeless and broke until my insurance cheque arrives
none of her family will answer my calls anymore so its just me on my own.
i'm going sort out the bank and open my own and get my wages paid in so at least i'll have some money in 3 weeks.
i'm just fuming shes gone from seeing sense and giving us time to sort stuff out to forcing my hand.
wouldnt have had a problem but shes made me homeless so
arghhh!

It's so difficult...She's going through so many emotions and not thinking straight. She will go from wanting to be reasonable to hysteria. You just have to take control of yourself, you cant control her actions or feelings. Just look after your Son and remember her Son is part of this issue too, have you spoken to him about all this?
Stay strong x