well you were right

tony youre not a `mug`, i had the same as marshy, all telling me the same, then had the same response on here, and yes he was `at it`

look after yourself now.
and as the others said no contact, it really does help

stay strong xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

yep - I want tot re-iterate you are not a mug......from a signed up memeber of the ''I''ve been duped club.''

We trusted the untrustworthy - that makes us wise after the event - but not mugs - just thoroughly nice decent honest loving innocent people.

Sadly we have now lost our innocence - but hopefully, in the long run, not our other qualities.

Keep posting. You are not alone, you are far from stupid - and we will help you cope - although I would be lying if I said we could completely take away the pain - we would if we could though.

Tony ,
Sorry that you found out that prediction number one came true.
Now prediction number 2 you said in your post that she has already said you drove her to it.
You are talking about can you salvage it.

Unfortunately mate your head is still thinking as if you''ve got any say in this.
You haven''t she''s already made her decision.
She wants to shxg lover boy whilst mugging you off to finance the deal.
She will have all her justifications and will now work on her defense being that you drove her to it by being the worlds worst hubbie.
Don''t kid yourself that you knowing gives you the upper hand or moral high ground in any way shape or form.
She will demonise you to justify her affair and eventually tell you that she can have whatever "friends" she chooses.
Then she''ll come after all the money shamelessly with a complete and utter sense of entitlement.
My advise is never palatable but yes I am always right because people follow patterns of behaviour.
All the best
HRH x

I fear you are right hawaythelads ,i know from all the blogs i have read over the last few months that it all follows a predictable pattern.
And mugs like me always think that my case is different, i know their are exceptions to the rule , but sadly mine is not the 00000.000.1 % that falls into that category .
The future seems really weird and scary like it dosnt belong with me or my future ,but then i wake up in the morning and realise with a hollow feeling that it is mine to hold for another day .
What a support you guys and girls are .
Over the couple of years she has been disappearing for weekends with friends ,not knowing when she is going to return i never questioned it as she is a mature student doing a degree , gave her space ,paid for trips abroad with other students half her age .Now i am thinking what was idoing working full time looking after the house cant remember the last time she cooked cleaned or shopped.
Even now i am thinking i could have done more .
.

tony213 wrote:

Even now i am thinking i could have done more .
.

There are no medals awarded for being right after the fact. But, there are for doing the right thing from now onwards. And its the same for all of us that have been used in the way you have.

Now you know, and it''s all in the open, you ought to start wising up.

I cant tell you what she will do. But if Pete is right (and he always is) then the pattern she will follow will be this:

She will demonise you. You will be blamed for her doing what she did. But your not a demon and your not to blame. No one cut her knicker elastic. Sure you gave her some space. But she betrayed your trust and stabbed you in the back while you were supporting her. And that my friend deserves contempt.

As is sadly the case, she will come to rue her decision. But thats not your problem as when she does wake up and smell the coffee, you will be long gone.

So I would drop her like a hot brick and get her out of your life as quickly as you can. Others will tell you the same. C.

You need to do 3 things

1 No Contact
2 No Contact
3 No Contact

Let her get on with it, concentrate on what you have control over.

Marshy_ wrote:

But she betrayed your trust and stabbed you in the back while you were supporting her. And that my friend deserves contempt.
[/quote]

Yes Marshy, a nice reminder to all of us who still question why we find ourselves here in the first place, even many years after. Tony these are wise words and not to be ignored.

Tony as much as your head will be in a jumbled mess at this very early stages, the fog will lift with careful planning and being one step ahead at all times, you will get through this.

Nobody deserves to be a doormat for someone else....you should have been treated with the upmost dignity and respect in your marriage and remember it takes two to work at one, no just one willing work horse!

You will take your own path and like so many of us, will most probably stumble along the way, one step forward and sometimes 10 steps back, but you have the support of the virtual world that is Wiki, lean on us and we will be here to assist you.

Take care for now FoS x