help to get house back

sounds like you have everything in hand just go for it>>>>>>>>

You sound a lot stronger now, probably because you''re taking charge. I truly don''t know what I''d do in your shoes, pretty much what you''re doing I imagine, but it''s so unpleasant for you.

When it''s all over you may need a non molestation order to keep him away.

Hugs! Keep going!

Mitchum xx

I think what is worrying some of us is that he has these guns, albeit legitimately, yet also has mood swings, a need to control you, and considerable anger. So we are worried about your safety. You need to tell the police that you are frightened of him, and at the same time remind them that he keeps guns in your house. It may cause problems with his gun licence, but this is for your safety. Most abusers get worse once you start to get away, so things may get tougher before they improve, and I would expect you to have to get a non-molestation order long-term. If you have already informed the police that you are afraid of him that will help you with this.

He may go on about how he is against men who abuse women, but he is abusing you on a daily basis, so this is just another of his lies/fantasies.

Best wishes,
Sadie

Flyinghorse,

It sounds like you are going with the solicitor’s advice and moving out for a period to try and get him to leave (this still sounds completely nuts and I hope it works but I am wondering if it will backfire somehow. I am not sure I would want to leave a controlling, manipulative debt-ridden potential fraudster in my home).

I assume that once the process server has handed him the documents he has a month to vacate? If so and if he complies I would hazard a guess he will have some vengeful trick up his sleeve - how do you know he won''t take your things as well as his? He sounds very passive aggressive.

You say you found another woman’s bank details – do you think this may be because he wrote them down and is using them as a source of funds? I don’t think committing fraud is out of keeping with the rest of his profile! If so, how do you know your details are safe?

I have a question - what is he spending all this money on as he has nothing to show for it. Does he have a gambling problem or something that he is hiding? You said he had a fairly good job so why all the debt? There must be a secret there.

It also sounds like (if he is to be believed) he was the householder with the unwelcome house guest in the past which is odd. Why would he then perpetrate the same situation with you if he had allegedly been in your position before? Sounds more to me like it was her house and he did the same thing – hence she called the police to try and get him kicked out of her house. Makes more sense.

I hope you get this resolved but from what you have said, I would not trust this man to do the right thing one iota. Make sure you and your posessions are protected as much as you can.

Good luck,
EA

I''ve just read this entire thread. There are so many things I agree with. I was once married to a violent man and I can understand only too well how living in fear impacts the way you view things. You seem to have considered this possibility, well done.

I do agree that you need to deal with this man with a clear head and a safe distance. Close contact will only draw on the fear you feel. It''s too emotive and too unpredictable. However, in moving out you will give him a free rein, albeit it temporarily with luck, so I would strongly advise you to limit the damage he can do there as best you can. I think it''s an excellent idea to have someone with you to witness the state you leave things in - I would also take photos.

There are some good points made about your documents and details, have you checked your credit history lately? If so, are his liabilities showing up on your address? How much of your banking details and history is he aware of? Is it worth opening a new account to move your salary etc.?

However, the factor that absolutely jumps from the page to me is the guns. In the end, you will get rid of him one way or another - he will probably end up in a similar situation with someone else at some point, given his predatory behaviour. At the very least, there needs to be a paper trail regarding the appropriateness of him being authorised to have guns. If no one has ever reported his behaviour to the police, then he is likely to continue to be given a licence. Yes, the debt may change things for him but an astute liar may be able to get around that. What this situation clearly needs is a note on his file. Authorities can only judge the appropriateness of an action if they have the facts to hand. I really hope that, at a safe distance, you feel strong enough to talk to a police officer. You don''t have to make a big production of it, there are community phone lines where you can have a quiet chat to ask advice. I can''t imagine any police officer hearing about this and not wanting to take it further but that is for them. All you have to do is to share the information. It''s not your responsibility to keep others safe, only yourself. But do keep in mind that he may well have a history of this and, in my experience, the longer people get away with things, the more risks they take until, one day, things go way too far. It''s human nature.

Shezi

The amount of time all you who I have never met to try and help is ..I don''t know but thank you all.
There were two other routes, 1. I went to police and tried to get him out that way - very hard to do on emotional stuff/I have continued to work, have sleeping pills from g.p. and a talk with women''s aid worker a little while back that helped me identify why I was feeling so anxious, powerless etc. So that unlikely to work and if it did would make him so incandescent with rage he would never give me peace. He is also computer expert (says he has worked on computers for MI6) - and has high security clearance from being in paras. His father was very high up in MOD (true). Friends in masons etc.
2. I stay in home and ask him to leave - I would be scared, also he will make my life unbearable and would still spin things out - in fact sol things could take longer ;
3. seems as he is living here as partner he has some sort of occupancy rights - and has to be got out by the right procedures. I feel I am going insane living around him I feel permanently anxious, needs pills to sleep, keep forgetting things; I was feeling very depressed and trapped but that is better now I have a plan.
4. I don''t know what he spends his money on, he has an expensive car and is planning on a more expensive one,yesterday evening he was complaining that his licence had not come through yet as he wants to buy another gun (that will make 19 I think). He likes target practice with a club, - rabbits with farmer friends - not round were I live though. I can only presume in debt from where living previously. He put on huge pressure to move here Oct/Nov and did not want to buy oil for his central heating where he was.
5. I have contacted all credit cards/ having new cards and details, Yes he would have been able to get to my purse and get numbers. I will see my bank this am.
but have to keep access to some money.
6.I have put block on my phone and I have put broadband on unlimited - as he could run up huge bill on that.
7. I have all important docs coming with me - some already out of the house.
8.All my kids photos are already out with a friend.

I tidied house on Sat and took photos with a newspaper with that days date on it. A friend ishelping me leave so she will witness how it is left.

Part of me wonders if Ijust said this is over will you go he might just say yes ! on the other hand the rage when I asserted what I wanted to watch on t.v. - or did not go along with his "plans" have made me think that''s a bad idea.

I have exam at college tonight - very mature student- by the way I don''t know if I am vulnerable , not generally but I do have a weakness for s sob story and he did a good few of those.

I do not think he is dangerous with the guns or I would go to police. I think he lies the way he thinks they big him up.

People need to realise - with their own house just how hard it is to get rid of someone. Law apparently hs changed opinion to protect women getting thrown out by men they are living with. Good to write this and clear head. When I am out I will think again about talking to police - not dramatically. However as I say if he got wind that I had anything to do with his loss of gun licence I am very very afraid then.

I have by the way been checking my credit rating via experion. THank you again.

Oh yes and last night he said he was getting a £10,000 bonus in June, and his "partner" is having him take people out for expensive lunch and dinner in Manchester , beginning of may, he even told me the sort of menu and how he will be taking their P.A.''s out.

His facebook - which is in a pseudo name he uses for blogging has a profile which says: status single Interrests: women. He told me the other night that he has a different e mail - he told me the e mail. that he uses for his pseudo name. He said that is the e mail he gets the death threats and offers of sex from: well I checked the blog and the facebook and there is no direct link to an e mail so he must give it out to people to get death threats and offers of sex. !! maybe that''s why he is up until 3a.m. every morning.!!