help to get house back

I have made a major mistake. I allowed my "boyfriend aged 57" to move into my house last November. When I met him he "owned" his own house - so he led me to believe with a mortgage. He then "sold" the house and "rented" it back. He told me he was careful with money and had no debts. He has become very controlling, though he would deny it, he has very quick changes of mood and tries to control me through, guilt, self pity(his) and failing that intimidation - violence by proxy. He has a large (legal) gun collection.
He started to say how hard it is to get someone out once they have moved in.

I own my own house, have a mortgage , he has been paying the same as my previous lodger - that was the agreement he made when he was persuading me to let him move in. So I am no better off than when I had lodger but have controlling person trying to tell me what to do. Makes my friends unwelcome - etc. I have now discovered via land registry - there is no record of the house ever having left the estate it was part of - no mention of sale in June 2012. Also lots of letters re debts have been arriving. He works at my house - computers. It is very hard to do anything at home.

I am not sleeping well and feel nervous wreck at the idea that I can never get rid of this man. I am frightened to confront him - he does not know I know about the debts etc. He is being all nice and friendly just now, but this can change. I actually cant stand him any more. I am terried fied I am going to lose my house.

I saw a solicitor this week and the idea that I leave and then we serve him with notice and if he fails to leave we go to court for occupancy.

I will have to stay with various friends during this - my office is also at home.

He is very clever and very litigious.

He is or says he is ex - para. I am frightened just want him out and my hosue back and my life back - he never goes out and it is hard to invite people round.
good to get off my chest. I am scared that if I leave my house he will change the locks and then have right to live there and I will be living on sofas and paying the mortgage for this man.

Hi flyinghorses,

Welcome to Wikivorce!

He has no legal rights to stay - he is only there at your invitation.

Is he paying you rent?

Did you enter into any written agreement?

Your solicitor is right - this is the way to go about things, however intimidating bullies may not comply so easily - it''s a shame you don''t know a couple of Phil & Grant Mitchells - who you could invite round for tea

He never leaves the house? Do you run all his errands?

WR

hi there I am sitting here in complete anxiety state, supposed to be working. I have had my house for 3 years I paid £120,000 deposit. He pays £380 per month fully inclusive of all bills, including having a room for an office. My mortgage is £75,000 and will be paid off in part in four years and fully in 8. Now I have been stupid he is very menacing but alternately helpful. As he pays me month rent in advance seemed fair to give him one months notice. I need to get out I am nervous wreck. But he has not hit me nor threatened directly. Solicitor said if I leave the property they will then serve him notice; if he does not go then I go to court for occupancy Notice and hope the court does not say he can stay. I am so scared and feel so stupid, so very stupid.

You are not stupid.

You have the solution, you just need the courage to carry it through.

Be brave and strong and soon it will all be over and you''ll have your home back.

Take care

WR x

I should say he hardly ever leaves, he leaves occasionally at weekends to go shooting but not that often. He goes out to buy cigaretts and shopping but usually does that when Im out.

What a very scary situation to be in. You''re not stupid at all, you trusted him that''s all.

I would take the advice of your lawyer and then go and stay with friends until he''s gone.

Before moving back I would invest in security if you haven''t already got it in place.

Escape to friends when you feel threatened.

Above all, stay safe. Let us know how it goes. xx

Hi,

What an awful situation but, as you have been told by other wiki''s, he has no rights.

What I would add is, every time you go out, take your most precious items, including all paperwork with you, either get a safety deposit box or leave with a trusted friend.

I would also contact the domestic abuse team at your police station, tell them about the legal guns but that you are very frightened.

I wont go into details but, in my case, the emergency services put a red alert on my mobile and land line, this ensured immediate response, even if the line was cut off, to any 999 call.

Big hug and thinking about you,

NWTT xx