help to get house back

I''m reading this with much interest flyinghorse. I''ll be thinking of you on Friday - remember to update us as soon as you can (Saturday morning for example! ) on how it went. Moving out, though such a hassle, has clearly worked for you in bringing some much needed perspective.

I will just say, not all relationships end this way! What I would learn from your experience is that we need to be very cautious about who we let into our lives (not just into our houses).

Well done on keeping your head throughout this.

Shezi

Hi all, well he left on Friday sometime, has left some stuff here, now bundled up and in my garage, no forwarding address, left house very dirty - no surprise there but he said in note to my sol that he had felt no compunction to clean the house as I had shown no wiliness to get water sorted !!!
have spent all weekend with my brilliant parents getting a lot cleaned up. Agree Shezzi not all relationships end this way of course not, but it is difficult when there is property . I would not be closed to another relationship, sometime maybe, but not living with me pretty sure of that, could stay over but that is all. It is clear that being unmarried does not protect property; I know that things can be unfair the other way, it happened to me I lived with someone for 15 years but we had clear arrangement with house ownership. However I had no claim on him at all even though I looked after his children for years. That is ok, it was clear, fair or unfair. I have another friend who is currently being taken to court by a man who lived with her for 8 years, never worked at all, but is now claiming for a "beneficial interest". It is concerning that if you are a bit lonely have your own place , can leave you open to con men/women. My now cynical message would be really check up on someones financial background as well as social/friends etc, I did not do that, I bought into the he just wanted to spend time alone with me rubbish, very isolating. I would also now check out if someone said they owned their property, not because I would be interested in it, just because I would like to know if they are lying in order to appear solvent or whatever their motive. Is easy to do £3.00 to land registry gets you the information. With hindsight with that would have saved me a lot of stress, solicitors fees and wasted time. Still I guess time learning that there are predatory, lying people out there is probably not a waste of time. I thought I would have "guessed" never thought I could be conned like that. He had started to come up with schemes - testing the water I think which would have involved or could have involved me investing, though I don''t like parting with my hard earned dosh so I don''t think he was onto a winner there. So if you know anyone in newish relationship thinking of living together, please warn them , gently or whatever, abusive people/conmen and the like can be very very cunning. Thanks again everyone.
FH.

Excellent news flying horse. As you say,when you take someone at their word it can sometimes be a pack of lies.

Your parents must have been so relieved to be actually back there helping restore your home, I bet they didn''t even notice it was hard work.

It was a very scary experience, but I hope you now feel you''ve scrubbed and polished all signs of him away and can reclaim your home.

Take care now!

Great news ''flying horse''. It''s been a long road. Lots to re adjust to - but what a pleasure to have this nasty business over and done with.

Enjoy your new/old home again. Enjoy life again. x

(Your story is a lesson to us all - terrifyng and yet so easy to fall into - I just hope I remember - but we all hear what we want to hear. believe what we want to believe - we want someone to mend us and love us - how the hell do we tell the difference?)

I am a terrible cynic when it comes to situations like this. I have seen many cases where one person is solvent and the other person brings nothing but debt to a relationship.

If you plan to make a life with somebody you need to be sure that they are suitable which includes being financially responsible. Paying off their debts for them does not change the person as they will run up more debts and take you down with them.

You also need to be aware of the ''stories'' that people will tell to cover up their own shortcomings. The debts will be due an ex taking them to the cleaners or illness or helping a family member - anything that distances them from their own recklessness or poor financial dealings.

I''m not sure what sort of search flyinghorse suggests for £3 but it is possible to obtain a bankruptcy search for £1 - although beware of false positives if the name you are searching is John Smith or Tracey Evans.

As far as obtaining a beneficial interest in your property goes - there has to be a contribution to finances that could be considered part of the mortgage or something has to be done that adds value to the property.

If your partner decides to landscape your garden, replaster the upstairs rooms or convert the loft into an office you need to consider what motivates them to do so.

If you are to accept monies from your partner, ensure this is via a bank account. Having proof of the contributions is better than your word against theirs when they say they paid you £1000 cash per month rather than the actual £100 which barely covered groceries.

If you have your own property and you are able to pay for it, you do not need another person living there. If you want to settle down with your partner and they have no agenda, you can both sign a ''living together agreement'' which specifies what each of you owns and how it will be divided if the relationship were to end.

As I say, I''m a cynic!

Charles

yes agree with all that Charles, the £3.00 search is to Land Registry , all properties sold after , I think 1993 have to be registered on there, it states who the current owner is and when they became the owner, so a useful starting place check. Yet more "stuff" coming to light, re his lies which probably best I do not go into here. I made a lot of mistakes, missed a lot of red flags. House starting to feel like home again, much cleaning, bit more to go. On radio 4 this week was listening that gov. want to make equality for living together with marriage. Beneficial interest can also be "work" they have put into the property. Personally I would not share my home again. Living together agreements might work at the moment but pre nups do not work for marriage in this country and if gov go ahead with equalising living together couples with married couples then the question I would ask is whether living together agreements would hold up in that case.

Pre nups are risky as marriage implements the rule of law on the arrangement.

In the case of a living together agreement this is a civil contract which lays down a framework of agreement. Usually this would specify that Person B would not gain a beneficial entitlement to the property owned by Person A unless specifically documented separately.

Charles